It's been a long time.
Since my last post, we've migrated to a new country, got pregnant again, went through the vomiting shit again (this time, alone in a foreign country), gave birth again and breastfeeding again. This time, we're going to avoid the stuff that made J1 reactionary and very likely caused his ASD. That decision was a hard one, and it comes with a whole host of other worries.
But yeah, I'm back and it's high time I started writing again to get rid of the gray clouds hanging over my head, thanks to all the life changes above.
Saturday 18 June 2016
Sunday 15 March 2015
The isolation of autism
I've always been a loner.
But now ... I feel alone.
I've never felt so alone in my life. I may have my mother living with me, my siblings being supportive of me, my husband who's got my back ... I even made from tentative friends with other parents at the schools, thanks to volunteer work.
But still I feel so, so alone.
Because as much as I try to educate people on what it's like raising a child on the spectrum (even though the condition is so mild most people don't even know it's there), unless they have first-hand experience caring for them day-in-day-out, 24 fucking 7 ... they can never really understand. And I cannot connect with them. Even my mom who helps me with the kids cannot full grasp the intricacies of the condition, nor understand why I feel the way I feel.
Motherhood is already an isolating condition, separating you from the friends you had before kids (not helped by my existing trust issues caused by childhood bullying trauma). People also get more competitive, judgemental and bitchy when they become parents, so it's even harder to find a friend you can safely share parenting experiences with. And then, on top of that, is having a child with an "invisible" condition.
Unlike physical disabilities and conditions, it's not apparent that your child has it. They look like neurotypical kids ... albeit with some quirky and sometimes anti-social behaviour that even most paediatricians miss diagnosing. The average stranger just thinks he's ill-mannered and his parents suck. So instead of getting automatic understanding or sympathy, you're shot with judgemental stares and nasty whispers behind your back ... just like in secondary school. Fuck. Getting ugly flashbacks now.
And you are afraid to be forthcoming about it because there's a stigma attached. And so little understanding of the symptoms other than the savants shown in Hollywood, most (fearful) parents find it easier to avoid you and your kids.
But now ... I feel alone.
I've never felt so alone in my life. I may have my mother living with me, my siblings being supportive of me, my husband who's got my back ... I even made from tentative friends with other parents at the schools, thanks to volunteer work.
But still I feel so, so alone.
Because as much as I try to educate people on what it's like raising a child on the spectrum (even though the condition is so mild most people don't even know it's there), unless they have first-hand experience caring for them day-in-day-out, 24 fucking 7 ... they can never really understand. And I cannot connect with them. Even my mom who helps me with the kids cannot full grasp the intricacies of the condition, nor understand why I feel the way I feel.
Motherhood is already an isolating condition, separating you from the friends you had before kids (not helped by my existing trust issues caused by childhood bullying trauma). People also get more competitive, judgemental and bitchy when they become parents, so it's even harder to find a friend you can safely share parenting experiences with. And then, on top of that, is having a child with an "invisible" condition.
Unlike physical disabilities and conditions, it's not apparent that your child has it. They look like neurotypical kids ... albeit with some quirky and sometimes anti-social behaviour that even most paediatricians miss diagnosing. The average stranger just thinks he's ill-mannered and his parents suck. So instead of getting automatic understanding or sympathy, you're shot with judgemental stares and nasty whispers behind your back ... just like in secondary school. Fuck. Getting ugly flashbacks now.
And you are afraid to be forthcoming about it because there's a stigma attached. And so little understanding of the symptoms other than the savants shown in Hollywood, most (fearful) parents find it easier to avoid you and your kids.
Tuesday 26 March 2013
Potty Training Condor 1
METHOD :
Started potty training him around 2+ years old because wanted to send him to Diyana, which only accepted kids at 2.5 years old who are fully potty trained.
Tried sitting him on plastic potty, but he didn't like it because the pee cover rubbed or pressed against his penis. Settled on potty like a miniature toilet, which was Justin's old one.
Tried letting him walk around pantless, but worried about the poo, so tied a makeshift nappy around his hips which kept falling and he kept trying to remove. Kept peeing on he floor and couldn't control. Would sit him on the toilet every hour or so, and sweat buckets while waiting for him to pee, only to give up and bring him down and pee on the floor 5 seconds later. Gave up after a few days, too much stress.
Tried again in another 1 or 2 months. Same nappy, same discomfort. Constantly wet himself, and peed on the floor right after being lifted from potty. Bought a whole bunch of underwear and let him wear it, but still no success. Lots of potty dancing, screaming and scolding (because other people told me that's what they did and it worked for their kids, who became dry in something like a week), but no effect. I went a little nuts in pressuring him. Couldn't understand why it was so difficult when everyone else had success in as little as a few days!!! Didn't help that Oo ku and others were around while attempting this, and they would verbally berate him for failing and Oo ku even carried him to the potty and tried to force him to pee. I could tell the pressure sort of embarassed and traumatised him to the point he was scared to look at the toilet or potty. Gave up after a week, with no progress.
Tried again in another 2 months or so. Prepped him for a couple of weeks before by reading the "I Want My Potty" book. Also gave him Lightning McQueen stickers to stick on his potty to personalise it. Let him just his potty (lid down) as a chair to watch shows every once in awhile. Left it in plain sight in his play area, so he could sit anytime he wanted.
Then went pantless. Would still piddle on the floor, but I had to keep calm and remind him, "The potty is the place" ... and take him there to sit down even though he may have been finished. Still not much success with the pee. Discovered he preferred to stand and pee into the bowl, and that was successful with me urging him there every couple of hours (or after lots of liquids) and making "shhhh" sounds. Would pee once in awhile, but still not consistent, still peeing on the floor. Especially when there were lots of people in the house (Chian Ee and gang).
WHEN :
2+ years onwards
RESULTS :
Breakthrough moment was one morning when he came down from bed. He urgently wanted to poo, and we removed his diapers but were too busy talking to notice him jumping around. He ran to the nearby potty, and we lifted the cover for him and he plopped his butt down on it and let loose! He was very pleased with all our cheering.
Can't remember much after that, but there were hits and misses, but mostly he was able to run to the potty on his own when he needed to pee. Then we put underwear on him, which he would wet once in awhile. Then practiced him in undies when we went out for short trips to the playground, without incident.
Slowly, his control got better and better, despite the trauma in Diyana. As long as we brought him to toilet every few hours, he could hold it in. By about 3 years or so, he was almost 100% potty trained!
Started potty training him around 2+ years old because wanted to send him to Diyana, which only accepted kids at 2.5 years old who are fully potty trained.
Tried sitting him on plastic potty, but he didn't like it because the pee cover rubbed or pressed against his penis. Settled on potty like a miniature toilet, which was Justin's old one.
Tried letting him walk around pantless, but worried about the poo, so tied a makeshift nappy around his hips which kept falling and he kept trying to remove. Kept peeing on he floor and couldn't control. Would sit him on the toilet every hour or so, and sweat buckets while waiting for him to pee, only to give up and bring him down and pee on the floor 5 seconds later. Gave up after a few days, too much stress.
Tried again in another 1 or 2 months. Same nappy, same discomfort. Constantly wet himself, and peed on the floor right after being lifted from potty. Bought a whole bunch of underwear and let him wear it, but still no success. Lots of potty dancing, screaming and scolding (because other people told me that's what they did and it worked for their kids, who became dry in something like a week), but no effect. I went a little nuts in pressuring him. Couldn't understand why it was so difficult when everyone else had success in as little as a few days!!! Didn't help that Oo ku and others were around while attempting this, and they would verbally berate him for failing and Oo ku even carried him to the potty and tried to force him to pee. I could tell the pressure sort of embarassed and traumatised him to the point he was scared to look at the toilet or potty. Gave up after a week, with no progress.
Tried again in another 2 months or so. Prepped him for a couple of weeks before by reading the "I Want My Potty" book. Also gave him Lightning McQueen stickers to stick on his potty to personalise it. Let him just his potty (lid down) as a chair to watch shows every once in awhile. Left it in plain sight in his play area, so he could sit anytime he wanted.
Then went pantless. Would still piddle on the floor, but I had to keep calm and remind him, "The potty is the place" ... and take him there to sit down even though he may have been finished. Still not much success with the pee. Discovered he preferred to stand and pee into the bowl, and that was successful with me urging him there every couple of hours (or after lots of liquids) and making "shhhh" sounds. Would pee once in awhile, but still not consistent, still peeing on the floor. Especially when there were lots of people in the house (Chian Ee and gang).
WHEN :
2+ years onwards
RESULTS :
Breakthrough moment was one morning when he came down from bed. He urgently wanted to poo, and we removed his diapers but were too busy talking to notice him jumping around. He ran to the nearby potty, and we lifted the cover for him and he plopped his butt down on it and let loose! He was very pleased with all our cheering.
Can't remember much after that, but there were hits and misses, but mostly he was able to run to the potty on his own when he needed to pee. Then we put underwear on him, which he would wet once in awhile. Then practiced him in undies when we went out for short trips to the playground, without incident.
Slowly, his control got better and better, despite the trauma in Diyana. As long as we brought him to toilet every few hours, he could hold it in. By about 3 years or so, he was almost 100% potty trained!
Monday 28 January 2013
Melbourne Recce : Impressions
It's been almost 15 years since I've lived in Australia, and I was worried I remembered everything with rose-tinted glasses on. Plus, I was single, and had no kids or family to worry about - just myself. I loved every minute of being in Adelaide. But would it be the same today?
Since we had to activate our visa with this initial trip to Melbourne, I decided to jot down my latest impressions as a mom, wife and adult who's already eaten a bit of salt in her working life.
- Meat (beef, lamb, pork, chicken) are cheaper, even after conversion! Hooray!
- If you're earning in Oz dollars, everything is more affordable than in Malaysia. Your buying power is higher here because prices are almost dollar for dollar e.g. Fuel is RM1.90 in Malaysia, and AUD1.30 in Oz. So are salaries e.g. RM4k in Msia and for the same job, you'll probably earn AUD4k too.
- Pampers are ridiculous. AUD33 vs RM46 !!! No Mamy Poko, only Huggies so far. Thank God Josh is ok with using this brand. We have to ship a ton from home, and start potty training Joshua ASAP.
- King beds are non-existent. Mainly Queen beds due to small bedroom sizes, and they are about a foot longer than the Queen beds in Msia. All our bedsheets won't fit. Shit. No point buying quilts from home because they won't fit and won't be thick enough.
- Using dryers are bloody expensive. They take 2 hours of electricity-draining hot air to dry a small load. Dang. May still have to line dry the laundry.
- You can get sunburned (red face, not peeling yet) after walking in the morning sun for 1 hour. Sunblock is always a must.
- The water isn't as hard as it was in Adelaide. My hands didn't dry that much when I did washing, didn't really start cracking or hurting, and should be fine with regular moisturiser. Water can be drunk from the tap, but tastes a bit weird due to fluoride. Found out fluoride is really toxic and can reduce IQ over time. Can only get rid of it via reverse osmosis, and even then it's not all. Can't escape it since all water there is fluoridated, and bottled water is bloody bloody expensive there it seems.
- No more watching movies for us. Tickets are now AUD20 instead of AUD8 that I used to pay in Adelaide. OMG.
- Gotta get the kids used to other yogurts, because Petit Miam is more expensive than Malaysia after conversion. Dutch Lady UHT milk doesn't exist, so I gotta introduce fresh milk to them now. Kids are also ok with meat pies, which is VERY good news.
- My little chinamen need their rice. They can't put in much of the gwailo food. Get full really fast on the proteins. Condor 2 actually liked eating the steamed cauliflower and carrots there, without needed to mash it into the rice. The veggies are really sweet and yummy.
- Avocadoes and salmon are NOT cheap. But, gotta wait for the sales. Hoard, hoard, HOARD!
- I should ship my own stationery, since I already have so much here at home. Expensiveeee.
- Very expensive to eat out, if you convert. But it's almost dollar for dollar as when we eat out in Malaysia. e.g. dinner in an expensive celebrity chef restaurant for 4 adults + 2 kids came up to AUD120. Not so bad if you're earning money there. But the simple meals are really costly, as nothing under AUD10. Fish & Chips are AUD10, and good sandwiches can be about AUD15. McD can also come up to AUD25 for 3 adults + 2 kids. Good news is there are plenty of microwave dinners (Weight Watchers) and frozen pies, so even if we eat at home all the time, I don't need to panic if I can't cook dinner everyday. Pies are like AUD5 for a pack of 4, so yay!
- Tax is ridiculous. Very easy to hit the 45% tax bracket. At least we actually benefit from our tax money there.
- The boyz sleep very well in this weather, even though it was summer. Either that, or they're really tired. They could sleep more than 2 hours uninterrupted! WOOHOO! But C2 is still very hot stuff, and sweats in his sleep (back of head and neck, and his pillow, are drenched) even on the cold days, and at night, even though he's just wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt and diapers!
- There are a disappointingly high number of Asians in the Boxhill / Mont Albert area, mainly people from China, since they are all conversing in sharp and and hissy Mandarin. They also brought their unpleasant social behaviour with them e.g. not waiting for people to alight a train before they barged on board, only mixing among themselves and not with the locals, sprawling themselves all over the seat on the train so that others won't take the vacant seats opposite them etc.... Me no likee. Didn't run across many Malaysians or Singaporeans.
- Australians (caucasians) kept staring at me and Papa Condor wherever we went. Not with hostility, but with a mix of interest and curiosity. They were also really friendly, and ready to engage. At first, I thought that it was because I was so exotic and gorgeous, despite my mommy fats, that they couldn't help but stare. But later, we surmised that it was because we looked Asian, but not typically Chinese. And we conversed in English, and so did our kids. Not in Mandarin. Our accents were not Indian, Hongkie nor Pinoy, so they must be wondering what the hell we were. You can see how their initial expressions (which are a little guarded) melt into friendly ones the minute they hear us speaking English to each other.
- Australia Day is a bad day to go out. 2 pimply punk-ass teenagers snubbed me and the kids, choosing to take the stairs rather than wait for the lift with us. I had smiled at them (since everyone to that point had been super friendly and chatty), but didn't return it and looked away, saying loudly after they had passed, "Get out of the country!" I was shocked, then replied loudly, "Assholes!" In-bred dickwads.
This experience ruined the trip for me because if I can get this treatment 4 days into a short holiday, what happens if I extrapolate it into 40 years of making a life here?!? How will my boyz be treated, growing up? Will they be bullied, or will they be accepted? Taking my previous bullet point into this analysis, it's possible that the hostility to Asians is due to their unwillingness to assimilate into the society they've joined - if that's the case, we should be fine since we are as Western-minded and eager to assimilate as they come. We can't even speak Chinese. We love the Australian way of life and plan to fully embrace it and have plenty of Aussie friends (if we can) and not just stick to our own people.
- They have DAISO and CRABTREE here! WOOHOO! But must go to the big malls like Westfield. The others only have small-time or local brands. And Daiso seems to be AUD3 per item, not AUD2 like the 2 dollar Oz shops. Oh can someone please bring Uniqlo to Melbourne??
- The most fantastic beautiful weather for exercise and outdoor play with the kids. Even when it's hot, the cold wind makes the heat non-existent (dangerous without sunblock, as you burn without realising) and you don't SWEAT! Oh joy! No more sweating!!! Although I did sweat since we are struggling with 2 demon boyz, one hour of struggling produces a light misting of sweat, not the torrential sticky mess you get in KL after 1min of struggling. It's sort of a similar comparison when you talk about rain in Melbourne.
- The sun goes down at 8.30pm-ish. So we have such a huge window for taking the kids out to the playground, and not have to worry about the dark, muggers, or Aedes mosquitoes. Although their mozzies are quite big and itchy too, as the only existing mozzie in a 5-kilometre radius can always somehow find ME to bite me all over the place.
- Safe to leave things unattended. Garage doors can be left open, without worry that people will walk into the ungated yard and swipe your shit. For once, I didn't constantly worry about keeping my pouch in front of me for fear of pickpockets. I could comfortably carry Joshua, with my pouch dangling safely behind me, instead of Joshua using it as a foothold to rock-climb the front of my body.
- The air is very dry, and C2 drank tons of water. He went thru diapers like crazy. His skin is also too sensitive to the air, and he had dry skin or some sort of eczema all over the parts that were exposed to the air (calves). Condor 1 got it on his cheeks. Windburn, maybe? I have to moisturise the boyz like mad before every outing. But at least I won't be sweating buckets each time I put the lotion on, or have to worry that the lotion will burn their face or neck, or that it's stinks or that it's toxic if they accidentally get some in their mouths or eyes (the thing I hate the most in Msia is putting on heavy-duty mozzie lotion each time we go out). Lip balm is a must.
- Woolies lasagnia is very very nice!
- General consensus when talking to people living here is that there is a racial ceiling. Caucasians will always be chosen for management positions over the Asians, or so we've been told, but that's if you're looking at promotions within the country and not cross-country transfers within the same company. I'm still not 100% sure about it being a skin colour thing. I have a suspicion it's an industry and language thing. Some industries will be harder for non-Aussies, usually the more corporate or political ones, like banking, finance, consultancy etc... But for industries like video games, it's super multicultural and it's run like a meritocracy. Onto language, people will never want to promote someone who can't communicate as well as their closest competitor. Come on, even I won't do that here if I was the boss. Also, if you're still speaking in an accent that makes it hard for the other Aussies to understand you, it makes you a less appealing candidate. So I gotta put on my Aussie voice if I wanna get back into the corporate world. But I'm not into the rat race anymore, so I guess that's a moot worry.
- Education is STILL very expensive, even if you're a Permanent Resident. State Schools will still cost you AUD4k, which is about the same as a private education in Malaysia. FUCK la. Not yet enter University also so expensive already. Feel really depressed now. Kindy is semi-subsidised, so it's about AUD400 a term. About half of what kindies here cost, but that's only for 2 days a week whereas Msia is for 5 days a week! So I guess the cost is the same. WTF am I doing going to Oz?!?!?!?!? Oh yeah, education is in English and quality of life will be better, and we will be physically safer from all the crime. I really hope this move is the right one for us.
http://m.theage.com.au/data-point/private-fees-mount-as-education-costs-soar-20130124-2d8c4.html
- Kindies are very play-based. Unlike here, where 3-4 year old kids are already pressured to learn how to read, write, use phonics - the kids this age are still encouraged to learn via play. They don't teach the kids to read or write alphabets / numbers till they are 5, when they go to Prep School. Then they start Year 1 at 6 years old! I think C1 will thrive better in such a system, but I hope we can get him into a school in time for him to benefit! So rushed!!
- Gardens are a must, by law! Every house must have a certain ratio allotted to a garden, and you must upkeep it and remove all the constant weeds or you can get fined. Also, you can't just cut down a tree cuz it's pissing you off, even if it's on your property. You need permission from the council and you gotta plant a new one to replace it. Guess we should create a herb or veggie garden to make all the effort of weeding worth it. At least you're growing something you can use, and not just pretty, useless flowers.
- Papa Condor is awesome at his job and will always be in demand. But I'm a bit worried for myself now. Will I be awesome enough? I know I am awesome, but it's been so long since I've had to show it professionally. God, please help guide me.
- Property is ridiculously expensive. And the rental is low, so no way you can make up for the repayments by earnings from rental. AUD500k on average for a 2 bedroom house in a moderately good area. AUD1million and above for apartments nearer to or in the CBD. Scared if we buy a place now, property value will drop next year, since they are predicting a bit of an economic downturn, and we lose out. Please God, guide us to choose well.
- I will hopefully lose weight. It's too expensive to overeat and gorge myself here.
I'm also reminded of the unpleasantness I had to brush off while in Adelaide (the racist fellas telling us to "Go back to Asia"), but we are getting that in Malaysia more and more now thanks to the politicians and stupid brainwashing happening in local universities, so if we're gonna be treated as second-class citizens, better it be in a country where your rights are actually safeguarded by the government.
All in all, the experience removed the rose-tint from my memories and my assumptions, but I'm still surprisingly optimistic about the move. That's a big thing, considering my penchant for preparing for the worst. I'm 90% sure we will be happy there. Fingers crossed :)
Since we had to activate our visa with this initial trip to Melbourne, I decided to jot down my latest impressions as a mom, wife and adult who's already eaten a bit of salt in her working life.
MY MELBOURNE OBSERVATIONS :
- Fresh food (fruits, veggies), packaged foods and generally everything in retail are really expensive! I had the impression they were cheaper than in Malaysia and was SOOO looking forward to experimental cooking with cheap, high quality foods. The good news is that during the sales / offers at Woolies and Coles, they become ridiculously cheap. So gotta buy and freeze and hoard.- Meat (beef, lamb, pork, chicken) are cheaper, even after conversion! Hooray!
- If you're earning in Oz dollars, everything is more affordable than in Malaysia. Your buying power is higher here because prices are almost dollar for dollar e.g. Fuel is RM1.90 in Malaysia, and AUD1.30 in Oz. So are salaries e.g. RM4k in Msia and for the same job, you'll probably earn AUD4k too.
- Pampers are ridiculous. AUD33 vs RM46 !!! No Mamy Poko, only Huggies so far. Thank God Josh is ok with using this brand. We have to ship a ton from home, and start potty training Joshua ASAP.
- King beds are non-existent. Mainly Queen beds due to small bedroom sizes, and they are about a foot longer than the Queen beds in Msia. All our bedsheets won't fit. Shit. No point buying quilts from home because they won't fit and won't be thick enough.
- Using dryers are bloody expensive. They take 2 hours of electricity-draining hot air to dry a small load. Dang. May still have to line dry the laundry.
- You can get sunburned (red face, not peeling yet) after walking in the morning sun for 1 hour. Sunblock is always a must.
- The water isn't as hard as it was in Adelaide. My hands didn't dry that much when I did washing, didn't really start cracking or hurting, and should be fine with regular moisturiser. Water can be drunk from the tap, but tastes a bit weird due to fluoride. Found out fluoride is really toxic and can reduce IQ over time. Can only get rid of it via reverse osmosis, and even then it's not all. Can't escape it since all water there is fluoridated, and bottled water is bloody bloody expensive there it seems.
- No more watching movies for us. Tickets are now AUD20 instead of AUD8 that I used to pay in Adelaide. OMG.
- Gotta get the kids used to other yogurts, because Petit Miam is more expensive than Malaysia after conversion. Dutch Lady UHT milk doesn't exist, so I gotta introduce fresh milk to them now. Kids are also ok with meat pies, which is VERY good news.
- My little chinamen need their rice. They can't put in much of the gwailo food. Get full really fast on the proteins. Condor 2 actually liked eating the steamed cauliflower and carrots there, without needed to mash it into the rice. The veggies are really sweet and yummy.
- Avocadoes and salmon are NOT cheap. But, gotta wait for the sales. Hoard, hoard, HOARD!
- I should ship my own stationery, since I already have so much here at home. Expensiveeee.
- Very expensive to eat out, if you convert. But it's almost dollar for dollar as when we eat out in Malaysia. e.g. dinner in an expensive celebrity chef restaurant for 4 adults + 2 kids came up to AUD120. Not so bad if you're earning money there. But the simple meals are really costly, as nothing under AUD10. Fish & Chips are AUD10, and good sandwiches can be about AUD15. McD can also come up to AUD25 for 3 adults + 2 kids. Good news is there are plenty of microwave dinners (Weight Watchers) and frozen pies, so even if we eat at home all the time, I don't need to panic if I can't cook dinner everyday. Pies are like AUD5 for a pack of 4, so yay!
- Tax is ridiculous. Very easy to hit the 45% tax bracket. At least we actually benefit from our tax money there.
- The boyz sleep very well in this weather, even though it was summer. Either that, or they're really tired. They could sleep more than 2 hours uninterrupted! WOOHOO! But C2 is still very hot stuff, and sweats in his sleep (back of head and neck, and his pillow, are drenched) even on the cold days, and at night, even though he's just wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt and diapers!
- There are a disappointingly high number of Asians in the Boxhill / Mont Albert area, mainly people from China, since they are all conversing in sharp and and hissy Mandarin. They also brought their unpleasant social behaviour with them e.g. not waiting for people to alight a train before they barged on board, only mixing among themselves and not with the locals, sprawling themselves all over the seat on the train so that others won't take the vacant seats opposite them etc.... Me no likee. Didn't run across many Malaysians or Singaporeans.
- Australians (caucasians) kept staring at me and Papa Condor wherever we went. Not with hostility, but with a mix of interest and curiosity. They were also really friendly, and ready to engage. At first, I thought that it was because I was so exotic and gorgeous, despite my mommy fats, that they couldn't help but stare. But later, we surmised that it was because we looked Asian, but not typically Chinese. And we conversed in English, and so did our kids. Not in Mandarin. Our accents were not Indian, Hongkie nor Pinoy, so they must be wondering what the hell we were. You can see how their initial expressions (which are a little guarded) melt into friendly ones the minute they hear us speaking English to each other.
- Australia Day is a bad day to go out. 2 pimply punk-ass teenagers snubbed me and the kids, choosing to take the stairs rather than wait for the lift with us. I had smiled at them (since everyone to that point had been super friendly and chatty), but didn't return it and looked away, saying loudly after they had passed, "Get out of the country!" I was shocked, then replied loudly, "Assholes!" In-bred dickwads.
This experience ruined the trip for me because if I can get this treatment 4 days into a short holiday, what happens if I extrapolate it into 40 years of making a life here?!? How will my boyz be treated, growing up? Will they be bullied, or will they be accepted? Taking my previous bullet point into this analysis, it's possible that the hostility to Asians is due to their unwillingness to assimilate into the society they've joined - if that's the case, we should be fine since we are as Western-minded and eager to assimilate as they come. We can't even speak Chinese. We love the Australian way of life and plan to fully embrace it and have plenty of Aussie friends (if we can) and not just stick to our own people.
- They have DAISO and CRABTREE here! WOOHOO! But must go to the big malls like Westfield. The others only have small-time or local brands. And Daiso seems to be AUD3 per item, not AUD2 like the 2 dollar Oz shops. Oh can someone please bring Uniqlo to Melbourne??
- The most fantastic beautiful weather for exercise and outdoor play with the kids. Even when it's hot, the cold wind makes the heat non-existent (dangerous without sunblock, as you burn without realising) and you don't SWEAT! Oh joy! No more sweating!!! Although I did sweat since we are struggling with 2 demon boyz, one hour of struggling produces a light misting of sweat, not the torrential sticky mess you get in KL after 1min of struggling. It's sort of a similar comparison when you talk about rain in Melbourne.
- The sun goes down at 8.30pm-ish. So we have such a huge window for taking the kids out to the playground, and not have to worry about the dark, muggers, or Aedes mosquitoes. Although their mozzies are quite big and itchy too, as the only existing mozzie in a 5-kilometre radius can always somehow find ME to bite me all over the place.
- Safe to leave things unattended. Garage doors can be left open, without worry that people will walk into the ungated yard and swipe your shit. For once, I didn't constantly worry about keeping my pouch in front of me for fear of pickpockets. I could comfortably carry Joshua, with my pouch dangling safely behind me, instead of Joshua using it as a foothold to rock-climb the front of my body.
- The air is very dry, and C2 drank tons of water. He went thru diapers like crazy. His skin is also too sensitive to the air, and he had dry skin or some sort of eczema all over the parts that were exposed to the air (calves). Condor 1 got it on his cheeks. Windburn, maybe? I have to moisturise the boyz like mad before every outing. But at least I won't be sweating buckets each time I put the lotion on, or have to worry that the lotion will burn their face or neck, or that it's stinks or that it's toxic if they accidentally get some in their mouths or eyes (the thing I hate the most in Msia is putting on heavy-duty mozzie lotion each time we go out). Lip balm is a must.
- Woolies lasagnia is very very nice!
- General consensus when talking to people living here is that there is a racial ceiling. Caucasians will always be chosen for management positions over the Asians, or so we've been told, but that's if you're looking at promotions within the country and not cross-country transfers within the same company. I'm still not 100% sure about it being a skin colour thing. I have a suspicion it's an industry and language thing. Some industries will be harder for non-Aussies, usually the more corporate or political ones, like banking, finance, consultancy etc... But for industries like video games, it's super multicultural and it's run like a meritocracy. Onto language, people will never want to promote someone who can't communicate as well as their closest competitor. Come on, even I won't do that here if I was the boss. Also, if you're still speaking in an accent that makes it hard for the other Aussies to understand you, it makes you a less appealing candidate. So I gotta put on my Aussie voice if I wanna get back into the corporate world. But I'm not into the rat race anymore, so I guess that's a moot worry.
- Education is STILL very expensive, even if you're a Permanent Resident. State Schools will still cost you AUD4k, which is about the same as a private education in Malaysia. FUCK la. Not yet enter University also so expensive already. Feel really depressed now. Kindy is semi-subsidised, so it's about AUD400 a term. About half of what kindies here cost, but that's only for 2 days a week whereas Msia is for 5 days a week! So I guess the cost is the same. WTF am I doing going to Oz?!?!?!?!? Oh yeah, education is in English and quality of life will be better, and we will be physically safer from all the crime. I really hope this move is the right one for us.
http://m.theage.com.au/data-
- Kindies are very play-based. Unlike here, where 3-4 year old kids are already pressured to learn how to read, write, use phonics - the kids this age are still encouraged to learn via play. They don't teach the kids to read or write alphabets / numbers till they are 5, when they go to Prep School. Then they start Year 1 at 6 years old! I think C1 will thrive better in such a system, but I hope we can get him into a school in time for him to benefit! So rushed!!
- Gardens are a must, by law! Every house must have a certain ratio allotted to a garden, and you must upkeep it and remove all the constant weeds or you can get fined. Also, you can't just cut down a tree cuz it's pissing you off, even if it's on your property. You need permission from the council and you gotta plant a new one to replace it. Guess we should create a herb or veggie garden to make all the effort of weeding worth it. At least you're growing something you can use, and not just pretty, useless flowers.
- Papa Condor is awesome at his job and will always be in demand. But I'm a bit worried for myself now. Will I be awesome enough? I know I am awesome, but it's been so long since I've had to show it professionally. God, please help guide me.
- Property is ridiculously expensive. And the rental is low, so no way you can make up for the repayments by earnings from rental. AUD500k on average for a 2 bedroom house in a moderately good area. AUD1million and above for apartments nearer to or in the CBD. Scared if we buy a place now, property value will drop next year, since they are predicting a bit of an economic downturn, and we lose out. Please God, guide us to choose well.
- I will hopefully lose weight. It's too expensive to overeat and gorge myself here.
CONCLUSION :
I had this impression of Australia being the solution to all our problems, and boy have my eyes been opened. Things are not much better there, in terms of cost of living and salary. The consumerism we enjoyed in Malaysia will not be as easily enjoyed there if we want to save money, but overall quality of life is better due to the culture, laws, weather, people, mindset and WEATHER (did I stress that one enough?). Education will hopefully prove to be better. I really hope and pray for this one, since there seems to be no cost savings.I'm also reminded of the unpleasantness I had to brush off while in Adelaide (the racist fellas telling us to "Go back to Asia"), but we are getting that in Malaysia more and more now thanks to the politicians and stupid brainwashing happening in local universities, so if we're gonna be treated as second-class citizens, better it be in a country where your rights are actually safeguarded by the government.
All in all, the experience removed the rose-tint from my memories and my assumptions, but I'm still surprisingly optimistic about the move. That's a big thing, considering my penchant for preparing for the worst. I'm 90% sure we will be happy there. Fingers crossed :)
Sunday 13 January 2013
Teaching Condor 1 & 2 to share
Condor 1 wants a toy, other kid refuses to share because he's not ready to, doesn't know how or is just an asshole. C1 TO meltsdown and I can't do anything about it, because he's fixated on the toys. Can't expect small kids to understand sharing when they've not been taught to, and can't expect them to understand the concept of sharing when they only understand ownership.
Can't expect small kids to understand sharing when they've not been taught to.
METHOD :
Teach my kids to ask others to "Exchange", then thrust another toy in their face to tempt them, then take the toy my kid wants from the other kid's loosened hand, which had loosened to take hold of the new toy. Then say, "Thank you" during the exchange. Gotta guide their hands the whole way, in the beginning, until they can understand and remember the process, then transition to verbal reminders to "exchange".
Sometimes, the other kid doesn't want the new toy offered. Told C1, "He doesn't want this one. Find one that he wants" and guide C1 to find another toy that may interest him. Keep offering new toys till one works. If all doesn't work, then tell C1, "He's not ready to share, so we can't force him to. You will have to wait till it's your turn to play." Then calm, console and distract C1 as much as possible while keeping a hawkeye on the other kid, then prompting C1 to grab it the minute the kid is done, "Ok, he's done. Your turn to play now! Go take it!"
WHEN :
Started teaching C1 around 2 years old and Condor 2@ 18 months.
RESULTS :
C1 and C2 do not fight over toys (sometimes still do, if it's a brand new toy) and can exchange toys peacefully on their own when at home or even seated in their car seats during a long journey. Each automatically understands that when a new toy is thrust in their face, if they like it, they give their current toy to the other without a fight. They do not hoard toys, and tend to play with one toy at a time. Sometimes, when C2 is done with his toy (the one that C1 wants), he will walk over to C1 and hand it to him without further prompting.
Can't expect small kids to understand sharing when they've not been taught to.
Teach my kids to ask others to "Exchange", then thrust another toy in their face to tempt them, then take the toy my kid wants from the other kid's loosened hand, which had loosened to take hold of the new toy. Then say, "Thank you" during the exchange. Gotta guide their hands the whole way, in the beginning, until they can understand and remember the process, then transition to verbal reminders to "exchange".
Sometimes, the other kid doesn't want the new toy offered. Told C1, "He doesn't want this one. Find one that he wants" and guide C1 to find another toy that may interest him. Keep offering new toys till one works. If all doesn't work, then tell C1, "He's not ready to share, so we can't force him to. You will have to wait till it's your turn to play." Then calm, console and distract C1 as much as possible while keeping a hawkeye on the other kid, then prompting C1 to grab it the minute the kid is done, "Ok, he's done. Your turn to play now! Go take it!"
WHEN :
Started teaching C1 around 2 years old and Condor 2@ 18 months.
RESULTS :
C1 and C2 do not fight over toys (sometimes still do, if it's a brand new toy) and can exchange toys peacefully on their own when at home or even seated in their car seats during a long journey. Each automatically understands that when a new toy is thrust in their face, if they like it, they give their current toy to the other without a fight. They do not hoard toys, and tend to play with one toy at a time. Sometimes, when C2 is done with his toy (the one that C1 wants), he will walk over to C1 and hand it to him without further prompting.
Wednesday 24 October 2012
How To Gently Introduce Your Toddler To Kindergarten
STEP 1 :
Dump him into the kindergarten of your first choice, prepared to stay there the whole day, only to have him wave bye-bye to you and disappear around the corner without a care in the world.
STEP 2 :
Discover 1 week later how much he hates the kindergarten, and you have to pull him out before it creates irreparable psychological damage due to the insensitive, asshole teacher in charge of his young toddler mind. Lucky we only lose the deposit and not the term fees.
STEP 3 :
Wait for a month to let him recover, all the while trying to brainwash him with books or videos about how fun school is. Let him choose a water bottle or something personal that is specifically for his school, and tell him it's for school.
STEP 4 :
Take him to your 2nd choice kindy, and explain your previous difficulties to the new teacher / principal and ask them to be patient with him and not force him into anything. Be ignored by them the first few times, until they see how much he cries each time he loses sight of you, then be taken seriously. Now you can tell them for real what you need them to do for your son.
STEP 5 :
Stay with him the whole session, bringing your second child with you because you can't leave him alone at home. Sweat to death the entire time because you are busy chasing both boys around the kindy and trying to get them to sit down and listen to the teacher or participate. Occasionally chasing around one of the other kindy kids, to be helpful to the teachers and hopefully inspire them to be patient with my own kids. Take lots of pictures and see how patient teachers are with him.
STEP 6 :
Fall horribly sick the next day due to all the heat and stress, develop killer sore throat, which morphs into horrible wet cough in the next few days and lasts for more than a month. The kids too. Reduce the number of days you go to kindy from 4 days/week to 2 days/week because your body just can't take it. Especially since you still have to take care of the household chores, cleaning, cooking, laundry etc... after you've spent the whole exhausting morning there with the 2 kids. Lunch is impossible to cook, unless I wake up really early that morning to make the soup before we leave. Most of the time, mommy will go hungry because she only has enough time to cook lunch for the kids, and none for herself. Some of the times, mommy will tapau KFC for everyone, and on those days, mommy will feel human again.
STEP 7 :
Keep this up for 2 exhausting months. Made worse by the fact that the timing runs into the biggest crime month of the year, Ramadhan. Add the stress from the constant fear of being car jacked, robbed, snatch thefted, slashed in front of your home, smash-and-grabbed, home invaded etc... to the mix, as friends and family around you are victims of such crime during that month.
STEP 8 :
Discover what your kid enjoys, which is art and craft. And wait for the holiday programme, which is intensive art and crafts, and start warning him that you can't follow him to school anymore. Follow him for 3-days into the holiday programme. Then tell him he'll be staying on his own the next day, and that the teachers will be taking care of him after that. Mommy needs to go home and clean the house and cook his food, and she will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock - show him where the hands go on the clock.
STEP 9 :
Drop off second kid with mother in law. Leave eldest in school on the last day of the week, so you have the weekend to reassure him and bond with him. Steel yourself for tears and wailing. There will be a lot of it. Be firm, do not show him that you are worried. It's no big deal. Show him the clock on the wall and tell him that mommy will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock. Leave your number with the teacher and tell them to call you if he's been crying non-stop for more than 30 minutes. Wait around outside the classroom, hidden, listening to him wail and wring your hands helplessly. See the teacher finally manage to distract him with something, then make your getaway, and continue hand wringing at home, keeping your phone (which never rings) close to you in case. Pick him up before classes end, see him beaming at the sight of you, hug him happily (but do not show him your anxiety) and point to the clock and show him that it's 12 o'clock and mommy is here as promised. Do this each time. Be surprised that he's quite cheery the rest of the day, compared to his shutdown behaviour from the previous kindy.
STEP 10 :
Spend lots of quality time over the weekend, talking about how good the teachers were to him and assuring him that they will take care of him, and that he should learn to ask them for help if he can't do something. Help him to make "Thank you" cards for the teachers, with their names on it, and buy some Hershey kisses to go with them.
STEP 10 :
Get him to hand deliver each thank you card & chocolate to all his teachers. Continue leaving him there, telling him you're going out to cook, will be back at 12 o'clock - then leave and listen to him wail until he gets distracted, all the while holding 2nd child and hiding behind the wall. But the wailing is less and less now.
STEP 11 :
After 2 weeks of leaving him there with bated breath (minus some days he had to stay home because he's always catching something), he starts waving happily at you and saying, "Bye bye mommy!" when you drop him off, and you can finally start making plans in the mornings he goes to kindy!
STEP 12 :
A little hiccup as the wailing starts again when the new term begins, because he hates the structured learning and lessons. But stand firm and leave him there. He will be ok.
Dump him into the kindergarten of your first choice, prepared to stay there the whole day, only to have him wave bye-bye to you and disappear around the corner without a care in the world.
STEP 2 :
Discover 1 week later how much he hates the kindergarten, and you have to pull him out before it creates irreparable psychological damage due to the insensitive, asshole teacher in charge of his young toddler mind. Lucky we only lose the deposit and not the term fees.
STEP 3 :
Wait for a month to let him recover, all the while trying to brainwash him with books or videos about how fun school is. Let him choose a water bottle or something personal that is specifically for his school, and tell him it's for school.
STEP 4 :
Take him to your 2nd choice kindy, and explain your previous difficulties to the new teacher / principal and ask them to be patient with him and not force him into anything. Be ignored by them the first few times, until they see how much he cries each time he loses sight of you, then be taken seriously. Now you can tell them for real what you need them to do for your son.
STEP 5 :
Stay with him the whole session, bringing your second child with you because you can't leave him alone at home. Sweat to death the entire time because you are busy chasing both boys around the kindy and trying to get them to sit down and listen to the teacher or participate. Occasionally chasing around one of the other kindy kids, to be helpful to the teachers and hopefully inspire them to be patient with my own kids. Take lots of pictures and see how patient teachers are with him.
STEP 6 :
Fall horribly sick the next day due to all the heat and stress, develop killer sore throat, which morphs into horrible wet cough in the next few days and lasts for more than a month. The kids too. Reduce the number of days you go to kindy from 4 days/week to 2 days/week because your body just can't take it. Especially since you still have to take care of the household chores, cleaning, cooking, laundry etc... after you've spent the whole exhausting morning there with the 2 kids. Lunch is impossible to cook, unless I wake up really early that morning to make the soup before we leave. Most of the time, mommy will go hungry because she only has enough time to cook lunch for the kids, and none for herself. Some of the times, mommy will tapau KFC for everyone, and on those days, mommy will feel human again.
STEP 7 :
Keep this up for 2 exhausting months. Made worse by the fact that the timing runs into the biggest crime month of the year, Ramadhan. Add the stress from the constant fear of being car jacked, robbed, snatch thefted, slashed in front of your home, smash-and-grabbed, home invaded etc... to the mix, as friends and family around you are victims of such crime during that month.
STEP 8 :
Discover what your kid enjoys, which is art and craft. And wait for the holiday programme, which is intensive art and crafts, and start warning him that you can't follow him to school anymore. Follow him for 3-days into the holiday programme. Then tell him he'll be staying on his own the next day, and that the teachers will be taking care of him after that. Mommy needs to go home and clean the house and cook his food, and she will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock - show him where the hands go on the clock.
STEP 9 :
Drop off second kid with mother in law. Leave eldest in school on the last day of the week, so you have the weekend to reassure him and bond with him. Steel yourself for tears and wailing. There will be a lot of it. Be firm, do not show him that you are worried. It's no big deal. Show him the clock on the wall and tell him that mommy will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock. Leave your number with the teacher and tell them to call you if he's been crying non-stop for more than 30 minutes. Wait around outside the classroom, hidden, listening to him wail and wring your hands helplessly. See the teacher finally manage to distract him with something, then make your getaway, and continue hand wringing at home, keeping your phone (which never rings) close to you in case. Pick him up before classes end, see him beaming at the sight of you, hug him happily (but do not show him your anxiety) and point to the clock and show him that it's 12 o'clock and mommy is here as promised. Do this each time. Be surprised that he's quite cheery the rest of the day, compared to his shutdown behaviour from the previous kindy.
STEP 10 :
Spend lots of quality time over the weekend, talking about how good the teachers were to him and assuring him that they will take care of him, and that he should learn to ask them for help if he can't do something. Help him to make "Thank you" cards for the teachers, with their names on it, and buy some Hershey kisses to go with them.
STEP 10 :
Get him to hand deliver each thank you card & chocolate to all his teachers. Continue leaving him there, telling him you're going out to cook, will be back at 12 o'clock - then leave and listen to him wail until he gets distracted, all the while holding 2nd child and hiding behind the wall. But the wailing is less and less now.
STEP 11 :
After 2 weeks of leaving him there with bated breath (minus some days he had to stay home because he's always catching something), he starts waving happily at you and saying, "Bye bye mommy!" when you drop him off, and you can finally start making plans in the mornings he goes to kindy!
STEP 12 :
A little hiccup as the wailing starts again when the new term begins, because he hates the structured learning and lessons. But stand firm and leave him there. He will be ok.
Saturday 29 September 2012
Condor 1 sees a vampire in A&W ?
We were having tea with the hubbie's friends in A&W, the one by the Taman Jaya LRT station.
Condor 1had spent the whole day out, taking the LRT to KLCC this morning, and slept really late for his nap at 3pm. He woke up pretty grumpy, similar to how tired and grumpy he was in Genting.
Was trying to feed him in A&W when he started burying his face in the hubbie's lap. He had been watching the TV behind him before that. He kept saying he wanted to "get out get out" and acting like he was afraid, his whole body tensed. We figured he must've seen a balloon because that was upsetting him for the most part of the KLCC trip.
I dragged him over to me, but he kept his head down and when he realised it was me, he immediately climbed into my lap and made a beeline for my crucifix. He held it and kept saying, "Jesus protect me".
Then I realised he must have seen something.
I asked him what was wrong :
C1 : The face. Scared the face.
Mom : What face?
C1 : The face. The girl got the face. The girl's teeth so sharp. The teeth so brown. The teeth so sharp. I dowan to be scared.
I kept trying to prompt him to show me where this was, because I wondered if it was the TV. But he only repeated variations of the above, so I kept reawssuring him and telling him to continue praying and that mommy will make it "go away". He calmed down and was ok again.
Later at home, when he brought it up again, I asked him if the girl was inside the TV or outside. He said, "Outside" ... but later at night, again when he brought it up, he said it was in the TV.
Am pretty sure this one was from the TV cuz I saw some semi-scary ads with this weird woman wielding a pitchfork. But it still scared us a little because OMFG THERE COULD HAVE BEEN A VAMPIRE IN A&W!!!
| Thank God it wasn't Edward |
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