God's Wake Up Call = Me Falling Off A Chair

I fell today.

At 10.30am, I was blacking out the windows with sugar paper, and standing on my dresser which is about 4 feet off the ground. I stepped off the dresser and onto the plastic chair (that I've been using as a stepstool for years without incident) and noticed a long-lost hairclip that had fallen behind my dresser.

I was just thinking, "Hey cool! There it -," and the chair went out from under me.

Normally, I'm good at catching myself, having saved myself and Josh from a nasty fall a few weeks ago when irresponsible Malaysian shops left leaky aircond water on the floor. I managed to find a way to land on my knees, even though I was about to fall backwards.

This time, there was too much furniture in the way for my reflexes to right myself, and I was horribly helpless as gravity took control.

The chair flipped on its side and my whole weight came crashing down on its corner, jamming into my left buttock, making me bounce toward the bed so my head could take the rest of the impact when it cracked against a wooden beam cushioned inside the bedhead, and finally slamming my back on the floor.

I lay there are cried - in pain, and in fear. I didn't know how bad the damage was (but my back and neck were fragile enough with all the slipped disc problems, and I was afraid this had done them in) and I was afraid for Josh who was sleeping in the next room. What if I couldn't go to him?

This just made me more determined to show myself I was ok. Still went out to buy McD's for lunch, refuel the car, vacuum the room and take down the rest of the curtains.

But I had a lingering headache later in the afternoon, different from my usual sleep-deprivation migraines. And my neck was progressively getting worse. And I started to feel the excruciating pain in the places I had fallen. I could barely sit or roll on my left side, I was so sore.

Then I started feeling nauseous. This was starting to worry me.

Luckily, dad checked and said everything was ok, but to observe for vomiting and headaches.

I just felt the wind taken out of me. Although I still did lots of stuff, those were just the essentials. I had a lot more things planned for the day, and I just didn't have the heart to do them after this.

I felt like God was answering my earlier prayers about my mother's rage, and He was telling me to slow down for the sake of the family. So what if I'm not a great cook or super clean? The kids need me healthy, happy and ALIVE. Slow down!

Damn, now the fingers in my left hand have gone numb and feels sore like I've been flexing them all day. Having a bit of trouble typing with my left 3rd and 4th finger now. Please please be ok.

Marriage and Kids. Do we have the right expectations?

I was quite shaken to learn that there were many marriages in my generation of marriages which are / were / going to be in trouble.

Shaken because it seemed to be happening at the same time for all of them, and because my own marriage was also in the same "place" as the other marriages - as in, not married long, just had kids etc...

Shaken because it seemed like no marriage was safe.

Is this a phase everyone's marriage is supposed to go through? Like the 7-year itch?

Is mine going to go through the wringer as well??

The Husband and I were really worried. We started examing the health of our relationship to see if there were things we missed, since life with kids keeps you so busy you sometimes forget to change your underwear, much less remember to check-in with your spouse on their "feelings".

Yeah there are things I'm sure he's not happy with ... like I'm no domestic goddess, and he's lucky if I boil an egg for him and dust the room once every 6 months. And, after 2 kids, I don't look like a Victoria's Secret underwear model. Then again, I didn't look like one BEFORE the 2 kids ....

But I am an awesome person. And I am just plain awesome to be married to. And he was a good match to my awesomeness. He's soft where I am hard, and sensible where I am too emotional. He's my matching jigsaw piece. I am aware of it, and I appreciate it, often.

And we're lucky that we had discussed our mutual awesomeness and lack of awesomeness before we got married, and knew what our expectations of each other, of marriage and of parenthood were before all these things hit us.

And we're lucky that no matter how fucking tired we are at the end of the day, we still look forward to talking to each other in the twilight moments before we fall asleep.

We're just fucking lucky.

We're also always reminded how we were intended for each other by the grace of God. Literally brought together by His hand. And we're not going to waste all His efforts by sniping over who didn't put up the toilet seat.