Sexism in blogging

It has recently come to my attention that many people who read my posts think that I am a very "angry" person.

While that's often true, the anger is usually a result of some injustice - either inflicted upon me, someone that I care about, or sometimes even a stranger - that needs an avenging angel to, er, avenge.

I don't like being angry. I don't like being thought of as an angry person. But I suppose it's better than being called bitchy, a label more commonly applied to a woman with any sort of opinion or backbone or loud voice.

The thing is, my rants are just that. Rants. I don't carry them with me, once it's out into the blogesphere. I'm not angry like that all the time (especially since I'm no longer stressed out at work all the time).

I thought my rants would be thought provoking, amusing and (most importantly) harmless to read - much like watching a rabbit try to disembowel you with a pink, plastic Fisher Price knife.

In fact, I LOVE reading posts similar to mine in other blogs, or online profiles. Those dudes show their middle fingers and cuss all the time in their posts. And they too "appear" to be angry and forceful, but they're just ranting AT THAT MOMENT. They're not always like that.

I even found a kindred spirit in one of those people. We were complete strangers, but got on so well (and no, we did not RANT all the time. Our friendship is pretty tame and polite) that we climbed Mt Kinabalu together. He was a cool guy.

Then it hit me. All these entertaining, ranting bloggers were GUYS.

What the fuck?? So if a girl like me were to blog like this, I'd be labelled as bitchy, unstable or angry. But if a GUY blogs like this, he's fun to read?!?! Sexism in the blogesphere!!

Another piece of proof was this blog I'd created as an experiment. No one knew it was me, including my sister. She read the first post and actually thought it was well-written or entertaining or something like that, NOT knowing it was me, and her assumption was that it was written by .... jeng jeng jenggggg ..... a GUY (must be all that writing I did for FHM).

Bloody hell. This is so unfair! I don't like being thought of as this uncontrollable, angry chick - but I like writing like this. It's therapeutic. And I find it funny, even if no one else does. Sob.

All this because there's a preconceived image of girls being all feminine and gentle. So, I can't get away with writing the way a man does, because girls "aren't supposed to be like that". WTF.

My brother's theory is that when people imagine a male blogger speaking out the words, it sounds like a controlled, male rant. But if they imagine a FEMALE blogger speaking out the same words, they would automatically assume a whiny, bitchy or naggy voice instead - thus ruining the enjoyment of the post.

Bah.

Pregnant Peeves

There are several things that pissed me off no-end during my pregnancy (aside from all the stupid and embarassing bodily functions that come with it). Here they are :

1. SMOKERS
I hate going out during this pregnancy because of these motherfuckers. Be it at a mamak or at a Starbucks, there's always a shithead sitting nearby with a fucking cancer stick.

Don't get me wrong, I've got smoker friends who are VERY considerate and are very aware of where their smoke goes. When they smoke, I sometimes don't even notice that they're doing it - so discreet and considerate are they. Either that, or they move somewhere else to get their fix, and I really appreciate it.

But most of the assholes in public don't care where their smoke goes. They just puff away, and the smoke always, ALWAYS finds me. It's like they instinctively know where the non-smokers and pregnant women are sitting and position themselves upwind of us. Motherfuckers.

Today, I was having lunch outside, and a Chinese SALESMAN was sitting at the table next to me. He was reading a stupid book filled with stupid Chinese characters, having just finished his food. After I sat down, he took out his cancer stick and kept blowing the smoke RIGHT AT ME! There were a million places he could have blown it, but he aimed it dead centre at me.

After a few not-so-subtle waves of my hand and crinkling of my nose, he still continued. So I finally asked him nicely if he could blow his smoke in another direction, and not at me, because I'm pregnant. Being CHINESE, and a SALESMAN, he obviously didn't understand my request and thought I was asking him to put out the cancer stick.

Instead of being sorry about blowing smoke at me all this while, he actually retorted back, "There are so many empty places here what. Why do you have to sit here??" I couldn't believe my ears. For the sake of my baby, I restrained myself from kicking the table up into his ugly, yellow face.

(In another place, I'd asked an Indonesian worker if he could blow smoke elsewhere, he had the decency to look chagrined, and apologised profusely before complying happily with my request. Malaysians should be ashamed of themselves)

I repeated to the Chinese fucker that he could just blow his smoke away from me, and that would be fine. Piece of shit. He didn't stay long after that. Wish I got a photo of his stupid face. He even had the typical Chinese flat ass. Bloody Chinese SALESMAN.

To all the smokers, if you want to end your life, do it to yourself and don't take me and my baby with you. Assholes.

I hope the government stops in-fighting enough to ban smoking in public places. It's a disgusting habit. And NONE of you look cool doing it. Dumbasses.

"Lookit me. I'm so hawwwt when I smoke ..."

(Pic from http://www.welaf.com/)

2. PEOPLE WHO RUSH INTO THE LIFT BEFORE LETTING YOU OUT FIRST
Self explanatory. Usually, these are Chinese people, too. Hmm. Maybe I should just change my entire list to "CHINESE PEOPLE". Then again, try taking an LRT around town and you'll find this applies to all races and walks of life. Stupid assholes.

I mean, were you born in a barn? If you don't have the brains for common courtesy, common sense at least dictates that you should let the occupants out first, so you'll have enough space to get in, hence avoiding all the squeezing and struggling which will impede your progress into said lift in the first place!

Not to mention that they don't care if you're pregnant. They'll just push their way in, bumping against your poor belly without a second thought. That's when I normally shoulder them roughly out of the way. Good thing I'm bigger than the average scrawny Malaysian male. Assholes.

3. PARENTS WITH DESIGNER PRAMS
Gone are the days when the prams are small, petite little things. They have transformed into a 10-in-1, multifunctional contraption that not only houses drooling infants, but can be used as a car seat, shopping trolley, armoured vehicle or spaceship.

As a result, these parents take up unneccessary amounts of room in shopping complexes and lifts. But what I really hate is that they usually do not watch where they're going because they assume everyone is going to make way for their little prince / princess in their mini Humvees.

I usually don't bother changing direction and walk right into their path. If I get to kick the stupid pram in the process, that's a bonus.

4. OTHER PREGNANT WOMEN
I don't know why. I should be more sympathetic since I am also pregnant, but I find pregnant women very messy looking and clumsy. The stomach is like everywhere, they walk funny, all their joints are ungainly and swollen, they look really sickly and either wear tents or something tight and short because they think it's fashionable to show off their bellies (yuck).

Also, they tend to be grumpier than normal human beings. I had my fair share of unfortunate run ins with grumpy preggos (one of whom was the shampoo girl at my mom's regular salon who tried to rip the hair out of my scalp while washing it), and it's probably conditioned me to hate the very sight of them.

Traffic Bitches

I was driving to my hubbie's office at 7pm today, and was horrified by the jam in EVERY direction. In fact, I could barely even leave my own housing area because kiamsiap assholes who are too cheap to pay the fucking toll were cutting through my neighbourhood, and didn't understand the concept of NOT stopping at a fucking yellow box.

So I decided to cut back into my housing area so I could take another route. And it took me 15 minutes to GET BACK TO MY HOUSE. There were cars EVERYWHERE!

I mean, can you fuckers learn to car pool? And they all drive like motherfuckers. I wish I could conduct a demolition derby on all their asses. Yeah yeah, they're all eager to rush home after work, but I can't even MOVE around in my own home because of these assholes!

Screw all you assholes with cars! Especially VIOS drivers!

I noticed how jammed the flyover to the University Hospital was, and (since I was stuck in a jam just outside my house anyways) I started imagining how I would rush my mom or an emergency patient to the hospital if they had collapsed during rush hour.

The answer : I can't.

Even a fucking ambulance couldn't get through there. There's no emergency lane. Even if there were, fucking office drones (usually in bloody behind the wheel of a fucking Vios) would be driving on it illegally, thinking they're very smart at beating the rest of the jam.

What's the point of building the fucking flyover there?? To move the bottleneck CLOSER to University Hospital? At least with the roundabout, the cops could be deployed to "sort of" help alleviate the congestion. But now, it's jammed all the bloody way, and woe to the poor soul who actually needs to go to the ER.

I wonder if anyone realises how dangerous it is to fall sick in Malaysia.

If you had a heart attack and no one in the house knew CPR, you'd be dead before the ambulance arrived (45 minutes later). Or, you'd die in the car on the way to the hospital, thanks to our considerate Malaysian motherfucking drivers and the asshole civil engineers who designed the traffic flow and roads.

I have enough of these things to worry about, much less read about the latest shit our politicians are up to in retaining their tenuous grasp on their power and contracts in this shitty country.

If they want to win favours with the public, start fixing the traffic flows for the routes to the fucking hospitals for a start.

Then have a look at the fucking potholes that are littering the whole of Petaling Jaya - I wish we could sue them for destruction of private property. That might get them off their asses.

So grumpy

I don't know if it's the weather or if it's my pregnancy hormones.

I'm just so damned grumpy these last few days. I hate everyone: every race, creed, colour, religion ... including my own. Everything is pissing me off.

Moving out of the apartment is really tiring, especially in the 3rd trimester. Feel exhausted from just a small, bit of exertion. And as though I'm not grumpy enough, I'm discovering how shitty it is to live in a condo.

Management won't let me move out at my convenience. It has to be at THEIR convenience. Weekdays, or Sat up to 1pm. I mean, WTF?? Just so happens I can only move out on Sat afternoon. Instead of providing a solution to this problem, they just keep repeating how their bosses won't budge and they must "follow procedure". The 2 exact words that make me want to vomit boiling acid on the face of the motherfucker who said them to me.

Rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! DIEeee MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRS!

Am so glad I'm moving out of this stupid apartment, with it's stupid rules and it's stupid Building Management who insist on perpetuating flame wars with its residents instead of doing their jobs in making this a safe and pleasant place to LIVE.

Poor, Poor Ovaries

This post has been a long time in the making.

Back in October 2007, I went for an Executive Screening programme at a hospital which shall remain unnamed (you never know who's reading this), just to see how bad a shape my body was in given all the stress it was exposed to at work.

I didn't actually expect them to find anything serious, because I wasn't suffering from any symptoms other than tension headaches and mental burnout. But shit, a chance ultrasound discovered a cyst in my ovaries. Quite a big one, about 4cm in diameter

Some X-Rays and MRIs later, I was scheduled for a laproscopy to remove it. They made 3 little punctures in my tummy and demonstrated just how skilled you have to be to be a surgeon. Not to mention how strong a constitution you must have.

They took a video of the whole thing. But ... but ... I managed to get the video of some other patient to illustrate what happens during the operation. Yes. This is not mine. No. Nope.

So, here's some screen captures of the action. The video starts with them just having made a hole in the belly button and shoving a metal pipe through it so the camera can go through :


Then, another hole is being made by skewering something sharp throgh the right side of the belly. Observe how hard it is to poke through the skin. Argh :


Another metal pipe is shoved through the new hole, to let more implements slide through :

This cool clamp thingy come through the pipe and grabs at the gigantic ovary. You can see the normal-sized one on the right :

OMFG! The cystic ovary is bigger than the damned uterus (the pink, round thing dangling to the right like a testicle down there)!!

A healthy ovary looks like an ugly shrivelled white raisin - ala the small puckered thing on the right. Observe the frightening difference :

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :

The surgeon uses this cool tool that can clamp things as well as BURN them. He burns a hole in the ovary containing the cyst and yellow puss stuff spews out :


He uses the other clamp to rip open the ovary skin, and more toxic yellow puss oozes out :

More ripping occurs :

The ovary is peeled open like a Mandarin orange. The red lump inside is the cyst, covered in a fleshy bleeding skin :
As the cyst is being pulled out, yellow puss SPURTS out like a fountain :

50% done now, just gotta fully pull apart that "orange" :

The cyst is now out and left to reside in the body cavity, which is now a pool of poisonous yellow puss:

The poor ovary is still bleeding, so the implement is used to cauterise the weeping wounds :


They stuff in a bag to contain the cyst and it's juices when they pop it. Because in case the cyst was cancerous, they can't afford to have any cancerous cells spilling all over the intestines :
Up, up and away. The cyst is deflated and a sample is taken out for a fast biopsy :

They pump in water to clean all the organs of the yellow gunk and blood that came out during the whole process. Meanwhile the biopsy is being done. If the biopsy shows the cyst is cancerous, the whole ovary has to come off !!!
The biopsy shows that the cyst is benign, so the surgeon proceeds to patch up the poor ravaged ovary with a needle and thread :

The thread is purple! My favourite colour! Coooooool :

In such a small space, accidents do happen. The needle stabs the uterus by accident :

After 3 knots, the ovary is left to its own devices to heal : The left ovary is now normal and raisin-like again!

The cyst is cut open, and to my disappointment, there are no teeth inside (which is normally what you find in a Dermoid cyst). Just a clump of hair that you'd find in your shower after not cleaning the drain out for a few months :

Yucky yucky.

Go get yourself checked-up with an ultrasound today! Don't wait for symptoms to show, because usually when Dermoid Cysts are discovered, it's when they get so big it twists the ovary (you're in a lot of pain) and you lose the ovary anyway.

First Valentine's Day

Our first Valentine's Day as a married couple. We decided to avoid the crass commercialism this year given everyone's panic over the economy, and stay home :

Roast chicken thigh, baby carrots, peas and baked buttered potatoes with cheese + New England Clam Chowder soup + Ribena & Diet Coke!

Eaten at our apartment balcony overlooking a great neighbourhood view

No need to wear fancy clothes in the comfort of your own home.

Who said you need to spend a lot of money to have a romantic time?

Pool Adventures

Chris was taking shots of the solar eclipse that happened a few weeks ago, and accompanied me for a swim, since the pool afforded a relatively unobstructed view of the sun.

While waiting for the clouds to bugger off, he focused his attention on a more interesting subject. His whale-wife doing laps in the pool.

The tranquility of the blue water was occasionally interrupted by two fingers

Doing the breaststroke & surprising Chris with poses each time I came up for air

Sometimes, shark infested oceans are safer than apartment pools

Pissed off with some inconsiderate Korean kids who threw their slipper into the pool as I was swimming. Waiting for them to fall into the water so I can drown them

"ANYUNGHASEYOO you motherfucking brats!!!!"

Things I Didn't Know About Dengue

With the infinite resources from the Interweb, one would be misled into thinking, "Who needs to see a doctor when I can diagnose myself online??"

Big mistake.

My mom has suspected dengue, and despite all the literature published (and I suspect, REHASHED without further research on the damn journalists' part) in the newspapers and the multitude of consumer medical sites online, I still didn't know enough about this affliction to be useful to my mom.

All information is vague and states the same main symptoms : Constant high fever, diahorrea, joint and muscle pain, vomiting, rashes. If you have all of these, or as helpfully stated by the recent Malaysian papers "any other weird symptoms" - get your blood checked by a doctor and get admitted to hospital. WTF?!

If I feel nausea due to the stupidity radiating from the idiot who made that statement, can I count that as a "WEIRD" symptom?!? Qualify and quantify, motherfucker!!

Jeez, if the Health Ministry is so worried about the doubling of dengue cases vs 2008, why can't they release MORE information about it so people can be educated and know exactly what to do, in case they don't have ALL of the symptoms above?

A kind doctor was patient enough to explain to me the details of the affliction, and there's a lot I wasn't aware of. I'm shocked because it's so important to know these things to save lives!

Apparently all the doctors know these things, but the public doesn't know that they don't know (because they thought all the half-assed information provided was all there was to know about Dengue).

Did you know that majority of the Dengue fatalities are due to SHOCK?

The type of Dengue that causes Hemorrhagic Fever is less common, although that's the only one people are aware of and look for symptoms of. WTF.

Just because you don't have rashes and red spots doesn't mean you're safe and can sit around the house going about your day as usual.

OTHER SYMPTOMS :

- Loss of appetite. While this is a much publicised symptom, a lot of people misunderstand it. In my experience, it's not because you don't WANT to eat, but because everything tastes like shit! The most delicious porridge is bitter, and you just can't swallow. This is because Dengue causes some form of Hepatitis (I don't know which one), which in turn affects your appetite and taste buds. Ya. Betcha didn't know that. They should change this to Loss Of Tastebuds.

- Swelling of the extremeties. Seems that the fluids from the blood tend to drain to the tissue (thus, causing the swelling), and if you don't address by hydrating the patient or attaching them to an IV drip - the patient goes into shock, which can also kill them if treatment is not received on time. My mom has noticed that all her friends who had Dengue complained of numbness or pain in the soles of the feet.

- Gastritis. You don't necessarily have to had suffered from gastric pains before, you'll feel it when you have Dengue. I never knew the virus caused this! I just thought my mom was hungry from not eating for so many days.

- Drop in blood pressure. Didn't get a chance to find out the why of this, but it's a sure sign you need to be admitted.


OTHER MISC FUN FACTS :

- Dengue takes about 4 days to incubate or whatever. So if you have a blood test earlier than that, your platelet count may not have had enough time to drop below 150 and the Dengue antibodies would not yet be present in your body.

- Recovering from the high fever doesn't mean you're safe. Seems the virus is still there, waiting to kill you off. Many people make the mistake of assuming they're ok because the fever had abated after 3 - 4 days. Dengue needs about 10 days to run it's course through their system. They do not bother to check their blood, nor check themselves into a hospital. And that's when the trouble starts.

Pukey Bear Strikes Again

Lord.

I just wrote a long entry about the things to avoid eating while I'm pregnant, and the minute I decide to break any of my rules, my stomach reminds me why I wrote those them.

One cup of bloody teh tarik (made with MILK of course) and my dinner came out in a big brown mess.

It started with burping out acidic bubbles, and a few minutes later, PUUUUUKE!!!

At least I can eat more now. Even though it's the same stuff day in and day out.

The day of fattening has come ...

Selfish Much ?!

I can be a selfish, self-centered bitch at times, I know. But for the most part, I know it's a reprehensible trait and always try to put others' convenience before mine, because another one of my traits is CONSIDERATION for others.

So I would inconvenience myself first, before I would allow another person to be inconvenienced by me : "Oh, your regular TV show is on now? It's ok, it's ok! I'll reschedule my appendectomy to tomorrow la. No worries :)"

That's why I can't understand nor abide by motherfuckers who only think about themselves, despite you already telling them how much inconvenience their request will put you through.

Case in point, my mom has been bed-ridden with high fever the last 2-3 days. It was so bad that she couldn't even get up from bed, and I had to start icing her down every half hour or so because she was so hot. Her face was flushed beet-red and her eyes were bloodshot. She couldn't even eat or drink.

In this time, she had an appointment with a someone - let's call it Z. Unfortunately for Z, it was a critical appointment that was hard to re-schedule. But, my mom was sick, so how the fuck was she expected to make it?

She called Z to cancel, and all Z could say was how difficult it was to schedule the appointment (cuz it was like a final exam for Z), and if my mom could at least try to make it.

Now, in all past appointments with Z, each one usually lasts 3 hours and my mom is put through some physical pain, which bothers her for a few days after the appointment is over.

This time, my mom can't even sit up in bed, and she still wanted my mom to try and make it and be tortured for 3 AGONIZING HOURS, when she's already in so much pain?!?! I mean, I understand how dire the situation is for Z, but my mom is sick!!

Then, Z calls to ask if my mom could make it if the appointment was postponed to the afternoon instead. Oh, so it's so hard to reschedule, is it? TERRIBLY HARD.

My mom was getting worse, and I suspected she had Dengue, so I called Z myself to cancel. I was feeling bad for Z, cuz we were inconveniencing her. But that changed to fury when Z said, "Oh yeah, it's ok. I know these things happen and can't be helped, so maybe we could reschedule again to this Thursday instead?"

I mean, I just told you my mom might have Dengue. And your response is, "I know these things happen and can't be helped" ?!?!?!?! Were you even fucking listening? I mean, normal human beings would be horrified by the severity of the sickness and say, "It's ok, let me know what the doctors say and we'll reschedule when she's better."

But NO. She just kept REPEATING how HARD it was for HER to reschedule!!

No concern over my poor mother who might have Dengue. And she has the gall to schedule an appointment in 2 days, when she should know that Dengue might take up to a week to recover from.

FUCK. I am so bloody pissed at the selfishness. I understand it's a make or break exam for her career, but if my mom has Dengue, don't tell me your professors can't make an exception and delay the exam ?!?!?!?

The best part is, after laying on the guilt trip about rescheduling, she calls the next day to say she can NOW reschedule for next week. FAN-FUCKING-AMAZING. Of course, this is laid over with the usual reminders on the difficulty of rescheduling, and pressuring my poor sick mom to commit to making it on that date.

OH MY FUCKING G--! I'm going to rip her fucking lungs out!!! See how well she'll do in the exam without alveoli.

Is my mom even a human being to you, or is she just an unfortunate lab rat??! GOD. It's very apparent that the only thing on her mind is, "ME. ME. ME. And ME."

I'm tempted to sit in for the whole appointment with my mom and bitch slap her with a smelly cod, screaming at her all the while to hurry up with the procedure and to stop hurting my mom.

What a shitty bedside manner Z has. She'd better fix that if she wants to have repeat patients in the working world.

Can't stand inconsiderate, selfish motherfuckers who only think about themselves.

Regression

Apparently I've regressed 26 years in this pregnancy.

Just the other day, I was over at my mom's place trying to decide what I could eat that morning, since my vomiting and nausea and fussy eating were getting worse again.

My mom was hovering nearby and the following conversation ensued :

MOM : What you want to eat?

ME : (pointing at a bag of frozen crinkle cut fries in freezer) Chips!

MOM : Ok. (pause) Remember to drink your Ribena also, ah.

ME : .....

Yeah, despite being 31, married and carrying a baby of my own in my belly, I've somehow become 5 years old again. Ahahaha.

How To Avoid Vomiting During Pregnancy

This article is copyright of The Phoenix

My theory is that the strange all-day long vomiting I've been experiencing is caused by bad chemistry between the food and my juices when they mix in my stomach.

Either the chemistry is so bad it upsets the stomach and forces my body to expunge the offending mixture, OR, the chemistry creates so much gas that it pushes the food out before peristalsis has a chance to push it safely down.

A sample of my pain. This is actually the most pleasant looking puke pile I've photographed since this ordeal started

This type of vomiting is not to be confused with regular morning sickness or regular nausea which can be alleviated by keeping your blood sugar levels up. This is NOT the same thing, so it does NOT go away after the 1st trimester.

I am 6 months pregnant now, and it's still here. The vomiting, the nausea, the migraines. Only now, I've learned what the triggers are and how to avoid them.

It's definitely caused by the ever mysterious rise in hormones which plague pregnant women. We then have to listen to helpful statements from everyone like, "No one knows what causes it. Just hang on till 2nd trimester."

Well, what if the vomiting and nausea doesn't stop after entering the 2nd trimester? What then? Same answer. Wait and see. In fact, you become one of the statistics. One of the "1 in 1,000 women" who vomit till they deliver.

Fuck that. Being a statistic doesn't soothe me, or make the experience any better! I have to fucking live with this every hour of every fucking day. There is no reprieve for sufferers. And while it's easy for everyone to say I should wait it out, or it'll be over before I know it, lemme tell you something : You try going through this and see if you can continue to be so fucking dismissive!!

The repeated reflux of acid was affecting my throat and my voice. I was starting to lose weight. I was literally scared to look at food. I'm supposed to enjoy the guilt-free eating that comes with pregnancy, not cringe in a corner at every mealtime. I couldn't even skip meals because an empty stomach would make me vomit, too - but this is more painful because it involves regurgitating sizzling gastric juices.

None of the books I've read helps. There's nothing on the web. And unless you're so sick you need to be put on drip, doctors can't help either. Solutions from modern medicine always involve some form of drugs (which I admit, I would rather continue vomiting than take) or medical equipment, as these solutions are ingrained in them by the bloody greedy drug companies. Forget about natural, nutritional solutions.

So far, I've managed to avoid being admitted to hospital by making sure I experimented, documented and theorised what caused the vomiting. I've not touched any anti-nausea medication or anything synthetic from modern medicine - as long as I'm not vomiting blood, I don't want anything from the drug companies to come near me.

The only reason I'm putting on weight again is because after 4 months of terrified eating-then-vomiting, I've figured out how to minimise my exposure to the Vomit Triggers.

I've actually got it down to a science now. But it's exhausting to keep this up everyday, especially when people around you complain that you're being too anal about it, or that it's all in your head ... until I vomit in front of them. They leave me alone after that.

Now, please note that the following is by no means an exhaustive list, but it's all the stuff I've experimented with and learned the hard way during my pregnancy. I may add to it as I find out more. Feel free to send me suggestions based on your own experiences.

These may or may not work for you, but I figured I'd document this anyway so I'll remember what to do if / when I get pregnant again.

GENERAL TIPS
- Eat a cracker the moment you wake up. Nothing else can keep the empty stomach puking at bay.
- Do not drink any water / liquids while you are eating. Leave the gastric juices undiluted so they can do their work more efficiently. I have vomited out food that I had eaten 6 hours ago, still sitting in my stomach because my diluted juices made digestion even slower.
- Drink very hot or very cold water only 1 - 2 hours after food.
- Allow up to 4 hours to digest the food, depending on what you ate. The digestive tract works much slower during pregnancy.
- Keep yourself upright for as long as possible after eating. Do not lie flat on your back. Side is sometimes ok. During this time, do not bend, double over, lean forward, squat or twist at the waist to do things. Avoid doing anything that twists the digestive tract and might squeeze the food back out.
- Be aware of your stomach for 30min - 1 hour after eating, as the stomach often doesn't get upset immediately and the vomiting usually starts later. You want to be near a toilet when it does.
- Pop a stick of Spearmint or Peppermint chewing gum after food. Literature says it's the mint that helps, but from experience I'd say it's the chewing and production of alkalitic saliva that helps calm and keep down my gastric acids. I go thru a 5-stick pack of gum a day. I've tried taking actual mint sweets (e.g. Eclipse), but they cause more gas to be released, and my food comes up again with the constant burping. It's horrible because you never know which one is going to be a burp, and which one is going to be regurgitated food. (EDIT 19 SEPT 2012: Only chew full flavour gum. NO SUGARFREE. I discovered during my 2nd pregnancy that ASPARTAME makes the nausea and gas and vomiting worse)
- Do not eat fruits right before or after meals. If you must eat, eat one or two pieces after a meal. It creates a lot of gas and uncomfortable acid reflux, and sometimes leads to vomiting. (EDIT 27 OCT 2016 : I'm on my 3rd pregnancy now. I never learned my lesson. This baby is totally different, and a lot of the food I could eat with my earlier 2 pregnancies now make me sick, but meat and steamed or boiled veggies go down pretty well still. No raw veggies! Still no fruits. Fruits are puke and gas city)

FOOD YOU CAN'T EAT
- Pork (roast pork, suckling pig, sweet meat) (EDIT 27 OCT 2016 : 3rd baby survived on roast pork, it was one of the only foods I could eat! But I'm in a different country now, so I suspect it was the seasoning on the pork that made me vomit for the 1st 2 pregnancies .... the pork I'm eating now is only seasoned with salt and brown sauce, none of the Chinese 5 spice seasoning and MSG)
- Chicken. Sometimes ok, but you'll experience a very acidic feeling in your stomach. You will burp sour acid and you will feel sick the whole time it's digesting.
- Beef. Same reason as chicken. (EDIT 27 OCT 2016 : Same as above. Seasoning with salt is fine, goes down well)
- Venison. Similar effects as beef and chicken, but slightly milder.
- Lamb. Apparently Chinese believe this is toxic and no good for the baby. Also, my new superhuman pregnancy nose can't stand the stinky smell.
- Vegetables- Dairy products (Milk or anything containing milk)
- Ice cream
- Milk chocolates
- Cheese (cheddar)
- Coconut or anything containing coconut and all its by-products (e.g. santan). This one feels the worst when being vomited out.
- Nasi Lemak- Sour plums / sum boi. For some strange reason this makes me puke. I suspect it's the body's reaction to too much salt.
- Garlic or anything that contains garlic (Thai Chilli sauce, Nando's Peri Peri sauce, chicken rice from various shops etc...). It leaves a horrible taste in your mouth for a day or so after you bite into a small, diced piece, making the nausea worse.
- Onions. Similar effect as garlic, but not as extreme if eaten raw or pan fried.
- Fried Onions. The type used to garnish or add flavour to porridge and chinese dishes. Very similar effect to garlic.
- Any form of nuts (peanuts, almonds, etc...) - (EDIT 27 OCT 2016 : I survived on peanuts and macadamias on this 3rd pregnancy)
- Fried Sesame seeds
- Bread (white, wholemeal). Causes acidic roiling in stomach.
- Homemade Chicken essence soup
- Chinese food. Usually because of all the MSG and garlic used in preparation. Yuck.
- Oranges
- Apples- Guavas
- Pears. This is intermittent.
- (EDIT 19 SEPT 2012) Anything sugarfree that contains ASPARTAME.

DRINKS YOU CAN'T DRINK
 - Carbonated drinks (Coke, Sprite, Root Beer, Ginger Beer etc ...)
- Coffee
- Milo
- Milk
- Orange juice
- Carrot juice with milk
- Lemon / Lime juice. This causes a lot of gas. (EDIT 19 SEPT 2012) But drinking a small amount, pure & super concentrated, after a meal, tends to help digestion. No sugar.
- Lukewarm water. This seems to join with the bile and unite in volume to expedite the climb out of my throat.


FOOD YOU CAN EAT
- Jacob's high-calcium crackers. Other types of crackers either make me puke or doesn't keep the gastric vomiting at bay.
- Eggs (in any form, but sparingly)
- Potatoes (baked, fried)
- Potato salad (with macaroni & eggs & mayonnaise)
- Chips (especially with tomato sauce)
- Tuna (in water & mayonnaise)
- Fish (steamed, fried)
- Chillis & Tabasco sauce. This includes spicy food made with chilli padi or dried chilli (very spicy & dry char kuey teow, Kin Kin chilli pan mee, Domino's Beef Pepperoni pizza drowned in Tabasco sauce). I was told by a doctor friend that chillis are actually good for upset stomachs as it has been found that chilli blocks acid production and increases blood flow to the stomach tissue which can aid both prevention and healing of ulcers. Epidemiological studies show (don't quote me on this) the incidence of stomach ulceration is three times lower in countries with a high intake of chilli compared with those that don't. Just make sure there is no santan or any form of milk mixed in there, or you'll vomit anyway.
- Selected fruits in small quantities (One persimmon per seating, very sour mangoes, one small banana --- not all at the same time!)
- Selected vegetables (long beans, cauliflower, broccoli)
- Clear soup (Carrot soup, clear Tom Yam soup)
- Campbells' canned mushroom soup (with water, not milk)
- Campbells' canned New England Clam Chowder soup (with water, but sometimes milk is ok too. Go figure)
- Sweet pastries (sponge cake, suji cake, chocolate cake, cupcakes, chocolate chip cookies)

DRINKS YOU CAN DRINK
- Ice cold or boiling hot water. But only in one or two mouthfuls, in between meals. Any more, and you'll puke it out.
- Cold Ribena (not the sparkling type
- (EDIT 27 OCT 2016 : Mineral water. Only certain brands, like Mount Franklin. Spritzer made me puke, makes me wonder if it even IS mineral water. I could not handle anything from the tap, everything made me sick even when filtered or boiled - which now makes me believe that the water I've been drinking all this while is actually not good for my body, since the fetus rejected it)


I'll add more to this list as I remember it.


DISCLAIMER : Given the high amount of search hits for this post (and the number of people who apparently don't know how to READ), I repeat : This is what worked for ME, to stop my vomiting and help me put on weight during pregnancy. This is not an optimal pregnancy diet, and it may not work for you. You should check everything with your own doctor (d-uh).

EDIT 1 July 2015 : My son, Condor 1, whom I was pregnant with in this article, has been diagnosed with mild autism. Now, I do not know whether the autism has external causes (it's a sensitive topic that I won't go into here, but I am sure that it was external causes), or whether the lack of nutrition he got during pregnancy had a hand in it. It's unlikely to be the lack of nutrition, as my own doctor said that the fetus takes all it needs from the mother, and my vomiting hurt ME more than the baby (cuz all my nutrition stores had gone to the baby, and I had none for myself).

BUT .... I think about it all the time, and I want whomever that reads this to have this information so they can make their own choices. 

To balance out this info, my second son, whom I also used this diet for, got a hell lot more nutrition cuz this time I wasn't puking everything out in the first trimester, and I actually gained 7kg, instead of the 2kg I gained with my first son. And my 2nd son does NOT have autism, and is in fact highly intelligent and naughty as hell.

EDIT 27 Oct 2016 : I just had my 3rd child. What the fuck, right? Why am I allowing myself to suffer like this again for the THIRD time?!?! Anyway, a lot of the food I could eat, is now food I can't eat, so I had to test and start all over. I made ammendments above where they were different. This pregnancy made me realise a lot of the vomiting isn't just the food, but also what's been added to it! So keep your food as natural and wholesome as possible (i.e. don't add too many sauces, seasonings etc) and make sure it's all cooked, cuz raw stuff like veggies are harder to digest and upset your tummy more at this stage.

It's still early days, but Condor 3 appears to be neurotypical and doesn't have the markers that Condor 1 had at his age, so here's hoping he's fine.

Doddering and old

Gosh, I've noticed in the last 2 years that I've taken to lecturing people a lot.

Or trying to impart my extensive knowledge to them (like they care).

Or getting frustrated when I see things not being done the way they should, or being done like it was in the good old days.

Then it hit me. I've turned into an old woman!

They say you're only as young as you feel. Well, looks you can apply it in reverse as well. I'm young, but I feel like I'm 70 years old and see my maker coming for me, so I should teach all these young 'uns the ropes before all my years of experience are lost to the world forever.

And in typical fashion, the young 'uns are not listening. Cuz ... "Whaddya YOU know, grandma?" ... life has come full circle for me already, and I haven't even hit menopause yet!

God, I am old ....

Saber Rider : A Fraud ... !

Look familliar?

My brother and I followed this cartoon religiously in the 80's. Myself more so because the title character was hot, had a posh voice and an accent!

Don't forget that cool opening sequence with the macho music! All the SFX of whips cracking to punctuate the end of each verse, the electric guitar, and (what sounds like) Elton John growling his lines. Yeah!

The opening sequence alone is enough to make you wet your pants. OooOOooH!

I tried getting old episodes of Saber Rider & The Star Sherriffs to relive my childhood crush. They weren't easy to find, and my extended digging uncovered a dirty little secret on what I thought was an American series.

It's actually a JAPANESE cartoon!!

The original name is Seijūshi Bisumaruku (Star Musketeer Bismarck).

And ... FIREBALL is the real leader of the team, the Japanese dude in the red costume! Saber Rider (black dude) was just a British sidekick, along with Colt (blue dude) the American cowboy sidekick.

The ORIGINAL Japanese opening sequence

When the rights were purchased by the American network WEP, they tried to turn the blond, blue-eyed Aryan boy Saber Rider into the hero because the rednecks of America couldn't relate to a Japanese hero!

WTF. All my childhood memories ... destroyed in an instant!

But, it did clear up a lot of confusion I had as a child.

Like, if Saber Rider is the hero, why is he never in the traditional "hero" spots? How come it's always Fireball?? For example ...

• Fireball sits in the middle of Ramrod's (a giant ass Voltron-like robot) control centre, not Saber Rider :

There he is, the guy in red

There's the red dude, in the middle again!

• Fireball operates Ramrod's main controls. HE presses the button which converts Ramrod to "Challenge Mode", not Saber Rider :

That's Fireball's finger, right there ...

• Fireball is in all the "hero" spots, and gets all the psychedelic "hero" background animation during the opening sequence, not Saber Rider :

Fireball in hero pose

Fireball in the hero spot again, right in the middle!

Observe, an Extreme Close Up normally only reserved for the hero!

A cool James Bond-type opening scene ...

... and the traditional Japanese hero's candy-coloured hypno background.

Saber Rider only has lame scenes spliced from the cartoon itself. They didn't bother to draw any special opening scenes for him.

• Fireball got the girl, not Saber Rider! He and April apparently end up together at the close of the series, despite her unrequited crush on Saber Rider. She probably didn't realise Saber Rider was gay :

I think he preferred to use his "sabre" on the Outriders ... hur ... hur

All this had created so much confusion in my fevered 12-year old mind that I'd come to the conclusion Saber Rider and Fireball SHARED the hero position in this cartoon. Yes. They were both the heroes, and only Colt was the sidekick. Er ... Yes ... Yes ...

Poor little me, living with this misconception all these years - but now WEP's sneaky attempt at rebranding the hero of the cartoon has finally been revealed, and the wool has fallen from my (and hopefully, YOUR) eyes!

I'm glad to say that if a child could spot the inconsistencies, WEP had hopefully failed in their efforts to make the hero a white dude. All those "creative" edits (including a re-drawing of 6 episodes) and I STILL thought Fireball was the hero.

And now I know that poncy ol' Saber Rider was a phony!

So much for white supremacy. And my childhood crush.