It's been a long time.
Since my last post, we've migrated to a new country, got pregnant again, went through the vomiting shit again (this time, alone in a foreign country), gave birth again and breastfeeding again. This time, we're going to avoid the stuff that made J1 reactionary and very likely caused his ASD. That decision was a hard one, and it comes with a whole host of other worries.
But yeah, I'm back and it's high time I started writing again to get rid of the gray clouds hanging over my head, thanks to all the life changes above.
Showing posts with label Spawn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spawn. Show all posts
Saturday, 18 June 2016
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Potty Training Condor 1
METHOD :
Started potty training him around 2+ years old because wanted to send him to Diyana, which only accepted kids at 2.5 years old who are fully potty trained.
Tried sitting him on plastic potty, but he didn't like it because the pee cover rubbed or pressed against his penis. Settled on potty like a miniature toilet, which was Justin's old one.
Tried letting him walk around pantless, but worried about the poo, so tied a makeshift nappy around his hips which kept falling and he kept trying to remove. Kept peeing on he floor and couldn't control. Would sit him on the toilet every hour or so, and sweat buckets while waiting for him to pee, only to give up and bring him down and pee on the floor 5 seconds later. Gave up after a few days, too much stress.
Tried again in another 1 or 2 months. Same nappy, same discomfort. Constantly wet himself, and peed on the floor right after being lifted from potty. Bought a whole bunch of underwear and let him wear it, but still no success. Lots of potty dancing, screaming and scolding (because other people told me that's what they did and it worked for their kids, who became dry in something like a week), but no effect. I went a little nuts in pressuring him. Couldn't understand why it was so difficult when everyone else had success in as little as a few days!!! Didn't help that Oo ku and others were around while attempting this, and they would verbally berate him for failing and Oo ku even carried him to the potty and tried to force him to pee. I could tell the pressure sort of embarassed and traumatised him to the point he was scared to look at the toilet or potty. Gave up after a week, with no progress.
Tried again in another 2 months or so. Prepped him for a couple of weeks before by reading the "I Want My Potty" book. Also gave him Lightning McQueen stickers to stick on his potty to personalise it. Let him just his potty (lid down) as a chair to watch shows every once in awhile. Left it in plain sight in his play area, so he could sit anytime he wanted.
Then went pantless. Would still piddle on the floor, but I had to keep calm and remind him, "The potty is the place" ... and take him there to sit down even though he may have been finished. Still not much success with the pee. Discovered he preferred to stand and pee into the bowl, and that was successful with me urging him there every couple of hours (or after lots of liquids) and making "shhhh" sounds. Would pee once in awhile, but still not consistent, still peeing on the floor. Especially when there were lots of people in the house (Chian Ee and gang).
WHEN :
2+ years onwards
RESULTS :
Breakthrough moment was one morning when he came down from bed. He urgently wanted to poo, and we removed his diapers but were too busy talking to notice him jumping around. He ran to the nearby potty, and we lifted the cover for him and he plopped his butt down on it and let loose! He was very pleased with all our cheering.
Can't remember much after that, but there were hits and misses, but mostly he was able to run to the potty on his own when he needed to pee. Then we put underwear on him, which he would wet once in awhile. Then practiced him in undies when we went out for short trips to the playground, without incident.
Slowly, his control got better and better, despite the trauma in Diyana. As long as we brought him to toilet every few hours, he could hold it in. By about 3 years or so, he was almost 100% potty trained!
Started potty training him around 2+ years old because wanted to send him to Diyana, which only accepted kids at 2.5 years old who are fully potty trained.
Tried sitting him on plastic potty, but he didn't like it because the pee cover rubbed or pressed against his penis. Settled on potty like a miniature toilet, which was Justin's old one.
Tried letting him walk around pantless, but worried about the poo, so tied a makeshift nappy around his hips which kept falling and he kept trying to remove. Kept peeing on he floor and couldn't control. Would sit him on the toilet every hour or so, and sweat buckets while waiting for him to pee, only to give up and bring him down and pee on the floor 5 seconds later. Gave up after a few days, too much stress.
Tried again in another 1 or 2 months. Same nappy, same discomfort. Constantly wet himself, and peed on the floor right after being lifted from potty. Bought a whole bunch of underwear and let him wear it, but still no success. Lots of potty dancing, screaming and scolding (because other people told me that's what they did and it worked for their kids, who became dry in something like a week), but no effect. I went a little nuts in pressuring him. Couldn't understand why it was so difficult when everyone else had success in as little as a few days!!! Didn't help that Oo ku and others were around while attempting this, and they would verbally berate him for failing and Oo ku even carried him to the potty and tried to force him to pee. I could tell the pressure sort of embarassed and traumatised him to the point he was scared to look at the toilet or potty. Gave up after a week, with no progress.
Tried again in another 2 months or so. Prepped him for a couple of weeks before by reading the "I Want My Potty" book. Also gave him Lightning McQueen stickers to stick on his potty to personalise it. Let him just his potty (lid down) as a chair to watch shows every once in awhile. Left it in plain sight in his play area, so he could sit anytime he wanted.
Then went pantless. Would still piddle on the floor, but I had to keep calm and remind him, "The potty is the place" ... and take him there to sit down even though he may have been finished. Still not much success with the pee. Discovered he preferred to stand and pee into the bowl, and that was successful with me urging him there every couple of hours (or after lots of liquids) and making "shhhh" sounds. Would pee once in awhile, but still not consistent, still peeing on the floor. Especially when there were lots of people in the house (Chian Ee and gang).
WHEN :
2+ years onwards
RESULTS :
Breakthrough moment was one morning when he came down from bed. He urgently wanted to poo, and we removed his diapers but were too busy talking to notice him jumping around. He ran to the nearby potty, and we lifted the cover for him and he plopped his butt down on it and let loose! He was very pleased with all our cheering.
Can't remember much after that, but there were hits and misses, but mostly he was able to run to the potty on his own when he needed to pee. Then we put underwear on him, which he would wet once in awhile. Then practiced him in undies when we went out for short trips to the playground, without incident.
Slowly, his control got better and better, despite the trauma in Diyana. As long as we brought him to toilet every few hours, he could hold it in. By about 3 years or so, he was almost 100% potty trained!
Monday, 28 January 2013
Melbourne Recce : Impressions
It's been almost 15 years since I've lived in Australia, and I was worried I remembered everything with rose-tinted glasses on. Plus, I was single, and had no kids or family to worry about - just myself. I loved every minute of being in Adelaide. But would it be the same today?
Since we had to activate our visa with this initial trip to Melbourne, I decided to jot down my latest impressions as a mom, wife and adult who's already eaten a bit of salt in her working life.
- Meat (beef, lamb, pork, chicken) are cheaper, even after conversion! Hooray!
- If you're earning in Oz dollars, everything is more affordable than in Malaysia. Your buying power is higher here because prices are almost dollar for dollar e.g. Fuel is RM1.90 in Malaysia, and AUD1.30 in Oz. So are salaries e.g. RM4k in Msia and for the same job, you'll probably earn AUD4k too.
- Pampers are ridiculous. AUD33 vs RM46 !!! No Mamy Poko, only Huggies so far. Thank God Josh is ok with using this brand. We have to ship a ton from home, and start potty training Joshua ASAP.
- King beds are non-existent. Mainly Queen beds due to small bedroom sizes, and they are about a foot longer than the Queen beds in Msia. All our bedsheets won't fit. Shit. No point buying quilts from home because they won't fit and won't be thick enough.
- Using dryers are bloody expensive. They take 2 hours of electricity-draining hot air to dry a small load. Dang. May still have to line dry the laundry.
- You can get sunburned (red face, not peeling yet) after walking in the morning sun for 1 hour. Sunblock is always a must.
- The water isn't as hard as it was in Adelaide. My hands didn't dry that much when I did washing, didn't really start cracking or hurting, and should be fine with regular moisturiser. Water can be drunk from the tap, but tastes a bit weird due to fluoride. Found out fluoride is really toxic and can reduce IQ over time. Can only get rid of it via reverse osmosis, and even then it's not all. Can't escape it since all water there is fluoridated, and bottled water is bloody bloody expensive there it seems.
- No more watching movies for us. Tickets are now AUD20 instead of AUD8 that I used to pay in Adelaide. OMG.
- Gotta get the kids used to other yogurts, because Petit Miam is more expensive than Malaysia after conversion. Dutch Lady UHT milk doesn't exist, so I gotta introduce fresh milk to them now. Kids are also ok with meat pies, which is VERY good news.
- My little chinamen need their rice. They can't put in much of the gwailo food. Get full really fast on the proteins. Condor 2 actually liked eating the steamed cauliflower and carrots there, without needed to mash it into the rice. The veggies are really sweet and yummy.
- Avocadoes and salmon are NOT cheap. But, gotta wait for the sales. Hoard, hoard, HOARD!
- I should ship my own stationery, since I already have so much here at home. Expensiveeee.
- Very expensive to eat out, if you convert. But it's almost dollar for dollar as when we eat out in Malaysia. e.g. dinner in an expensive celebrity chef restaurant for 4 adults + 2 kids came up to AUD120. Not so bad if you're earning money there. But the simple meals are really costly, as nothing under AUD10. Fish & Chips are AUD10, and good sandwiches can be about AUD15. McD can also come up to AUD25 for 3 adults + 2 kids. Good news is there are plenty of microwave dinners (Weight Watchers) and frozen pies, so even if we eat at home all the time, I don't need to panic if I can't cook dinner everyday. Pies are like AUD5 for a pack of 4, so yay!
- Tax is ridiculous. Very easy to hit the 45% tax bracket. At least we actually benefit from our tax money there.
- The boyz sleep very well in this weather, even though it was summer. Either that, or they're really tired. They could sleep more than 2 hours uninterrupted! WOOHOO! But C2 is still very hot stuff, and sweats in his sleep (back of head and neck, and his pillow, are drenched) even on the cold days, and at night, even though he's just wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt and diapers!
- There are a disappointingly high number of Asians in the Boxhill / Mont Albert area, mainly people from China, since they are all conversing in sharp and and hissy Mandarin. They also brought their unpleasant social behaviour with them e.g. not waiting for people to alight a train before they barged on board, only mixing among themselves and not with the locals, sprawling themselves all over the seat on the train so that others won't take the vacant seats opposite them etc.... Me no likee. Didn't run across many Malaysians or Singaporeans.
- Australians (caucasians) kept staring at me and Papa Condor wherever we went. Not with hostility, but with a mix of interest and curiosity. They were also really friendly, and ready to engage. At first, I thought that it was because I was so exotic and gorgeous, despite my mommy fats, that they couldn't help but stare. But later, we surmised that it was because we looked Asian, but not typically Chinese. And we conversed in English, and so did our kids. Not in Mandarin. Our accents were not Indian, Hongkie nor Pinoy, so they must be wondering what the hell we were. You can see how their initial expressions (which are a little guarded) melt into friendly ones the minute they hear us speaking English to each other.
- Australia Day is a bad day to go out. 2 pimply punk-ass teenagers snubbed me and the kids, choosing to take the stairs rather than wait for the lift with us. I had smiled at them (since everyone to that point had been super friendly and chatty), but didn't return it and looked away, saying loudly after they had passed, "Get out of the country!" I was shocked, then replied loudly, "Assholes!" In-bred dickwads.
This experience ruined the trip for me because if I can get this treatment 4 days into a short holiday, what happens if I extrapolate it into 40 years of making a life here?!? How will my boyz be treated, growing up? Will they be bullied, or will they be accepted? Taking my previous bullet point into this analysis, it's possible that the hostility to Asians is due to their unwillingness to assimilate into the society they've joined - if that's the case, we should be fine since we are as Western-minded and eager to assimilate as they come. We can't even speak Chinese. We love the Australian way of life and plan to fully embrace it and have plenty of Aussie friends (if we can) and not just stick to our own people.
- They have DAISO and CRABTREE here! WOOHOO! But must go to the big malls like Westfield. The others only have small-time or local brands. And Daiso seems to be AUD3 per item, not AUD2 like the 2 dollar Oz shops. Oh can someone please bring Uniqlo to Melbourne??
- The most fantastic beautiful weather for exercise and outdoor play with the kids. Even when it's hot, the cold wind makes the heat non-existent (dangerous without sunblock, as you burn without realising) and you don't SWEAT! Oh joy! No more sweating!!! Although I did sweat since we are struggling with 2 demon boyz, one hour of struggling produces a light misting of sweat, not the torrential sticky mess you get in KL after 1min of struggling. It's sort of a similar comparison when you talk about rain in Melbourne.
- The sun goes down at 8.30pm-ish. So we have such a huge window for taking the kids out to the playground, and not have to worry about the dark, muggers, or Aedes mosquitoes. Although their mozzies are quite big and itchy too, as the only existing mozzie in a 5-kilometre radius can always somehow find ME to bite me all over the place.
- Safe to leave things unattended. Garage doors can be left open, without worry that people will walk into the ungated yard and swipe your shit. For once, I didn't constantly worry about keeping my pouch in front of me for fear of pickpockets. I could comfortably carry Joshua, with my pouch dangling safely behind me, instead of Joshua using it as a foothold to rock-climb the front of my body.
- The air is very dry, and C2 drank tons of water. He went thru diapers like crazy. His skin is also too sensitive to the air, and he had dry skin or some sort of eczema all over the parts that were exposed to the air (calves). Condor 1 got it on his cheeks. Windburn, maybe? I have to moisturise the boyz like mad before every outing. But at least I won't be sweating buckets each time I put the lotion on, or have to worry that the lotion will burn their face or neck, or that it's stinks or that it's toxic if they accidentally get some in their mouths or eyes (the thing I hate the most in Msia is putting on heavy-duty mozzie lotion each time we go out). Lip balm is a must.
- Woolies lasagnia is very very nice!
- General consensus when talking to people living here is that there is a racial ceiling. Caucasians will always be chosen for management positions over the Asians, or so we've been told, but that's if you're looking at promotions within the country and not cross-country transfers within the same company. I'm still not 100% sure about it being a skin colour thing. I have a suspicion it's an industry and language thing. Some industries will be harder for non-Aussies, usually the more corporate or political ones, like banking, finance, consultancy etc... But for industries like video games, it's super multicultural and it's run like a meritocracy. Onto language, people will never want to promote someone who can't communicate as well as their closest competitor. Come on, even I won't do that here if I was the boss. Also, if you're still speaking in an accent that makes it hard for the other Aussies to understand you, it makes you a less appealing candidate. So I gotta put on my Aussie voice if I wanna get back into the corporate world. But I'm not into the rat race anymore, so I guess that's a moot worry.
- Education is STILL very expensive, even if you're a Permanent Resident. State Schools will still cost you AUD4k, which is about the same as a private education in Malaysia. FUCK la. Not yet enter University also so expensive already. Feel really depressed now. Kindy is semi-subsidised, so it's about AUD400 a term. About half of what kindies here cost, but that's only for 2 days a week whereas Msia is for 5 days a week! So I guess the cost is the same. WTF am I doing going to Oz?!?!?!?!? Oh yeah, education is in English and quality of life will be better, and we will be physically safer from all the crime. I really hope this move is the right one for us.
http://m.theage.com.au/data-point/private-fees-mount-as-education-costs-soar-20130124-2d8c4.html
- Kindies are very play-based. Unlike here, where 3-4 year old kids are already pressured to learn how to read, write, use phonics - the kids this age are still encouraged to learn via play. They don't teach the kids to read or write alphabets / numbers till they are 5, when they go to Prep School. Then they start Year 1 at 6 years old! I think C1 will thrive better in such a system, but I hope we can get him into a school in time for him to benefit! So rushed!!
- Gardens are a must, by law! Every house must have a certain ratio allotted to a garden, and you must upkeep it and remove all the constant weeds or you can get fined. Also, you can't just cut down a tree cuz it's pissing you off, even if it's on your property. You need permission from the council and you gotta plant a new one to replace it. Guess we should create a herb or veggie garden to make all the effort of weeding worth it. At least you're growing something you can use, and not just pretty, useless flowers.
- Papa Condor is awesome at his job and will always be in demand. But I'm a bit worried for myself now. Will I be awesome enough? I know I am awesome, but it's been so long since I've had to show it professionally. God, please help guide me.
- Property is ridiculously expensive. And the rental is low, so no way you can make up for the repayments by earnings from rental. AUD500k on average for a 2 bedroom house in a moderately good area. AUD1million and above for apartments nearer to or in the CBD. Scared if we buy a place now, property value will drop next year, since they are predicting a bit of an economic downturn, and we lose out. Please God, guide us to choose well.
- I will hopefully lose weight. It's too expensive to overeat and gorge myself here.
I'm also reminded of the unpleasantness I had to brush off while in Adelaide (the racist fellas telling us to "Go back to Asia"), but we are getting that in Malaysia more and more now thanks to the politicians and stupid brainwashing happening in local universities, so if we're gonna be treated as second-class citizens, better it be in a country where your rights are actually safeguarded by the government.
All in all, the experience removed the rose-tint from my memories and my assumptions, but I'm still surprisingly optimistic about the move. That's a big thing, considering my penchant for preparing for the worst. I'm 90% sure we will be happy there. Fingers crossed :)
Since we had to activate our visa with this initial trip to Melbourne, I decided to jot down my latest impressions as a mom, wife and adult who's already eaten a bit of salt in her working life.
MY MELBOURNE OBSERVATIONS :
- Fresh food (fruits, veggies), packaged foods and generally everything in retail are really expensive! I had the impression they were cheaper than in Malaysia and was SOOO looking forward to experimental cooking with cheap, high quality foods. The good news is that during the sales / offers at Woolies and Coles, they become ridiculously cheap. So gotta buy and freeze and hoard.- Meat (beef, lamb, pork, chicken) are cheaper, even after conversion! Hooray!
- If you're earning in Oz dollars, everything is more affordable than in Malaysia. Your buying power is higher here because prices are almost dollar for dollar e.g. Fuel is RM1.90 in Malaysia, and AUD1.30 in Oz. So are salaries e.g. RM4k in Msia and for the same job, you'll probably earn AUD4k too.
- Pampers are ridiculous. AUD33 vs RM46 !!! No Mamy Poko, only Huggies so far. Thank God Josh is ok with using this brand. We have to ship a ton from home, and start potty training Joshua ASAP.
- King beds are non-existent. Mainly Queen beds due to small bedroom sizes, and they are about a foot longer than the Queen beds in Msia. All our bedsheets won't fit. Shit. No point buying quilts from home because they won't fit and won't be thick enough.
- Using dryers are bloody expensive. They take 2 hours of electricity-draining hot air to dry a small load. Dang. May still have to line dry the laundry.
- You can get sunburned (red face, not peeling yet) after walking in the morning sun for 1 hour. Sunblock is always a must.
- The water isn't as hard as it was in Adelaide. My hands didn't dry that much when I did washing, didn't really start cracking or hurting, and should be fine with regular moisturiser. Water can be drunk from the tap, but tastes a bit weird due to fluoride. Found out fluoride is really toxic and can reduce IQ over time. Can only get rid of it via reverse osmosis, and even then it's not all. Can't escape it since all water there is fluoridated, and bottled water is bloody bloody expensive there it seems.
- No more watching movies for us. Tickets are now AUD20 instead of AUD8 that I used to pay in Adelaide. OMG.
- Gotta get the kids used to other yogurts, because Petit Miam is more expensive than Malaysia after conversion. Dutch Lady UHT milk doesn't exist, so I gotta introduce fresh milk to them now. Kids are also ok with meat pies, which is VERY good news.
- My little chinamen need their rice. They can't put in much of the gwailo food. Get full really fast on the proteins. Condor 2 actually liked eating the steamed cauliflower and carrots there, without needed to mash it into the rice. The veggies are really sweet and yummy.
- Avocadoes and salmon are NOT cheap. But, gotta wait for the sales. Hoard, hoard, HOARD!
- I should ship my own stationery, since I already have so much here at home. Expensiveeee.
- Very expensive to eat out, if you convert. But it's almost dollar for dollar as when we eat out in Malaysia. e.g. dinner in an expensive celebrity chef restaurant for 4 adults + 2 kids came up to AUD120. Not so bad if you're earning money there. But the simple meals are really costly, as nothing under AUD10. Fish & Chips are AUD10, and good sandwiches can be about AUD15. McD can also come up to AUD25 for 3 adults + 2 kids. Good news is there are plenty of microwave dinners (Weight Watchers) and frozen pies, so even if we eat at home all the time, I don't need to panic if I can't cook dinner everyday. Pies are like AUD5 for a pack of 4, so yay!
- Tax is ridiculous. Very easy to hit the 45% tax bracket. At least we actually benefit from our tax money there.
- The boyz sleep very well in this weather, even though it was summer. Either that, or they're really tired. They could sleep more than 2 hours uninterrupted! WOOHOO! But C2 is still very hot stuff, and sweats in his sleep (back of head and neck, and his pillow, are drenched) even on the cold days, and at night, even though he's just wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt and diapers!
- There are a disappointingly high number of Asians in the Boxhill / Mont Albert area, mainly people from China, since they are all conversing in sharp and and hissy Mandarin. They also brought their unpleasant social behaviour with them e.g. not waiting for people to alight a train before they barged on board, only mixing among themselves and not with the locals, sprawling themselves all over the seat on the train so that others won't take the vacant seats opposite them etc.... Me no likee. Didn't run across many Malaysians or Singaporeans.
- Australians (caucasians) kept staring at me and Papa Condor wherever we went. Not with hostility, but with a mix of interest and curiosity. They were also really friendly, and ready to engage. At first, I thought that it was because I was so exotic and gorgeous, despite my mommy fats, that they couldn't help but stare. But later, we surmised that it was because we looked Asian, but not typically Chinese. And we conversed in English, and so did our kids. Not in Mandarin. Our accents were not Indian, Hongkie nor Pinoy, so they must be wondering what the hell we were. You can see how their initial expressions (which are a little guarded) melt into friendly ones the minute they hear us speaking English to each other.
- Australia Day is a bad day to go out. 2 pimply punk-ass teenagers snubbed me and the kids, choosing to take the stairs rather than wait for the lift with us. I had smiled at them (since everyone to that point had been super friendly and chatty), but didn't return it and looked away, saying loudly after they had passed, "Get out of the country!" I was shocked, then replied loudly, "Assholes!" In-bred dickwads.
This experience ruined the trip for me because if I can get this treatment 4 days into a short holiday, what happens if I extrapolate it into 40 years of making a life here?!? How will my boyz be treated, growing up? Will they be bullied, or will they be accepted? Taking my previous bullet point into this analysis, it's possible that the hostility to Asians is due to their unwillingness to assimilate into the society they've joined - if that's the case, we should be fine since we are as Western-minded and eager to assimilate as they come. We can't even speak Chinese. We love the Australian way of life and plan to fully embrace it and have plenty of Aussie friends (if we can) and not just stick to our own people.
- They have DAISO and CRABTREE here! WOOHOO! But must go to the big malls like Westfield. The others only have small-time or local brands. And Daiso seems to be AUD3 per item, not AUD2 like the 2 dollar Oz shops. Oh can someone please bring Uniqlo to Melbourne??
- The most fantastic beautiful weather for exercise and outdoor play with the kids. Even when it's hot, the cold wind makes the heat non-existent (dangerous without sunblock, as you burn without realising) and you don't SWEAT! Oh joy! No more sweating!!! Although I did sweat since we are struggling with 2 demon boyz, one hour of struggling produces a light misting of sweat, not the torrential sticky mess you get in KL after 1min of struggling. It's sort of a similar comparison when you talk about rain in Melbourne.
- The sun goes down at 8.30pm-ish. So we have such a huge window for taking the kids out to the playground, and not have to worry about the dark, muggers, or Aedes mosquitoes. Although their mozzies are quite big and itchy too, as the only existing mozzie in a 5-kilometre radius can always somehow find ME to bite me all over the place.
- Safe to leave things unattended. Garage doors can be left open, without worry that people will walk into the ungated yard and swipe your shit. For once, I didn't constantly worry about keeping my pouch in front of me for fear of pickpockets. I could comfortably carry Joshua, with my pouch dangling safely behind me, instead of Joshua using it as a foothold to rock-climb the front of my body.
- The air is very dry, and C2 drank tons of water. He went thru diapers like crazy. His skin is also too sensitive to the air, and he had dry skin or some sort of eczema all over the parts that were exposed to the air (calves). Condor 1 got it on his cheeks. Windburn, maybe? I have to moisturise the boyz like mad before every outing. But at least I won't be sweating buckets each time I put the lotion on, or have to worry that the lotion will burn their face or neck, or that it's stinks or that it's toxic if they accidentally get some in their mouths or eyes (the thing I hate the most in Msia is putting on heavy-duty mozzie lotion each time we go out). Lip balm is a must.
- Woolies lasagnia is very very nice!
- General consensus when talking to people living here is that there is a racial ceiling. Caucasians will always be chosen for management positions over the Asians, or so we've been told, but that's if you're looking at promotions within the country and not cross-country transfers within the same company. I'm still not 100% sure about it being a skin colour thing. I have a suspicion it's an industry and language thing. Some industries will be harder for non-Aussies, usually the more corporate or political ones, like banking, finance, consultancy etc... But for industries like video games, it's super multicultural and it's run like a meritocracy. Onto language, people will never want to promote someone who can't communicate as well as their closest competitor. Come on, even I won't do that here if I was the boss. Also, if you're still speaking in an accent that makes it hard for the other Aussies to understand you, it makes you a less appealing candidate. So I gotta put on my Aussie voice if I wanna get back into the corporate world. But I'm not into the rat race anymore, so I guess that's a moot worry.
- Education is STILL very expensive, even if you're a Permanent Resident. State Schools will still cost you AUD4k, which is about the same as a private education in Malaysia. FUCK la. Not yet enter University also so expensive already. Feel really depressed now. Kindy is semi-subsidised, so it's about AUD400 a term. About half of what kindies here cost, but that's only for 2 days a week whereas Msia is for 5 days a week! So I guess the cost is the same. WTF am I doing going to Oz?!?!?!?!? Oh yeah, education is in English and quality of life will be better, and we will be physically safer from all the crime. I really hope this move is the right one for us.
http://m.theage.com.au/data-
- Kindies are very play-based. Unlike here, where 3-4 year old kids are already pressured to learn how to read, write, use phonics - the kids this age are still encouraged to learn via play. They don't teach the kids to read or write alphabets / numbers till they are 5, when they go to Prep School. Then they start Year 1 at 6 years old! I think C1 will thrive better in such a system, but I hope we can get him into a school in time for him to benefit! So rushed!!
- Gardens are a must, by law! Every house must have a certain ratio allotted to a garden, and you must upkeep it and remove all the constant weeds or you can get fined. Also, you can't just cut down a tree cuz it's pissing you off, even if it's on your property. You need permission from the council and you gotta plant a new one to replace it. Guess we should create a herb or veggie garden to make all the effort of weeding worth it. At least you're growing something you can use, and not just pretty, useless flowers.
- Papa Condor is awesome at his job and will always be in demand. But I'm a bit worried for myself now. Will I be awesome enough? I know I am awesome, but it's been so long since I've had to show it professionally. God, please help guide me.
- Property is ridiculously expensive. And the rental is low, so no way you can make up for the repayments by earnings from rental. AUD500k on average for a 2 bedroom house in a moderately good area. AUD1million and above for apartments nearer to or in the CBD. Scared if we buy a place now, property value will drop next year, since they are predicting a bit of an economic downturn, and we lose out. Please God, guide us to choose well.
- I will hopefully lose weight. It's too expensive to overeat and gorge myself here.
CONCLUSION :
I had this impression of Australia being the solution to all our problems, and boy have my eyes been opened. Things are not much better there, in terms of cost of living and salary. The consumerism we enjoyed in Malaysia will not be as easily enjoyed there if we want to save money, but overall quality of life is better due to the culture, laws, weather, people, mindset and WEATHER (did I stress that one enough?). Education will hopefully prove to be better. I really hope and pray for this one, since there seems to be no cost savings.I'm also reminded of the unpleasantness I had to brush off while in Adelaide (the racist fellas telling us to "Go back to Asia"), but we are getting that in Malaysia more and more now thanks to the politicians and stupid brainwashing happening in local universities, so if we're gonna be treated as second-class citizens, better it be in a country where your rights are actually safeguarded by the government.
All in all, the experience removed the rose-tint from my memories and my assumptions, but I'm still surprisingly optimistic about the move. That's a big thing, considering my penchant for preparing for the worst. I'm 90% sure we will be happy there. Fingers crossed :)
Sunday, 13 January 2013
Teaching Condor 1 & 2 to share
Condor 1 wants a toy, other kid refuses to share because he's not ready to, doesn't know how or is just an asshole. C1 TO meltsdown and I can't do anything about it, because he's fixated on the toys. Can't expect small kids to understand sharing when they've not been taught to, and can't expect them to understand the concept of sharing when they only understand ownership.
Can't expect small kids to understand sharing when they've not been taught to.
METHOD :
Teach my kids to ask others to "Exchange", then thrust another toy in their face to tempt them, then take the toy my kid wants from the other kid's loosened hand, which had loosened to take hold of the new toy. Then say, "Thank you" during the exchange. Gotta guide their hands the whole way, in the beginning, until they can understand and remember the process, then transition to verbal reminders to "exchange".
Sometimes, the other kid doesn't want the new toy offered. Told C1, "He doesn't want this one. Find one that he wants" and guide C1 to find another toy that may interest him. Keep offering new toys till one works. If all doesn't work, then tell C1, "He's not ready to share, so we can't force him to. You will have to wait till it's your turn to play." Then calm, console and distract C1 as much as possible while keeping a hawkeye on the other kid, then prompting C1 to grab it the minute the kid is done, "Ok, he's done. Your turn to play now! Go take it!"
WHEN :
Started teaching C1 around 2 years old and Condor 2@ 18 months.
RESULTS :
C1 and C2 do not fight over toys (sometimes still do, if it's a brand new toy) and can exchange toys peacefully on their own when at home or even seated in their car seats during a long journey. Each automatically understands that when a new toy is thrust in their face, if they like it, they give their current toy to the other without a fight. They do not hoard toys, and tend to play with one toy at a time. Sometimes, when C2 is done with his toy (the one that C1 wants), he will walk over to C1 and hand it to him without further prompting.
Can't expect small kids to understand sharing when they've not been taught to.
Teach my kids to ask others to "Exchange", then thrust another toy in their face to tempt them, then take the toy my kid wants from the other kid's loosened hand, which had loosened to take hold of the new toy. Then say, "Thank you" during the exchange. Gotta guide their hands the whole way, in the beginning, until they can understand and remember the process, then transition to verbal reminders to "exchange".
Sometimes, the other kid doesn't want the new toy offered. Told C1, "He doesn't want this one. Find one that he wants" and guide C1 to find another toy that may interest him. Keep offering new toys till one works. If all doesn't work, then tell C1, "He's not ready to share, so we can't force him to. You will have to wait till it's your turn to play." Then calm, console and distract C1 as much as possible while keeping a hawkeye on the other kid, then prompting C1 to grab it the minute the kid is done, "Ok, he's done. Your turn to play now! Go take it!"
WHEN :
Started teaching C1 around 2 years old and Condor 2@ 18 months.
RESULTS :
C1 and C2 do not fight over toys (sometimes still do, if it's a brand new toy) and can exchange toys peacefully on their own when at home or even seated in their car seats during a long journey. Each automatically understands that when a new toy is thrust in their face, if they like it, they give their current toy to the other without a fight. They do not hoard toys, and tend to play with one toy at a time. Sometimes, when C2 is done with his toy (the one that C1 wants), he will walk over to C1 and hand it to him without further prompting.
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
How To Gently Introduce Your Toddler To Kindergarten
STEP 1 :
Dump him into the kindergarten of your first choice, prepared to stay there the whole day, only to have him wave bye-bye to you and disappear around the corner without a care in the world.
STEP 2 :
Discover 1 week later how much he hates the kindergarten, and you have to pull him out before it creates irreparable psychological damage due to the insensitive, asshole teacher in charge of his young toddler mind. Lucky we only lose the deposit and not the term fees.
STEP 3 :
Wait for a month to let him recover, all the while trying to brainwash him with books or videos about how fun school is. Let him choose a water bottle or something personal that is specifically for his school, and tell him it's for school.
STEP 4 :
Take him to your 2nd choice kindy, and explain your previous difficulties to the new teacher / principal and ask them to be patient with him and not force him into anything. Be ignored by them the first few times, until they see how much he cries each time he loses sight of you, then be taken seriously. Now you can tell them for real what you need them to do for your son.
STEP 5 :
Stay with him the whole session, bringing your second child with you because you can't leave him alone at home. Sweat to death the entire time because you are busy chasing both boys around the kindy and trying to get them to sit down and listen to the teacher or participate. Occasionally chasing around one of the other kindy kids, to be helpful to the teachers and hopefully inspire them to be patient with my own kids. Take lots of pictures and see how patient teachers are with him.
STEP 6 :
Fall horribly sick the next day due to all the heat and stress, develop killer sore throat, which morphs into horrible wet cough in the next few days and lasts for more than a month. The kids too. Reduce the number of days you go to kindy from 4 days/week to 2 days/week because your body just can't take it. Especially since you still have to take care of the household chores, cleaning, cooking, laundry etc... after you've spent the whole exhausting morning there with the 2 kids. Lunch is impossible to cook, unless I wake up really early that morning to make the soup before we leave. Most of the time, mommy will go hungry because she only has enough time to cook lunch for the kids, and none for herself. Some of the times, mommy will tapau KFC for everyone, and on those days, mommy will feel human again.
STEP 7 :
Keep this up for 2 exhausting months. Made worse by the fact that the timing runs into the biggest crime month of the year, Ramadhan. Add the stress from the constant fear of being car jacked, robbed, snatch thefted, slashed in front of your home, smash-and-grabbed, home invaded etc... to the mix, as friends and family around you are victims of such crime during that month.
STEP 8 :
Discover what your kid enjoys, which is art and craft. And wait for the holiday programme, which is intensive art and crafts, and start warning him that you can't follow him to school anymore. Follow him for 3-days into the holiday programme. Then tell him he'll be staying on his own the next day, and that the teachers will be taking care of him after that. Mommy needs to go home and clean the house and cook his food, and she will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock - show him where the hands go on the clock.
STEP 9 :
Drop off second kid with mother in law. Leave eldest in school on the last day of the week, so you have the weekend to reassure him and bond with him. Steel yourself for tears and wailing. There will be a lot of it. Be firm, do not show him that you are worried. It's no big deal. Show him the clock on the wall and tell him that mommy will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock. Leave your number with the teacher and tell them to call you if he's been crying non-stop for more than 30 minutes. Wait around outside the classroom, hidden, listening to him wail and wring your hands helplessly. See the teacher finally manage to distract him with something, then make your getaway, and continue hand wringing at home, keeping your phone (which never rings) close to you in case. Pick him up before classes end, see him beaming at the sight of you, hug him happily (but do not show him your anxiety) and point to the clock and show him that it's 12 o'clock and mommy is here as promised. Do this each time. Be surprised that he's quite cheery the rest of the day, compared to his shutdown behaviour from the previous kindy.
STEP 10 :
Spend lots of quality time over the weekend, talking about how good the teachers were to him and assuring him that they will take care of him, and that he should learn to ask them for help if he can't do something. Help him to make "Thank you" cards for the teachers, with their names on it, and buy some Hershey kisses to go with them.
STEP 10 :
Get him to hand deliver each thank you card & chocolate to all his teachers. Continue leaving him there, telling him you're going out to cook, will be back at 12 o'clock - then leave and listen to him wail until he gets distracted, all the while holding 2nd child and hiding behind the wall. But the wailing is less and less now.
STEP 11 :
After 2 weeks of leaving him there with bated breath (minus some days he had to stay home because he's always catching something), he starts waving happily at you and saying, "Bye bye mommy!" when you drop him off, and you can finally start making plans in the mornings he goes to kindy!
STEP 12 :
A little hiccup as the wailing starts again when the new term begins, because he hates the structured learning and lessons. But stand firm and leave him there. He will be ok.
Dump him into the kindergarten of your first choice, prepared to stay there the whole day, only to have him wave bye-bye to you and disappear around the corner without a care in the world.
STEP 2 :
Discover 1 week later how much he hates the kindergarten, and you have to pull him out before it creates irreparable psychological damage due to the insensitive, asshole teacher in charge of his young toddler mind. Lucky we only lose the deposit and not the term fees.
STEP 3 :
Wait for a month to let him recover, all the while trying to brainwash him with books or videos about how fun school is. Let him choose a water bottle or something personal that is specifically for his school, and tell him it's for school.
STEP 4 :
Take him to your 2nd choice kindy, and explain your previous difficulties to the new teacher / principal and ask them to be patient with him and not force him into anything. Be ignored by them the first few times, until they see how much he cries each time he loses sight of you, then be taken seriously. Now you can tell them for real what you need them to do for your son.
STEP 5 :
Stay with him the whole session, bringing your second child with you because you can't leave him alone at home. Sweat to death the entire time because you are busy chasing both boys around the kindy and trying to get them to sit down and listen to the teacher or participate. Occasionally chasing around one of the other kindy kids, to be helpful to the teachers and hopefully inspire them to be patient with my own kids. Take lots of pictures and see how patient teachers are with him.
STEP 6 :
Fall horribly sick the next day due to all the heat and stress, develop killer sore throat, which morphs into horrible wet cough in the next few days and lasts for more than a month. The kids too. Reduce the number of days you go to kindy from 4 days/week to 2 days/week because your body just can't take it. Especially since you still have to take care of the household chores, cleaning, cooking, laundry etc... after you've spent the whole exhausting morning there with the 2 kids. Lunch is impossible to cook, unless I wake up really early that morning to make the soup before we leave. Most of the time, mommy will go hungry because she only has enough time to cook lunch for the kids, and none for herself. Some of the times, mommy will tapau KFC for everyone, and on those days, mommy will feel human again.
STEP 7 :
Keep this up for 2 exhausting months. Made worse by the fact that the timing runs into the biggest crime month of the year, Ramadhan. Add the stress from the constant fear of being car jacked, robbed, snatch thefted, slashed in front of your home, smash-and-grabbed, home invaded etc... to the mix, as friends and family around you are victims of such crime during that month.
STEP 8 :
Discover what your kid enjoys, which is art and craft. And wait for the holiday programme, which is intensive art and crafts, and start warning him that you can't follow him to school anymore. Follow him for 3-days into the holiday programme. Then tell him he'll be staying on his own the next day, and that the teachers will be taking care of him after that. Mommy needs to go home and clean the house and cook his food, and she will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock - show him where the hands go on the clock.
STEP 9 :
Drop off second kid with mother in law. Leave eldest in school on the last day of the week, so you have the weekend to reassure him and bond with him. Steel yourself for tears and wailing. There will be a lot of it. Be firm, do not show him that you are worried. It's no big deal. Show him the clock on the wall and tell him that mommy will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock. Leave your number with the teacher and tell them to call you if he's been crying non-stop for more than 30 minutes. Wait around outside the classroom, hidden, listening to him wail and wring your hands helplessly. See the teacher finally manage to distract him with something, then make your getaway, and continue hand wringing at home, keeping your phone (which never rings) close to you in case. Pick him up before classes end, see him beaming at the sight of you, hug him happily (but do not show him your anxiety) and point to the clock and show him that it's 12 o'clock and mommy is here as promised. Do this each time. Be surprised that he's quite cheery the rest of the day, compared to his shutdown behaviour from the previous kindy.
STEP 10 :
Spend lots of quality time over the weekend, talking about how good the teachers were to him and assuring him that they will take care of him, and that he should learn to ask them for help if he can't do something. Help him to make "Thank you" cards for the teachers, with their names on it, and buy some Hershey kisses to go with them.
STEP 10 :
Get him to hand deliver each thank you card & chocolate to all his teachers. Continue leaving him there, telling him you're going out to cook, will be back at 12 o'clock - then leave and listen to him wail until he gets distracted, all the while holding 2nd child and hiding behind the wall. But the wailing is less and less now.
STEP 11 :
After 2 weeks of leaving him there with bated breath (minus some days he had to stay home because he's always catching something), he starts waving happily at you and saying, "Bye bye mommy!" when you drop him off, and you can finally start making plans in the mornings he goes to kindy!
STEP 12 :
A little hiccup as the wailing starts again when the new term begins, because he hates the structured learning and lessons. But stand firm and leave him there. He will be ok.
Saturday, 29 September 2012
Condor 1 sees a vampire in A&W ?
We were having tea with the hubbie's friends in A&W, the one by the Taman Jaya LRT station.
Condor 1had spent the whole day out, taking the LRT to KLCC this morning, and slept really late for his nap at 3pm. He woke up pretty grumpy, similar to how tired and grumpy he was in Genting.
Was trying to feed him in A&W when he started burying his face in the hubbie's lap. He had been watching the TV behind him before that. He kept saying he wanted to "get out get out" and acting like he was afraid, his whole body tensed. We figured he must've seen a balloon because that was upsetting him for the most part of the KLCC trip.
I dragged him over to me, but he kept his head down and when he realised it was me, he immediately climbed into my lap and made a beeline for my crucifix. He held it and kept saying, "Jesus protect me".
Then I realised he must have seen something.
I asked him what was wrong :
C1 : The face. Scared the face.
Mom : What face?
C1 : The face. The girl got the face. The girl's teeth so sharp. The teeth so brown. The teeth so sharp. I dowan to be scared.
I kept trying to prompt him to show me where this was, because I wondered if it was the TV. But he only repeated variations of the above, so I kept reawssuring him and telling him to continue praying and that mommy will make it "go away". He calmed down and was ok again.
Later at home, when he brought it up again, I asked him if the girl was inside the TV or outside. He said, "Outside" ... but later at night, again when he brought it up, he said it was in the TV.
Am pretty sure this one was from the TV cuz I saw some semi-scary ads with this weird woman wielding a pitchfork. But it still scared us a little because OMFG THERE COULD HAVE BEEN A VAMPIRE IN A&W!!!
 |
| Thank God it wasn't Edward |
Saturday, 22 September 2012
Lifted A Car & Saved My Family
Ok, it's not as dramatic as it sounds, but some parts are.
I've spoken about my rage issue in previous posts, and it was reaching the point where I didn't know what else to do to control it.
It's not just as simple as taking a breath, or checking my temper. It explodes without warning, at the slightest provocation, and I don't even know what's causing my temper to simmer all the time - but it does. And when someone does something small, it's like tossing a whole bottle of Eno into a boiling pot of water. Or Mentos in a Coke bottle - whatever the urban legend is that makes harmless things explode.
I was praying hard. I had already hurt myself several times in attempts to redirect the rage to inanimate things like the furniture. I was afraid someone else was eventually going to be seriously hurt. It had to stop.
Still, the water was simmering and I was still losing my temper with the kids and everyone else. Had a major blowout with my loved ones too, which made things worse, and the kids got the brunt of it.
I had to consciously stop taking things personally, and let the words just roll off my back like water off a duck. It helped that I had set my Parenting Priorities in my previous post, and those were fresh in my mind and it helped to keep my actions in perspective.
But still, the water was still running hot and nowhere close to tepid.
I've spoken about my rage issue in previous posts, and it was reaching the point where I didn't know what else to do to control it.
It's not just as simple as taking a breath, or checking my temper. It explodes without warning, at the slightest provocation, and I don't even know what's causing my temper to simmer all the time - but it does. And when someone does something small, it's like tossing a whole bottle of Eno into a boiling pot of water. Or Mentos in a Coke bottle - whatever the urban legend is that makes harmless things explode.
I was praying hard. I had already hurt myself several times in attempts to redirect the rage to inanimate things like the furniture. I was afraid someone else was eventually going to be seriously hurt. It had to stop.
Action 1:
The fire seemed to lower after I wrote my last blog post, because I realised I was trying to be EVERYTHING to the kids and the pressure was killing me. Especially the part about feeding them enough food, nutritiously. Once I worked out what was important to me, or what I wanted the kids to feel and think about me in the long run, I could refocus my energy on that and stop spreading it so thin across everything.Still, the water was simmering and I was still losing my temper with the kids and everyone else. Had a major blowout with my loved ones too, which made things worse, and the kids got the brunt of it.
Action 2:
So I had made a decision to take a page from my FB moderation awsum-skillz book, and STOP ENGAGING in conflict with other adults - no matter how much they bait me or their words upset me. Engaging just upsets them, and me, and no one comes out the winner. I only needed to keep quiet, hold my tongue - be cool. Be cool, bitch. Be cool.I had to consciously stop taking things personally, and let the words just roll off my back like water off a duck. It helped that I had set my Parenting Priorities in my previous post, and those were fresh in my mind and it helped to keep my actions in perspective.
But still, the water was still running hot and nowhere close to tepid.
Action 3:
I feel like the the turning point was when I ... * drum roll * ..... lifted the Honda City.
I was simmering with anger the whole morning while we were on a family outing, and the car got accidentally driven over this cement hump at the parking lot (not all the lots have it, but ours inexplicably did), the front wheels went over and KRUNK, the bottom of the car scraped the hump and chipped off a few bits of cement chunks.
We tried to reverse it back over the hump (so we didn't scrape more of the car's underbelly) but the car had no power to get back over it.
I was already at exploding point now, and stormed out of the car immediately, walked to the front, grabbed the bottom of the bumper just under the license plate .... and lifted the car.
I was simmering with anger the whole morning while we were on a family outing, and the car got accidentally driven over this cement hump at the parking lot (not all the lots have it, but ours inexplicably did), the front wheels went over and KRUNK, the bottom of the car scraped the hump and chipped off a few bits of cement chunks.
We tried to reverse it back over the hump (so we didn't scrape more of the car's underbelly) but the car had no power to get back over it.
I was already at exploding point now, and stormed out of the car immediately, walked to the front, grabbed the bottom of the bumper just under the license plate .... and lifted the car.
 |
| No. But it sure felt like this! |
My first attempt failed. It didn't budge.
I used more strength and lifted it again, and
pushed, while the driver reversed it ... and the car went up and
over the cement hump without further fuss.
All this while, 2 terrified indian ladies in a nearby car were watching me with wide eyes. Hahah.
Later, I found I had sprained my wrist and pulled the slipped disc in my neck from the exertion, but I didn't feel it at the time. Too much adrenaline.
This is an illustration of just how violent and angry I was during this rage period - and how dangerous I was to the kids.
Later, I found I had sprained my wrist and pulled the slipped disc in my neck from the exertion, but I didn't feel it at the time. Too much adrenaline.
This is an illustration of just how violent and angry I was during this rage period - and how dangerous I was to the kids.
After this incident, all the anger seemed to have leaked out of me. It's like all the bad shit that was roiling around inside me, contained inside me, was released into the effort to do something superhuman like lift a car! I do remember feeling weak, but euphoric after I got back into the car.
I'm glad to say that things seemed to have calmed a lot and I feel a lot
more like myself again, and even though the kids still do things that make me mad or make me yell at them, I no longer have the violent, uncontrollable rage that used to take control of my body.
Hope it's not just hormonal and temporary. I like being happy and in control of my life again.
My family is safe. And all it took, was for me to lift a car.
Sunday, 9 September 2012
Condor 1's "Gifts" - The Genting Experience
We've always suspected Condor 1 was psychic and could see "things".
We joke about his "powers" all the time, because I always wanted to have psychic abilities like pyrokenesis or telekenesis, or even mind control, so I was open-minded and almost wishful about the abilities. But we never seriously thought he had any.
We went to Genting on 6th Sept to celebrate my birthday, and now have 99.9% confirmed that he has them.
On 7th Sept, after a whole day in the outdoor and indoor theme parks, we took the walkway back again around 8.15pm, because C1 had very little sleep the night before and gets very lau kai, so we wanted him in bed earlier.
Before C1 and my hubbie reached the row of posters, he started freaking out, saying, "Scared! Scared! Scared!" and wanting his father to carry him. His grip around his father's neck tightened into a vice when they walked past the posters, and he shut his eyes as tight as he could, refusing to open them or be let back on the ground.
He does have irrational fears of things like this every once in awhile, so we figured he was just afraid of the posters of the creepy old singers and of plastic surgery (Jolin Tsai). Hubbie had to put him down at one point to help me carry Condor 2 down some stairs in his pram. C1 refused to let go, clinging to him like a burr.
When he peeled C1 off, C1 stood on the ground shaking a little, body all tense, with his eyes still tightly shut. I kept telling him there were no more pictures, and kept repeating what I said, then slowly opened his eyes. He didn't seem to see anything scary anymore, though he was still very shaken and clingy the rest of the way.
He kept mumbling, "C1 is scared of all the people" for the rest of the night, on and off, between other subject matters. We were all squashed into bed, lights off, when he started saying it again. So we started questioning him :
Mommy : Were the people INSIDE the picture, or OUTSIDE the picture?
C1 : (pause) Outside the picture.
Mommy & Daddy : (geli silence)
Daddy : What colour are the people? Are they grey, black, white, pink ...?
Experience 1
When he was around 1+, he often cried and clung in fear to his caregiver when he was being bathed in my in-laws' spare room. He hated one particular spot high up in the curtains, where it was a little dark, even with the lights on. Always would stare at that spot and cry. The maids would get creeped out and run down the stairs with him, while he was still half-dressed.Experience 2
He's about 2yo and having dinner with us in Churrascaria, this Brazillian place. He's seated near some handmade earthenware pots, and was fine till an hour into dinner he starts freaking out and crying for no reason. The waiter (who's been there since the beginning of time) came over calmly and made the sign of the cross on C1's forehead and said, "Jesus, please protect me from the things I see" and C1 calmed down immediately. About 15-30min later, he freaked out again. Again, the waiter repeated the ritual and he calmed. I asked C1 to say, "Thank you, uncle" and for once, he actually looked at him and said it. Normally, he NEVER acknowledges another human being or speaks to them despite my prompting. So that in itself was amazing enough for us to take note of.Experience 3
In my house (around 1yo or younger), my mom saw him staring at the landing of my staircase, then following something with his eyes as it came down the stairs and walked out the front door. Then he stated brightly, "Tata!" which is his word for grandfather, although Tata refers to his paternal grandfather who is still alive, and KongKong would be for his maternal grandfather who had passed away more than 5 years ago.Experience 4
He can also pick things out of your head, if you happen to be thinking hard about something. Sort of like how I can do that with my siblings. Last week, he went on a car ride with my hubbie and his friend, and suddenly said, "Stones! Stones!" My hubbie and friend froze, cuz that is my hubbie's nickname from school. His friends used to call him that all the time, but not recently, and not in front of C1.We joke about his "powers" all the time, because I always wanted to have psychic abilities like pyrokenesis or telekenesis, or even mind control, so I was open-minded and almost wishful about the abilities. But we never seriously thought he had any.
We went to Genting on 6th Sept to celebrate my birthday, and now have 99.9% confirmed that he has them.
THE PROOF
On 6th Sept, he spent the whole evening playing in the indoor theme park. We took the connecting walkways back to the hotel around 10pm and walked past a row of old promo posters featuring artistes who had performed in Genting before (some of them almost dead, like Cliff Richard, and some of them already dead, like Michael Learns To Rock). James was fine, chattering away about his day. |
| Hmm. This IS pretty scary. |
On 7th Sept, after a whole day in the outdoor and indoor theme parks, we took the walkway back again around 8.15pm, because C1 had very little sleep the night before and gets very lau kai, so we wanted him in bed earlier.
Before C1 and my hubbie reached the row of posters, he started freaking out, saying, "Scared! Scared! Scared!" and wanting his father to carry him. His grip around his father's neck tightened into a vice when they walked past the posters, and he shut his eyes as tight as he could, refusing to open them or be let back on the ground.
He does have irrational fears of things like this every once in awhile, so we figured he was just afraid of the posters of the creepy old singers and of plastic surgery (Jolin Tsai). Hubbie had to put him down at one point to help me carry Condor 2 down some stairs in his pram. C1 refused to let go, clinging to him like a burr.
 |
| Plastic surgery. Terrifying. |
When he peeled C1 off, C1 stood on the ground shaking a little, body all tense, with his eyes still tightly shut. I kept telling him there were no more pictures, and kept repeating what I said, then slowly opened his eyes. He didn't seem to see anything scary anymore, though he was still very shaken and clingy the rest of the way.
He kept mumbling, "C1 is scared of all the people" for the rest of the night, on and off, between other subject matters. We were all squashed into bed, lights off, when he started saying it again. So we started questioning him :
Mommy : Were the people INSIDE the picture, or OUTSIDE the picture?
C1 : (pause) Outside the picture.
Mommy & Daddy : (geli silence)
Daddy : What colour are the people? Are they grey, black, white, pink ...?
C1 : Grey
Mommy & Daddy : (more geli silence + bulu standing)
Mommy : Are the people walking or standing there?
C1 : Standing there.
Mommy : What are they doing? Are the people talking to C1?
C1 : No. The people talk to C1. The people don't talk to C1.
Mommy : Are the people waving at C1?
C1 : The people waving at C1.
Ok, after that point, I think he lost the plot and was just repeating after me, because he kept reverting back to "C1 scared of all the people". I kept asking him to say the Hail Mary, since he knows how to say the whole thing, and he started off the first 2 lines and let me continue for the rest of the night. So scary.
We waited till we got home the next day to ask him more. I drew an outline of a man in a picture frame and an outline of a man standing on the ground, and asked him which was the people he saw. He pointed consistently at the outline of the man standing outside.
Then he got really upset and kept insisting I draw a collarbone. I drew 2 lines on the outline's chest and he seemed satisfied. Later I tried it again, same result. He asked me to draw the collarbone again and I gave him the pencil to do it, and he made 2 lines at the chest where the bone should be, then smiled.
We don't know what he saw or what happened, but we figured that on 6th Sept, since it was a Fri and there was a concert blaring just down the walkway, maybe all the restless spirits in Genting were going there to kepoh (like they do during the 7th month concerts) and that's why he could see them.
I am creeped out yet impressed at his possible abilities and hope to learn how I could help him deal with them. I see them as a gift from God, and there must be a reason he has them. I hope all the spirits are not harmful ones and this ability doesn't affect him mentally or physically - that's where I draw the line and will find a way to get his "3rd eye" closed, the way so many adults here have done so.
Mommy & Daddy : (more geli silence + bulu standing)
Mommy : Are the people walking or standing there?
C1 : Standing there.
Mommy : What are they doing? Are the people talking to C1?
C1 : No. The people talk to C1. The people don't talk to C1.
Mommy : Are the people waving at C1?
C1 : The people waving at C1.
Ok, after that point, I think he lost the plot and was just repeating after me, because he kept reverting back to "C1 scared of all the people". I kept asking him to say the Hail Mary, since he knows how to say the whole thing, and he started off the first 2 lines and let me continue for the rest of the night. So scary.
We waited till we got home the next day to ask him more. I drew an outline of a man in a picture frame and an outline of a man standing on the ground, and asked him which was the people he saw. He pointed consistently at the outline of the man standing outside.
Then he got really upset and kept insisting I draw a collarbone. I drew 2 lines on the outline's chest and he seemed satisfied. Later I tried it again, same result. He asked me to draw the collarbone again and I gave him the pencil to do it, and he made 2 lines at the chest where the bone should be, then smiled.
We don't know what he saw or what happened, but we figured that on 6th Sept, since it was a Fri and there was a concert blaring just down the walkway, maybe all the restless spirits in Genting were going there to kepoh (like they do during the 7th month concerts) and that's why he could see them.
I am creeped out yet impressed at his possible abilities and hope to learn how I could help him deal with them. I see them as a gift from God, and there must be a reason he has them. I hope all the spirits are not harmful ones and this ability doesn't affect him mentally or physically - that's where I draw the line and will find a way to get his "3rd eye" closed, the way so many adults here have done so.
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
It's NOT normal for kids to cry at Kindy
The biggest challenge of raising a high-need kid like Condor 1 is knowing when to filter out well-meaning but damaging advice from others.
The pressure to treat him the way other kids are treated is immense, and I find myself doubting my instincts on a weekly basis. Usually when I'm exhausted, sick, there's a regression, or when people just don't understand the special care that's needed to raise a happy C1.
The most recent damaging advice received was that it's "ok to dump him in kindergarten and let him cry". That's how it's done with all the other kids.
Why the fuck did I listen? I knew he did not have the temperament for Ferberization, and kindergarten was NO exception.
When people give you seemingly simple advice on how to handle your high-need child, be sure to ask for a lot more details. Taking the kindy example :
When C1 had his kindy trauma, he was crying ALL FUCKING MORNING. From 8.30am till 12.00pm! It would stop for brief periods, then start again. That is NOT normal, and that is NOT ok. That's a sign that something's wrong, and you need to follow your instincts and not what some idiot told you.
Lots of parents gloss over this VERY important point. They forget or they never notice the change in their kids after they're dumped unceremoniously in kindy.
Some kids learn to cope and adapt without much fuss. Some kids turn into total assholes, doing things they never did before as a way of acting out or expressing their feelings of abandonment. e.g. hitting, biting, wetting themselves even though they're potty trained.
I noticed the change in C1 immediately after his 1st day in the Trauma Kindy. He was withdrawn, didn't make much eye-contact, and had trouble controlling his bladder. I knew this meant trouble but I stuck it out for another 3 days, during which his behaviour got worse (wouldn't let me out of his sight, even in the house) and even his sleep was affected.
In this new kindy (Nakorn Sari), I'm happy to say that I've left him on his own twice now. I've been staying with him throughout class for a month (exhausted till I fell sick) and felt that it was time to start leaving him on his own. Especially since he seemed comfortable letting me out of his sight for long periods of time as he was absorbed in their activities.
The first time, he did cry, with big rolling tears. But I had prepared him for this moment, and assured him that I would be back at 12pm to pick him up. And I would never leave him without saying bye first (my rookie mistake at Trauma Kindy). He's used to this cue because he's learned to wait for Papa to come home from work at 7pm, so I decided it was the best way to go for him.
The teachers told me he cried till his body shook at first, but for the most part he was ok because they kept distracting him with things to do. Glad I chose the holiday programme to do this, as he loves the arts and crafts.
I was more interested in his behaviour when I came to pick him up.
I showed that I was happy to see him, but not "OMGMYPOORBABYCOMEISAVEYOUNOW!". That was good advice from the kindy owner Nancy Simon - she said when he comes to you, you must be assuring but non-challant, like "Hey, there. Wassup baby?". This allows him to pick up cues from you that this is not a scary place, because mommy is not scared for me or worried for me.
So, I'm glad to say that he was happy to see me, but he wasn't desperate to run away from the teachers or about to burst into tears. He also said the teachers were very nice to him, but I'm not sure if he was just echoing what I said. He did say he liked them. He didn't like the teacher in Trauma Kindy.
For the rest of the day, he also was very cheerful and talkative, and MORE independent than usual (feeding himself, getting out of the car etc....). He was very loving and affectionate, but NOT clingy.
That was a great sign.
Today is the second time he's been left there. LOTS of tears and wailing, and I could barely bring myself to leave. But I had to be strong, because I'd started already and I had to be consistent if I wanted him to learn to be independent in kindy, and trust his teachers to see to his needs.
I hid with Condor 2 till I saw he was distracted by the cars outside, and he stopped wailing. Then, with a heavy heart, I left.
When I came back, the poor fella had just finished 2 bowls of fried rice, and was shuffling his feet slowly and despondently on the floor mats. Again he was happy to see me and hugged me, but didn't look like he was holding in a flood of tears.
I pointed out that I was here at 12pm, as promised. He looked at the clock on the wall and declared with a smile, "The hand point at 12 o'clock!" You could see the thoughts in his head : mommy is here, she didn't leave me, I'm not so scared anymore, she won't leave me.
They had a birthday party and he was so excited he kept trying to blow out the boy's candles. He was the only kid who couldn't sit still, and kept getting scolded by the other kids when he couldn't contain himself and ran to the cake. When the cake was finally cut, he was jumping around for a piece and took his bowl to the birthday table and sat there without preamble.
He had trouble feeding the cake to himself and started asking for help. All the teachers were busy so he finally found a way to cut the piece and feed himself without dropping any. He kept asking for more. Had 2 helpings! Hahaha.
He was very happy to leave, and screamed an enthusiastic "BYEBYEEEE TEACHERRRR!" to any adult he saw. That's good because at the previous kindy, he just mumbled it robotically, the way an abused wife would kiss the cheek of a husband who had just slapped her.
Again, very affectionate at home, but not tearful or clingy. He was happy to see me, and I told him I was happy to see him. He listened to me, he was responsive, he told me he wanted to poo poo without releasing any in his pants, he was playful ....
THIS is what it's supposed to feel like when they slowly learn to be independent. I do hope it continues to go well!
The pressure to treat him the way other kids are treated is immense, and I find myself doubting my instincts on a weekly basis. Usually when I'm exhausted, sick, there's a regression, or when people just don't understand the special care that's needed to raise a happy C1.
The most recent damaging advice received was that it's "ok to dump him in kindergarten and let him cry". That's how it's done with all the other kids.
Why the fuck did I listen? I knew he did not have the temperament for Ferberization, and kindergarten was NO exception.
When people give you seemingly simple advice on how to handle your high-need child, be sure to ask for a lot more details. Taking the kindy example :
If it's ok for him to cry, how LONG is it ok for him to cry?
I belatedly realised that most kids will cry for a few minutes when the parents leave, but they are easily distracted by the teachers and they STOP.When C1 had his kindy trauma, he was crying ALL FUCKING MORNING. From 8.30am till 12.00pm! It would stop for brief periods, then start again. That is NOT normal, and that is NOT ok. That's a sign that something's wrong, and you need to follow your instincts and not what some idiot told you.
Did you notice any change in his behaviour after starting kindy?
Lots of parents gloss over this VERY important point. They forget or they never notice the change in their kids after they're dumped unceremoniously in kindy.
Some kids learn to cope and adapt without much fuss. Some kids turn into total assholes, doing things they never did before as a way of acting out or expressing their feelings of abandonment. e.g. hitting, biting, wetting themselves even though they're potty trained.
I noticed the change in C1 immediately after his 1st day in the Trauma Kindy. He was withdrawn, didn't make much eye-contact, and had trouble controlling his bladder. I knew this meant trouble but I stuck it out for another 3 days, during which his behaviour got worse (wouldn't let me out of his sight, even in the house) and even his sleep was affected.
In this new kindy (Nakorn Sari), I'm happy to say that I've left him on his own twice now. I've been staying with him throughout class for a month (exhausted till I fell sick) and felt that it was time to start leaving him on his own. Especially since he seemed comfortable letting me out of his sight for long periods of time as he was absorbed in their activities.
The first time, he did cry, with big rolling tears. But I had prepared him for this moment, and assured him that I would be back at 12pm to pick him up. And I would never leave him without saying bye first (my rookie mistake at Trauma Kindy). He's used to this cue because he's learned to wait for Papa to come home from work at 7pm, so I decided it was the best way to go for him.
The teachers told me he cried till his body shook at first, but for the most part he was ok because they kept distracting him with things to do. Glad I chose the holiday programme to do this, as he loves the arts and crafts.
I was more interested in his behaviour when I came to pick him up.
I showed that I was happy to see him, but not "OMGMYPOORBABYCOMEISAVEYOUNOW!". That was good advice from the kindy owner Nancy Simon - she said when he comes to you, you must be assuring but non-challant, like "Hey, there. Wassup baby?". This allows him to pick up cues from you that this is not a scary place, because mommy is not scared for me or worried for me.
So, I'm glad to say that he was happy to see me, but he wasn't desperate to run away from the teachers or about to burst into tears. He also said the teachers were very nice to him, but I'm not sure if he was just echoing what I said. He did say he liked them. He didn't like the teacher in Trauma Kindy.
For the rest of the day, he also was very cheerful and talkative, and MORE independent than usual (feeding himself, getting out of the car etc....). He was very loving and affectionate, but NOT clingy.
That was a great sign.
Today is the second time he's been left there. LOTS of tears and wailing, and I could barely bring myself to leave. But I had to be strong, because I'd started already and I had to be consistent if I wanted him to learn to be independent in kindy, and trust his teachers to see to his needs.
I hid with Condor 2 till I saw he was distracted by the cars outside, and he stopped wailing. Then, with a heavy heart, I left.
When I came back, the poor fella had just finished 2 bowls of fried rice, and was shuffling his feet slowly and despondently on the floor mats. Again he was happy to see me and hugged me, but didn't look like he was holding in a flood of tears.
I pointed out that I was here at 12pm, as promised. He looked at the clock on the wall and declared with a smile, "The hand point at 12 o'clock!" You could see the thoughts in his head : mommy is here, she didn't leave me, I'm not so scared anymore, she won't leave me.
They had a birthday party and he was so excited he kept trying to blow out the boy's candles. He was the only kid who couldn't sit still, and kept getting scolded by the other kids when he couldn't contain himself and ran to the cake. When the cake was finally cut, he was jumping around for a piece and took his bowl to the birthday table and sat there without preamble.
He had trouble feeding the cake to himself and started asking for help. All the teachers were busy so he finally found a way to cut the piece and feed himself without dropping any. He kept asking for more. Had 2 helpings! Hahaha.
He was very happy to leave, and screamed an enthusiastic "BYEBYEEEE TEACHERRRR!" to any adult he saw. That's good because at the previous kindy, he just mumbled it robotically, the way an abused wife would kiss the cheek of a husband who had just slapped her.
Again, very affectionate at home, but not tearful or clingy. He was happy to see me, and I told him I was happy to see him. He listened to me, he was responsive, he told me he wanted to poo poo without releasing any in his pants, he was playful ....
THIS is what it's supposed to feel like when they slowly learn to be independent. I do hope it continues to go well!
Friday, 27 July 2012
Condor 1's Amazing Self Control
He did an impressive thing last week.
His cousin rammed him with the toy car while Condor 1 was playing by himself on the floor. It was painful, and obviously the hit was a shock to him since he didn't see it coming. So his instinctual reaction was to raise his hand angrily to hit his cousin.
His cousin rammed him with the toy car while Condor 1 was playing by himself on the floor. It was painful, and obviously the hit was a shock to him since he didn't see it coming. So his instinctual reaction was to raise his hand angrily to hit his cousin.
But he stopped his own hand in
midair, the little hand shaking a bit from the internal war, and kept saying to himself
through gritted teeth : "Cannot ... hit ... Ethan"
That amount of self control for a toddler is BLOODY amazing.
So damn proud.
That amount of self control for a toddler is BLOODY amazing.
So damn proud.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Milestones Update - Part 1
CONDOR 2 MILESTONES
27 Jan 2012 - 1st word. Hello29 Jan 2012 - stood on his own
9 Feb 2012 - 1st time slept in own room. C1's room. Major hard shit n constipation. Started eating rice.
10 Feb 2012 - 2 more bottom teeth erupted. Can eat rice. Prefers adult food to porridge or cereal. Loves chicken.
13 Feb 2012 - Ate scoop of choc ice cream. Loved it.
8 Mar 2012 - 1st steps. Took 4 steps crossing from activity table to couch.
29 Mar 2012 - walking steadily n dramatically for 1st time in in laws' hse. Holding small
book. Recovering from cough n fever. Only got sick about 3 times in his life so far.
12 Apr 2012 - can move from sit to stand without pulling up on furniture. Hands on floor, straightens legs, then raises trunk.
16 Apr 2012 - can get up from squat to stand without any support. No hands on floor.
21 May 2012 - transitioned to 1 nap a day. About 2 hours. Instead of 1.5 to 2 hrs in morning and 1 hour in afternoon.
26 May 2012 - 4 top molars and canines erupting. Can see bottom molars under swollen gums. Not sleeping well at all at night. Wakes crying.
5 June 2012 - last few weeks, wakes often. Even at naptime. Only sleeps 1 hour per nap now. Hard to calm when wake at night. Screams. Killing me with sleep deprivation. Today ate like a horse!
6 Jul 2012 - told me 'poo poo' n when i put him on toilet n made mm mm sounds, he strained n let out a load. So excited! Never repeated it again though, just like C1. He can still tell me he's about to 'poo poo' or has already gone though, but confuses actual poo with farting. So cute.
July 2012 - Has a "lovie". My breastpads. Loves to smell them for comfort. He knows what they are and keeps asking for his "Nen-nen" when it's bedtime. Will stick his hand down my shirt to grab it roughly if I don't give it in time. Sewed a used but cleaned one to C1's unused toy blankie (which C2 also rejected) and now he loves it. The old one I had sewed to it before didn't have my scent because it was machine washed, which is why he rejected it last time. Hugs it to sleep and sometimes when he wakes from his sleep, he will take a whiff and go back to sleep! OMG.
July 2012 - Can say "Mommy" very clearly. Started with him imitating am ambulance going "mee moh mee moh" so I kept encouraging him to say "Maaaa-meeee" and after a couple of weeks of irregular attempts, he started going, "Mah-meee" pausing between each syllable. Now it's a full on "Mommy!" and I sometimes can't tell if C2 or C1 is calling me. He confuses "Papa" and "Mommy" though, often referring to both of us with the same name.
July 2012 - Very violent when angry (take a toy away, end of shower etc...) and arches back and swings head or beats me or throws the nearest object. I suspect he's imitating me because I've been very moody the last few months. So I've tried being more nurturing and caring, even when he's beating me or headbutting me, and it's brought down some of the intensity, but still quite a ways to go.
CONDOR 2 MILESTONES
31 Dec 2011 - said 'i love you' unprompted for the 1st time. To papa.
24 Jan 2012 - pooed in potty by himself
April 2012 - takes 2 hours or more to sleep at night. No matter what we do. Still wakes once at night. Falls asleep easily at nap time, though - 15 to 30min.
Early June 2012 - finally getting easier to put to sleep at night. About 1 hour. Moved bath time first, cup of milk after bath. Took a few weeks for schedule to take.
July 2012 - Fed himself without prompting, on his first day in Nakorn Sari. It was sausages. The another day, fried kuey teow. It was just a matter of ensuring he had the right size spoon (not the stupid Ikea one, but the metal teaspoon) and bowl (Nestle Breakfast Cereal melamine bowls!). He's pretty good at it too.
Thursday, 19 July 2012
It's Bloody Hard. Stop Beating Myself Up
I'm angry all the time. Ever since I've been alone at home with them 100%, it's the emotion I feel 99% of the time. I feel so guilty because I should be appreciating the beauty of parenthood and the cute little things they do and say. But I just feel angry and resentful. All. The. Time.
Think. Think. Why is this?
It's because I know several supermoms who've raised 2 kids all on their own, without grandparental help or maids. They did the laundry, housework, cooked creative and nutritious meals for the family (one of them even bakes bread daily, from scratch!) ... and their 2 kids are all grown, relatively well-behaved and ALIVE!! They also still love mommy very much, so I assume they're doing a bang up job of it.
I've always prided myself as a capable person. More than capable. So why can't I do this with more dignity and grace?!! My kids are gonna grow up hating me. All this pressure I'm putting on myself isn't helping. It just makes me angrier!
Calm down. Calm down. Think. Is it really a fair comparison?
This is hard for even the supermoms, but I also have to keep reminding myself that things really are harder for me at the moment because :
This is a major one.
Both of mine still need me to either cuddle or bounce them to sleep, and obviously once they awaken in the middle of the night or afternoon nap, they can't go back to sleep without my help (although Condor 2 is slowly learning with his "breastpad blankie" - thank GOD!). Obviously this is a losgitical nightmare when Condor 2 still needed 2 naps a day and none of them coincided with Condor 1's nap timing.
And when both would wake from their naps at the same time, I would just sit there crying because I knew it was impossible to soothe both to sleep again (they are stimulated by each other's presence and want to play), and everything I had planned to finish doing was now going to remain undone.
This is partly my fault for practicing Attachment Parenting, and partly C1 for being a high-need baby so sleep training was just not possible with him.
So, at least 2 hours each day are spent putting the kids to sleep, or back to sleep. Time which could have been spent finishing up on cleaning, general house admin or cooking - if only I could just lock them in their room and let them fall asleep on their own.
They also don't sleep through the night. Both of them.. Yes, even 3-year old C1. Essentially I have been sleep-deprived and fucking grumpy for more than 3 fucking years.
I blamed myself at first till I remembered how C1 wouldn't even hold food, much less put it in his mouth when he was a toddler. I never saw him use his pincer grasp till he was almost 2 years old!!
I've recently discovered in kindergarten he's quite able to do it, but at home, he just doesn't want to. I have to cajole and force, and it just takes too much effort. Plus, he makes a mess, stains his clothes and never eats enough. So feed him I must. :(
C2, on the other hand, has been feeding himself quite well, if it's finger food like chicken. I can start him on spoons soon, if I have the energy. At least that will be one less child to worry about at mealtimes.
They use dryers for wet laundry, which is a huge time-saver compared to me having to wait for naptime before I can hang the clothes, take them in again if there's rain or the threat of it, then take them out again when the sun comes out, then check to see what's dry then take those in, and hang the still wet ones under the awning.
The Hubbie is more helpful than most, and I'm lucky he's so willing to help with the chores and take charge of C1 once he's back from a full day at work. He's very involved with the kids and their lives, always trying to find little ways to make my day better and cheer me up (e.g. taking us out for food on the weekend, ordering me the occasional margarita, fetching me a Coke) and it feels great to have such a strong partner who's got my back.
But somehow this just makes me feel worse because I shouldn't even be feeling stressed or angry if I have this much help. Sigh.
Yeah, I do it after the kids have been put to bed.
Yeah, it doesn't take up a huge chunk of time unless there's some major issue (and then it takes up a HUGE chunk of my night) or a particularly stupid, childish bitch is in charge of a project. But that's still time that I should be spending winding down, or doing chores I had not gotten to yet, or just relaxing after a hard day with a nice book or movie on the computer.
Plus, it's a job that's counter to my personality - dealing with customer complaints. Thank God I don't have to contact customers directly, just respond to their social media comments. But people on the internet are real childish assholes because of the anonymity of the medium, and they try with all their might to bait a reaction that they can share with the world. Taking in all that negativity right before bed really sucks and it will affect my equanimity and sleep.
What's more, this one still can't be dropped off at Kindy because every major change like this is met with great resistance, soiled pants, sleepless nights, lots of tantrums and sometimes cognitive or behavioral regression. I have to be with him the whole time (with C2 in tow) which means NOTHING in the house can be done in the morning, nor in the afternoon because I am just so damn knackered.
Toilet training was such a nightmare, I'm still trying to block the pain of it out. At least now he can tell me he wants to poo, though he still routinely spots his underwear with wee. Better than flooding the floor like last time.
I had to learn when I had C1, and it's been a stressful and scary process because I don't like ruining and wasting food. I'm no domestic goddess that can whip things up at a moment's notice. And I'm constantly worried I'm going to give them food poisoning, or stunt their growth with my lack of nutritious creativity. Gotta keep working at it.
Yeah, I could leave the place dirty for awhile, but more than a week goes by without a vacuum or mop, you can draw portraits in the dust and The Husband gets coughing and sneezing spells because he's allergic. Also .... read the next point.
Then there's the lizards, ants and cockroaches (luckily not so much of these anymore) who are attracted by an unmopped floor that has drops of spilled soup / food from kids struggling at mealtime. Even when the fucking floor is clean the damn lizards carpet bomb my floor, tables and kids' toys with their fucking shit. I hate them so damn much. Why are there so many of them?! They crawl over EVERY fucking thing in the house!
Then there's the fucking magpies who've decided to make nests outside the kids' room so they wake them with their loud chirping, and carpet bomb our cars with their shit even though the cars are in the damn porch!!
Then there are the bees and the wasps who keep trying to build a nest on my clothesline, or within my laundry area. So hanging clothes are usually a hazard.
Then there's the fucking mozzies. I can never bring the kids out to the garden or to the playground because there are mozzies everywhere. I'm always under house arrest.
Then there's the neighbour's fucking dog who barks (at nothing!!) for extended periods of time, and usually at the times of day that my kids are sleeping. It's bark is so damn loud it's like it's standing outside my kid's window!! The neighbour has received many complaints already, not just from me, but they are deaf and don't seem to give a shit. I really hope they get raped by rabid goats, then by their own stupid dog.
Then now there are all those robberies and muggings and kidnappings in the parking lots of popular malls! I can't even go out during the weekdays anymore for fear of my kids' safety. I'm so sick of staying at home. I feel like a goddamn prisoner!! What the hell is wrong with this damn country?!
--------------------------------------------------------
Ok, I meant to end this on an optimistic and positive note, but it's just turned into a long whine and rant. Sigh.
I just have to stop beating myself up when an extra ball gets thrown into the bunch I'm already juggling. Like right now, I'm down with cough and cold, and C2 is recovering from a high fever. I'm still very tired.
I'm human. Give myself a break. Don't expect so much of myself. Take it one sticky step at a time!!!
Think. Think. Why is this?
It's because I know several supermoms who've raised 2 kids all on their own, without grandparental help or maids. They did the laundry, housework, cooked creative and nutritious meals for the family (one of them even bakes bread daily, from scratch!) ... and their 2 kids are all grown, relatively well-behaved and ALIVE!! They also still love mommy very much, so I assume they're doing a bang up job of it.
I've always prided myself as a capable person. More than capable. So why can't I do this with more dignity and grace?!! My kids are gonna grow up hating me. All this pressure I'm putting on myself isn't helping. It just makes me angrier!
Calm down. Calm down. Think. Is it really a fair comparison?
This is hard for even the supermoms, but I also have to keep reminding myself that things really are harder for me at the moment because :
1. My kids can't put themselves to sleep. The other kids can.
This is a major one.
Both of mine still need me to either cuddle or bounce them to sleep, and obviously once they awaken in the middle of the night or afternoon nap, they can't go back to sleep without my help (although Condor 2 is slowly learning with his "breastpad blankie" - thank GOD!). Obviously this is a losgitical nightmare when Condor 2 still needed 2 naps a day and none of them coincided with Condor 1's nap timing.
And when both would wake from their naps at the same time, I would just sit there crying because I knew it was impossible to soothe both to sleep again (they are stimulated by each other's presence and want to play), and everything I had planned to finish doing was now going to remain undone.
This is partly my fault for practicing Attachment Parenting, and partly C1 for being a high-need baby so sleep training was just not possible with him.
So, at least 2 hours each day are spent putting the kids to sleep, or back to sleep. Time which could have been spent finishing up on cleaning, general house admin or cooking - if only I could just lock them in their room and let them fall asleep on their own.
They also don't sleep through the night. Both of them.. Yes, even 3-year old C1. Essentially I have been sleep-deprived and fucking grumpy for more than 3 fucking years.
2. My 3-year old refuses to feed himself
Not only do I have to cook, I have to process the food after cooking to make sure the kids can chew it (e.g. carrots must be squished, or they are just swallowed and come out whole when they lau sai), and then I have to FEED it to them. When do I get the time to cook for myself, or eat it?I blamed myself at first till I remembered how C1 wouldn't even hold food, much less put it in his mouth when he was a toddler. I never saw him use his pincer grasp till he was almost 2 years old!!
I've recently discovered in kindergarten he's quite able to do it, but at home, he just doesn't want to. I have to cajole and force, and it just takes too much effort. Plus, he makes a mess, stains his clothes and never eats enough. So feed him I must. :(
C2, on the other hand, has been feeding himself quite well, if it's finger food like chicken. I can start him on spoons soon, if I have the energy. At least that will be one less child to worry about at mealtimes.
3. Supermoms DO have help.
They have part-time cleaners that come in once a week. Professional cleaners for the harder places like the windows outside the house. I've been trying to do all the cleaning on my own, whenever the kids are asleep, instead of taking some time out for myself to rest.They use dryers for wet laundry, which is a huge time-saver compared to me having to wait for naptime before I can hang the clothes, take them in again if there's rain or the threat of it, then take them out again when the sun comes out, then check to see what's dry then take those in, and hang the still wet ones under the awning.
4. I DO have help.
Since mom has been overseas for the past 3 months, I've been trying too hard to go it alone in preparation of my future lifestyle. My MIL has been kind enough to let me send C1 over a few times a week so I can at least get my chores done, and she does offer the help of one of her maids with my cleaning (but I just don't feel comfortable with this one).The Hubbie is more helpful than most, and I'm lucky he's so willing to help with the chores and take charge of C1 once he's back from a full day at work. He's very involved with the kids and their lives, always trying to find little ways to make my day better and cheer me up (e.g. taking us out for food on the weekend, ordering me the occasional margarita, fetching me a Coke) and it feels great to have such a strong partner who's got my back.
But somehow this just makes me feel worse because I shouldn't even be feeling stressed or angry if I have this much help. Sigh.
5. I have a part-time job, on top of my full-time one (the kids)
Yeah, I do it from the comfort of home, on my computer.Yeah, I do it after the kids have been put to bed.
Yeah, it doesn't take up a huge chunk of time unless there's some major issue (and then it takes up a HUGE chunk of my night) or a particularly stupid, childish bitch is in charge of a project. But that's still time that I should be spending winding down, or doing chores I had not gotten to yet, or just relaxing after a hard day with a nice book or movie on the computer.
Plus, it's a job that's counter to my personality - dealing with customer complaints. Thank God I don't have to contact customers directly, just respond to their social media comments. But people on the internet are real childish assholes because of the anonymity of the medium, and they try with all their might to bait a reaction that they can share with the world. Taking in all that negativity right before bed really sucks and it will affect my equanimity and sleep.
6. I have a High-Need kid
One of them is like having 2 or more kids. So, at best, I'm actually dealing with 3 kids ... At worst, it feels like I have 10. From the forums I've been reading, one high-need kid can sometimes be enough to destroy a marriage, because they just take so much out of you.What's more, this one still can't be dropped off at Kindy because every major change like this is met with great resistance, soiled pants, sleepless nights, lots of tantrums and sometimes cognitive or behavioral regression. I have to be with him the whole time (with C2 in tow) which means NOTHING in the house can be done in the morning, nor in the afternoon because I am just so damn knackered.
Toilet training was such a nightmare, I'm still trying to block the pain of it out. At least now he can tell me he wants to poo, though he still routinely spots his underwear with wee. Better than flooding the floor like last time.
7. I can't cook for shit
My time alone in Australia & Penang was full of unhealthy sausage-filling-and-potato casseroles, microwave dinners, meat pies (yum), instant pasta and eating char kuey teow in a hawker centre. Not the best diet to feed a growing family.I had to learn when I had C1, and it's been a stressful and scary process because I don't like ruining and wasting food. I'm no domestic goddess that can whip things up at a moment's notice. And I'm constantly worried I'm going to give them food poisoning, or stunt their growth with my lack of nutritious creativity. Gotta keep working at it.
8. The house is too damn big
There's just too damn much surface area to get dirty and to have to clean. When we get our own place, I want a small single-level place with 3-bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.Yeah, I could leave the place dirty for awhile, but more than a week goes by without a vacuum or mop, you can draw portraits in the dust and The Husband gets coughing and sneezing spells because he's allergic. Also .... read the next point.
9. The bloody Fauna
Week-old dust attracts invisible creatures that bite the kids at night, the bites can sometimes be so bad they interrupt sleep (theirs, and ours) and leave scars. No, they're not bed bugs. I don't know what the fuck they are. No, it's not psychosomatic!!Then there's the lizards, ants and cockroaches (luckily not so much of these anymore) who are attracted by an unmopped floor that has drops of spilled soup / food from kids struggling at mealtime. Even when the fucking floor is clean the damn lizards carpet bomb my floor, tables and kids' toys with their fucking shit. I hate them so damn much. Why are there so many of them?! They crawl over EVERY fucking thing in the house!
Then there's the fucking magpies who've decided to make nests outside the kids' room so they wake them with their loud chirping, and carpet bomb our cars with their shit even though the cars are in the damn porch!!
Then there are the bees and the wasps who keep trying to build a nest on my clothesline, or within my laundry area. So hanging clothes are usually a hazard.
Then there's the fucking mozzies. I can never bring the kids out to the garden or to the playground because there are mozzies everywhere. I'm always under house arrest.
Then there's the neighbour's fucking dog who barks (at nothing!!) for extended periods of time, and usually at the times of day that my kids are sleeping. It's bark is so damn loud it's like it's standing outside my kid's window!! The neighbour has received many complaints already, not just from me, but they are deaf and don't seem to give a shit. I really hope they get raped by rabid goats, then by their own stupid dog.
Then now there are all those robberies and muggings and kidnappings in the parking lots of popular malls! I can't even go out during the weekdays anymore for fear of my kids' safety. I'm so sick of staying at home. I feel like a goddamn prisoner!! What the hell is wrong with this damn country?!
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Ok, I meant to end this on an optimistic and positive note, but it's just turned into a long whine and rant. Sigh.
I just have to stop beating myself up when an extra ball gets thrown into the bunch I'm already juggling. Like right now, I'm down with cough and cold, and C2 is recovering from a high fever. I'm still very tired.
I'm human. Give myself a break. Don't expect so much of myself. Take it one sticky step at a time!!!
Thursday, 5 July 2012
High-Need Child, Exhausted Parents
I really thought I'd be able to send James to kindy soon. I really did. I was so looking forward to it. All those exhausting months of toilet-training, just to get him ready.
But now, it's like I'm toilet training him again. All the angst, and worry and stress. One step forward, 2 steps back. Why can't he just go to kindy like the other kids? Why why why? Why do I have to take so many more precautions and prepare so much more than other parents? Why why why?
Because he's a high-needs child. It started from my majorly fucked up vomiting pregnancy where no one understood and I suffered alone (except for my husband) and had no support, only criticism and judgement. Guess the pregnancy was preparing me for the isolation of being a parent to a high-needs child.
I just want to break down and cry. Just when I thought I could have a few hours of peace in a day (to do chores, mind you, not even to read a book or whatever), it's snatched away from me thanks to Kindergarten Trauma.
Now he's had a look at Nakornsari, and it seemed to go pretty well since he loved all the toys there. He liked the place. He said he wanted to come back.
Then I checked with him again in the evening, and he said he didn't want to go anymore. Maybe I shouldn't have left him at my MIL's. He was being very sticky today.
I wish I understood what was going through his head. I don't know what to do. Every time I think I have a handle on him, he changes things around and I'm left surfing the net late into the night to find out what went wrong.
And the sleep. OMG. Why can't you just sleep like the other kids? Still not sleeping through the night, but that's not so bad since he will sleep if daddy's next to him.
Establish a routine? BAH! What routine?! Things that worked 6 months before don't work anymore. It keeps changing. We keep having to figure out new ways to calm him to sleep. Returning to the old routine is like the adage "Insanity is doing the same thing again and again but expecting a different result".
I can't even finish this post because he's just woken up again, crying for some mythical train even though he's already holding them. Oh please God. Give me back my sanity....
But now, it's like I'm toilet training him again. All the angst, and worry and stress. One step forward, 2 steps back. Why can't he just go to kindy like the other kids? Why why why? Why do I have to take so many more precautions and prepare so much more than other parents? Why why why?
Because he's a high-needs child. It started from my majorly fucked up vomiting pregnancy where no one understood and I suffered alone (except for my husband) and had no support, only criticism and judgement. Guess the pregnancy was preparing me for the isolation of being a parent to a high-needs child.
I just want to break down and cry. Just when I thought I could have a few hours of peace in a day (to do chores, mind you, not even to read a book or whatever), it's snatched away from me thanks to Kindergarten Trauma.
Now he's had a look at Nakornsari, and it seemed to go pretty well since he loved all the toys there. He liked the place. He said he wanted to come back.
Then I checked with him again in the evening, and he said he didn't want to go anymore. Maybe I shouldn't have left him at my MIL's. He was being very sticky today.
I wish I understood what was going through his head. I don't know what to do. Every time I think I have a handle on him, he changes things around and I'm left surfing the net late into the night to find out what went wrong.
And the sleep. OMG. Why can't you just sleep like the other kids? Still not sleeping through the night, but that's not so bad since he will sleep if daddy's next to him.
Establish a routine? BAH! What routine?! Things that worked 6 months before don't work anymore. It keeps changing. We keep having to figure out new ways to calm him to sleep. Returning to the old routine is like the adage "Insanity is doing the same thing again and again but expecting a different result".
I can't even finish this post because he's just woken up again, crying for some mythical train even though he's already holding them. Oh please God. Give me back my sanity....
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Joshua's Vocabulary
The little fella is progressing a lot faster than I'm used to. He's 16.5 months now. He's lucky he's got an older brother to imitate.
So far these are the things he can say, that I can remember :
- What's this? (wah-gis?)
- Who's this? (who-gis?) : Surprisingly accurate usage when pointing at another human.
- Dog (dukkh) : Used to describe dogs, horses or any other animal or living creature.
- Cat (kaah - meeeww mewww) : For cats
- Apple (ehh-puhh) : For apples, oranges and other inanimate objects.
- Banana (na-na) : For bananas
- Moon (moo) : For the moon
- Ducky (dah-kiii) : For his rubber ducky
- Car (kaah-kaah) : For cars
- Soup (thoop) : For soup
- Aeroplane (ehh-pohhh) : For airplanes and helicopters
- Ball (bohhhh) : For balls
- Eyes (ai-ai) : For the eyes
- Nose (noooo) : For the nose
- Ta-dah (tah-tahhh) : To demonstrate his awesomeness when he's accomplished something. Not often.
- Kiss ( * makes kissing sound * )
- Fish (gihh) : For the fighting fish
- One Two Three (wahh-tooo-teeee)
- Up (up-up-up) : For getting out of his high chair
- Kick (kikhh) : For actually pretending to kick something, or kick a ball
- Goal (gohhhhhllllll) : Usually shouts this in reference to anything he does to a ball. Goal or not.
- Papa : For papa
- Tata : For tata
- Neneh : For neneh
- Ahma : For ahma
- Nen-Nen : For milk or my breastpads, or sometimes water
- Poo-poo : Usually said after he has done the deed, or in reference to the toilet
- Kai-kai : For outings in the car
- Choo-choo : For trains. He recognises the word "train" but will always respond with a "choo-choo".
- Pampers (pam-puhhh) : For his diapers
- Mam-mam : For food, but he hardly uses this one.
- Penis (pihhh-ni) : For his penis. But he only tried to say this a few times, and got shy.
- Oh no (oh-nuuuuu) : When things fall on the floor
- No (nuu-nuu-nuuu) : When scolding himself. Sometimes only.
- Hot (hahh-hahh) : When touching or eating anything hot or warm. He follows this with a jerky hand gesture, which was the sign language I tried to teach him before I got lazy. So cute.
- Cold (koh-koh) : When touching my glass of Coke. Starting to use it more accurately for other cold things.
 |
| "Pimp daddy in da house, yo" |
So far these are the things he can say, that I can remember :
- What's this? (wah-gis?)
- Who's this? (who-gis?) : Surprisingly accurate usage when pointing at another human.
- Dog (dukkh) : Used to describe dogs, horses or any other animal or living creature.
- Cat (kaah - meeeww mewww) : For cats
- Apple (ehh-puhh) : For apples, oranges and other inanimate objects.
- Banana (na-na) : For bananas
- Moon (moo) : For the moon
- Ducky (dah-kiii) : For his rubber ducky
- Car (kaah-kaah) : For cars
- Soup (thoop) : For soup
- Aeroplane (ehh-pohhh) : For airplanes and helicopters
- Ball (bohhhh) : For balls
- Eyes (ai-ai) : For the eyes
- Nose (noooo) : For the nose
- Ta-dah (tah-tahhh) : To demonstrate his awesomeness when he's accomplished something. Not often.
- Kiss ( * makes kissing sound * )
- Fish (gihh) : For the fighting fish
- One Two Three (wahh-tooo-teeee)
- Up (up-up-up) : For getting out of his high chair
- Kick (kikhh) : For actually pretending to kick something, or kick a ball
- Goal (gohhhhhllllll) : Usually shouts this in reference to anything he does to a ball. Goal or not.
- Papa : For papa
- Tata : For tata
- Neneh : For neneh
- Ahma : For ahma
- Nen-Nen : For milk or my breastpads, or sometimes water
- Poo-poo : Usually said after he has done the deed, or in reference to the toilet
- Kai-kai : For outings in the car
- Choo-choo : For trains. He recognises the word "train" but will always respond with a "choo-choo".
- Pampers (pam-puhhh) : For his diapers
- Mam-mam : For food, but he hardly uses this one.
- Penis (pihhh-ni) : For his penis. But he only tried to say this a few times, and got shy.
- Oh no (oh-nuuuuu) : When things fall on the floor
- No (nuu-nuu-nuuu) : When scolding himself. Sometimes only.
- Hot (hahh-hahh) : When touching or eating anything hot or warm. He follows this with a jerky hand gesture, which was the sign language I tried to teach him before I got lazy. So cute.
- Cold (koh-koh) : When touching my glass of Coke. Starting to use it more accurately for other cold things.
Friday, 15 June 2012
Kindergarten Trauma
We sent James to Tadika Diyana on 11 June, the first day of school, and his first day in school EVER. Chris took leave so we could experience this big moment together, and were prepared to stay there the whole session in case he was sticky. Knowing my son, I knew he'd be fine because of the novelty of the class. It would be the next week that he'd be REALLY sticky.
I was right. He ran into class without a backward glance, while we stood outside wringing our hands and wondered why we were more anxious than him. Even when he came out to go to another class, he saw us and looked away, more interested in where he was going than running to us.
We went home, shoulders slumped, feeling scared and depressed at leaving him there on his own. Would he be ok on his own? Would the teacher understand his needs and not push too hard? Would he be able to escape if a gunman got through security? All these worries and feelings. We cried on the way home. Stupid.
We went early to pick him and he looked frowny and upset, and couldn't wait to jump into Papa's arms. We thought it was normal separation anxiety. (PS : Joshua didn't give a shit that we were gone and happily stayed in the Neneh's house, like he'd been living there all the while)
2nd DAY
I went early so I could talk to the teacher and explain James' sensitivity, and how his development had halted when I went back to work, and only when I stopped work to have Joshua could I spend the time to SLOWLY and PAINFULLY bring him out of his shell again. I told her to be very patient with him. She was barely listening and attributed it to 1st time kindy blues. I was really pissed at her apathy, because I worked really hard to bring James to where he was, and a uncaring teacher could just screw it all up and leave me to pick up the pieces --- again!!!
He still seemed very teary and upset when I came to pick him. Teacher seemed annoyed he couldn't really feed himself (he's 3, come on!) and couldn't hold his penis to pee standing (he always preferred to sit, in our house, because he doesn't want his hands to get dirty). I said that he prefers to sit, but she insisted that he had to pee standing up. He had refused to pee the whole day, it seems. An alarming sign because his potty training is the first thing to go when he's very upset. When I took him to the kindy toilet, I had to make sure the toilet was clear of pee before he would go - then a LOT came out. Can't believe he held it all in.
He spent the whole day being very withdrawn and quiet, the way he is when he's been scolded. Since we yelled at him last night (sleep deprivation) we tried to chalk it up to him being mad at us. He wouldn't say a word about kindy. I started having doubts already, as the teacher didn't seem very patient with him.
I spoke to the headmistress and she was a lot more understanding, and asked me to talk to the teacher again, this time after class. The HM recognised that James was a high-need child (I didn't have to tell her) - which made me feel better. Issue was, this teacher was leaving in 2 mths to get married. What hope could I have of getting her to care?!
3rd DAY
He was skipping to kindy, but screamed when I took him to his class. He refused to go. Luckily, the class had gone to the Hall, and I took him there instead. He was anxious. The teacher took him before I could say goodbye, and James kept looking for me, so I went to him to say a proper goodbye. He refused to let go of me, so I followed them to cooking class - thinking it was interesting enough for him to ignore me and I could move on. I told him I was making a phone call, and when I came back, he was whining for me. Teacher told me to go, or she will not be able to control him. I didn't feel good, because he was expecting me to come back and the betrayal would cause him to lose trust next time.
I came back early to sit outside the class, and heard him calling for mommy every 10 minutes. I was horrified. Was he doing this all morning? I peeked and he was sitting in the corner of the class, holding his bag, his back facing the kids. So heart-breaking. When he came out, his eyes were swollen and the area under his nose was red and raw from being rubbed all morning.
Teacher said she had a very hard time with him because he was crying for me the whole way, refused to pee, and wouldn't participate in class. I knew I should've said goodbye. She said he cried till his whole body shook, which scared her. I told her he does that when he's VERY upset, and that's why I needed her to be patient. She listened this time.
Later James told me the teacher was angry at him because he kept crying for mommy. He woke from his nap halfway, crying for mommy, inconsolable, and it was hard to calm him back to sleep. He stuck to me like a leech the whole day, so afraid I would leave him again.
4th DAY
Again, he screamed when he neared the class, and pulled away screaming when he saw the teacher. She didn't help matters by looking impatiently at him, instead of smiling encouragingly. I went in with him, and he was ok. When he was sure I wasn't leaving, he was more willing to join the other kids in play. He still did his own thing, never really following the rest of the class unless it was something which interested him. I dunno what to do about this.
I found his fear of the toilet was because it was a waterfall-wall style, which he's never seen or used before, especially since he's been scared of public toilets due to the hand dryer. All the other boys could pull down their own pants and hold their own penises to go. The teacher expected James to do that too!
I had to help him get used to the toilet first, so I held his penis for him. He was terrified, but I made a game of it - hit the waterfall with his water gun. He finally let loose and enjoyed seeing his pee mix with the water and flow down. The next few times, he still wouldn't hold his own penis, but at least he was peeing.
He was happy to join the kids sitting down for snacks, drinking his own drink and eating bread on his own - though he didn't finish either. No adults helped anyone to eat. I'm not comfortable with this. I met another mom who had been there all week, and her son wouldn't let go of her hand to mix with the kids at all.
I saw what they taught in class, and felt it was too academic for James' age. I still wanted him to develop his life skills (eating, peeing, socialising) before getting him to learn how to write alphabets.
It was an exhausting morning of trying to get him to listen to teacher, hide from him or sneak out the door. He would yell whenever he noticed I was gone and insisted I be in the classroom, not just visible thru the window outside. He also got hit by this violent kid in class who was hitting everyone and he wailed, never retaliating, unlike the girls who actually hit back!
WTF IS HAPPENING?!?!
Finally, class was over and I was looking forward to getting some water and food. I turned on the aircond to cool the car (hot day) and put James in his seat. Then I noticed a lot of foot traffic behind me. Given the spate of crimes where kids get jacked along with the cars, I closed my door and locked it - which locked all the other doors. I reminded myself to unlock it before I closed James' door, but because he was whining, I got distracted and due to physical memory, the minute I buckled him into his seat --- I SHUT THE DOOR!!!! The second the door left my hand I realised my mistake.
Coolly, I used the remote. But it wouldn't open the doors while the engine was running! Now I started panicking. MY BABY WAS LOCKED INSIDE!!!
I called Chris several times but he kept hanging up cuz he was in an important meeting. I had to call Caryn to get him, and finally could tell him to get the spare key for me and that James has oxygen since the engine is running.
I started banging on the window to get James to lift the lock. People came to help, but a Malay man pointed out they were freaking James out by peering in like that. James was starting to get upset, especially since I alternated between calmly instructing him to open the door and hysterical/angry panic. Someone got the nearby mechanics to try and lift the lock, but it was a Honda, not a Proton. Plus they kept looking at James, and he started to get hysterical - he told me later they scared him.
I spent almost an hour cajoling James to open the lock, but he just couldn't. He was so upset he was banging his head against the window or kicking it, trying to get me in. I had to yell at him to stop. He was so upset he got his shoe tangled in his foot and didn't have the presence of mind to undo it - he impossibly tried to yank it off.
I contemplated smashing the window, but it didn't make sense because James had oxygen and was a lot more comfortable than I was, Chris was on the way, AND I had security tint.
Chris passed me the key, and I was so fucking relieved the car had a keyhole. Definitely a criteria for our next car. Hugged a traumatised James and drove home. He was so exhausted from the ordeal he fell asleep before I got there and slept for 2.5 hours.
I spent the rest of the day agonising over whether to continue at Diyana or look for another more play-oriented kindy. I prayed hard.
After dinner, we're about to go home when Joshua poops. Reni takes him upstairs to change but ends up giving him a bath because she saw how tired I was and was being helpful. I happened to walk into the room JUST as she splashed some water into his tub, and he SCREECHED in pain. The hot day had turned the cold water into scalding water, and Josh got the brunt of it on his shoulders, chest, back and thigh!
It was all red and he was crying, and crying and crying, and I felt like I was about to fall apart.
I reeled myself in and told her to splash cold water on him. It was a few seconds before the cold water finally came in, and even then he just kept crying. Dad put lotion on him and assured us it would get better soon, as there were no blisters. Just 1st degree burns. We left him naked and I drove him home to put him to bed. Once home, he was ok and could wear PJ's.
I don't have the energy to take James to kindy tomorrow and leave Josh alone again. Plus, before bed, James told me he didn't like the teacher, and was very specific about which one, too.
FUCK. What a day. I guess God's trying to tell me not to go back to Diyana. At least he answered my prayers pretty quickly.
I was right. He ran into class without a backward glance, while we stood outside wringing our hands and wondered why we were more anxious than him. Even when he came out to go to another class, he saw us and looked away, more interested in where he was going than running to us.
We went home, shoulders slumped, feeling scared and depressed at leaving him there on his own. Would he be ok on his own? Would the teacher understand his needs and not push too hard? Would he be able to escape if a gunman got through security? All these worries and feelings. We cried on the way home. Stupid.
We went early to pick him and he looked frowny and upset, and couldn't wait to jump into Papa's arms. We thought it was normal separation anxiety. (PS : Joshua didn't give a shit that we were gone and happily stayed in the Neneh's house, like he'd been living there all the while)
2nd DAY
I went early so I could talk to the teacher and explain James' sensitivity, and how his development had halted when I went back to work, and only when I stopped work to have Joshua could I spend the time to SLOWLY and PAINFULLY bring him out of his shell again. I told her to be very patient with him. She was barely listening and attributed it to 1st time kindy blues. I was really pissed at her apathy, because I worked really hard to bring James to where he was, and a uncaring teacher could just screw it all up and leave me to pick up the pieces --- again!!!
He still seemed very teary and upset when I came to pick him. Teacher seemed annoyed he couldn't really feed himself (he's 3, come on!) and couldn't hold his penis to pee standing (he always preferred to sit, in our house, because he doesn't want his hands to get dirty). I said that he prefers to sit, but she insisted that he had to pee standing up. He had refused to pee the whole day, it seems. An alarming sign because his potty training is the first thing to go when he's very upset. When I took him to the kindy toilet, I had to make sure the toilet was clear of pee before he would go - then a LOT came out. Can't believe he held it all in.
He spent the whole day being very withdrawn and quiet, the way he is when he's been scolded. Since we yelled at him last night (sleep deprivation) we tried to chalk it up to him being mad at us. He wouldn't say a word about kindy. I started having doubts already, as the teacher didn't seem very patient with him.
I spoke to the headmistress and she was a lot more understanding, and asked me to talk to the teacher again, this time after class. The HM recognised that James was a high-need child (I didn't have to tell her) - which made me feel better. Issue was, this teacher was leaving in 2 mths to get married. What hope could I have of getting her to care?!
3rd DAY
He was skipping to kindy, but screamed when I took him to his class. He refused to go. Luckily, the class had gone to the Hall, and I took him there instead. He was anxious. The teacher took him before I could say goodbye, and James kept looking for me, so I went to him to say a proper goodbye. He refused to let go of me, so I followed them to cooking class - thinking it was interesting enough for him to ignore me and I could move on. I told him I was making a phone call, and when I came back, he was whining for me. Teacher told me to go, or she will not be able to control him. I didn't feel good, because he was expecting me to come back and the betrayal would cause him to lose trust next time.
I came back early to sit outside the class, and heard him calling for mommy every 10 minutes. I was horrified. Was he doing this all morning? I peeked and he was sitting in the corner of the class, holding his bag, his back facing the kids. So heart-breaking. When he came out, his eyes were swollen and the area under his nose was red and raw from being rubbed all morning.
 |
| Seriously. How the hell do you rub a kid's nose till it looks like this?! |
Teacher said she had a very hard time with him because he was crying for me the whole way, refused to pee, and wouldn't participate in class. I knew I should've said goodbye. She said he cried till his whole body shook, which scared her. I told her he does that when he's VERY upset, and that's why I needed her to be patient. She listened this time.
Later James told me the teacher was angry at him because he kept crying for mommy. He woke from his nap halfway, crying for mommy, inconsolable, and it was hard to calm him back to sleep. He stuck to me like a leech the whole day, so afraid I would leave him again.
4th DAY
Again, he screamed when he neared the class, and pulled away screaming when he saw the teacher. She didn't help matters by looking impatiently at him, instead of smiling encouragingly. I went in with him, and he was ok. When he was sure I wasn't leaving, he was more willing to join the other kids in play. He still did his own thing, never really following the rest of the class unless it was something which interested him. I dunno what to do about this.
I found his fear of the toilet was because it was a waterfall-wall style, which he's never seen or used before, especially since he's been scared of public toilets due to the hand dryer. All the other boys could pull down their own pants and hold their own penises to go. The teacher expected James to do that too!
I had to help him get used to the toilet first, so I held his penis for him. He was terrified, but I made a game of it - hit the waterfall with his water gun. He finally let loose and enjoyed seeing his pee mix with the water and flow down. The next few times, he still wouldn't hold his own penis, but at least he was peeing.
He was happy to join the kids sitting down for snacks, drinking his own drink and eating bread on his own - though he didn't finish either. No adults helped anyone to eat. I'm not comfortable with this. I met another mom who had been there all week, and her son wouldn't let go of her hand to mix with the kids at all.
I saw what they taught in class, and felt it was too academic for James' age. I still wanted him to develop his life skills (eating, peeing, socialising) before getting him to learn how to write alphabets.
It was an exhausting morning of trying to get him to listen to teacher, hide from him or sneak out the door. He would yell whenever he noticed I was gone and insisted I be in the classroom, not just visible thru the window outside. He also got hit by this violent kid in class who was hitting everyone and he wailed, never retaliating, unlike the girls who actually hit back!
WTF IS HAPPENING?!?!
Finally, class was over and I was looking forward to getting some water and food. I turned on the aircond to cool the car (hot day) and put James in his seat. Then I noticed a lot of foot traffic behind me. Given the spate of crimes where kids get jacked along with the cars, I closed my door and locked it - which locked all the other doors. I reminded myself to unlock it before I closed James' door, but because he was whining, I got distracted and due to physical memory, the minute I buckled him into his seat --- I SHUT THE DOOR!!!! The second the door left my hand I realised my mistake.
Coolly, I used the remote. But it wouldn't open the doors while the engine was running! Now I started panicking. MY BABY WAS LOCKED INSIDE!!!
I called Chris several times but he kept hanging up cuz he was in an important meeting. I had to call Caryn to get him, and finally could tell him to get the spare key for me and that James has oxygen since the engine is running.
I started banging on the window to get James to lift the lock. People came to help, but a Malay man pointed out they were freaking James out by peering in like that. James was starting to get upset, especially since I alternated between calmly instructing him to open the door and hysterical/angry panic. Someone got the nearby mechanics to try and lift the lock, but it was a Honda, not a Proton. Plus they kept looking at James, and he started to get hysterical - he told me later they scared him.
I spent almost an hour cajoling James to open the lock, but he just couldn't. He was so upset he was banging his head against the window or kicking it, trying to get me in. I had to yell at him to stop. He was so upset he got his shoe tangled in his foot and didn't have the presence of mind to undo it - he impossibly tried to yank it off.
I contemplated smashing the window, but it didn't make sense because James had oxygen and was a lot more comfortable than I was, Chris was on the way, AND I had security tint.
Chris passed me the key, and I was so fucking relieved the car had a keyhole. Definitely a criteria for our next car. Hugged a traumatised James and drove home. He was so exhausted from the ordeal he fell asleep before I got there and slept for 2.5 hours.
I spent the rest of the day agonising over whether to continue at Diyana or look for another more play-oriented kindy. I prayed hard.
After dinner, we're about to go home when Joshua poops. Reni takes him upstairs to change but ends up giving him a bath because she saw how tired I was and was being helpful. I happened to walk into the room JUST as she splashed some water into his tub, and he SCREECHED in pain. The hot day had turned the cold water into scalding water, and Josh got the brunt of it on his shoulders, chest, back and thigh!
It was all red and he was crying, and crying and crying, and I felt like I was about to fall apart.
I reeled myself in and told her to splash cold water on him. It was a few seconds before the cold water finally came in, and even then he just kept crying. Dad put lotion on him and assured us it would get better soon, as there were no blisters. Just 1st degree burns. We left him naked and I drove him home to put him to bed. Once home, he was ok and could wear PJ's.
I don't have the energy to take James to kindy tomorrow and leave Josh alone again. Plus, before bed, James told me he didn't like the teacher, and was very specific about which one, too.
FUCK. What a day. I guess God's trying to tell me not to go back to Diyana. At least he answered my prayers pretty quickly.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Joshua repeats after the "house"
He was playing with his "house" in the car as usual, and as we pulled into the house, I heard him repeating words from the "house", like "up up upppp" etc... I realised that he has been saying "The End" for the past 2 weeks because he learned it from storytime at the "house".
So basically, he's learning whole sentences now because he can recite most of the words in the storytime. The "house" is amazing! James also learned a lot of sentences from it. Best toy EVER!
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Joshua Finally Walks
The long awaited day finally came!
For weeks, the little fellow's been teasing us with a few steps and lunges from one piece of furniture to another, or standing on his own for minutes on end. But try to lead him to take steps on his own, and he sits down the minute you remove his support or keeps walking on tip toe and threatening to fall over if you loosen your grip.
We knew he could do it, just that confidence seemed to be the issue. Plus, he seemed happy to do his weird sit-crawl, since he could get around really fast that way AND hold a toy at the same time.
This afternoon, he started taking a few steps on his own, near the lizard shit patio area. But lunged for the exploded bouncy castle. I figured it would be a few more days.
Then during dinner at my in-laws', he was playing around the TV area and we just let go of him and off he went. Toddling away, with his feet flat on the ground for once. He took more than 10 steps and I was sure he would either sit or pitch forward, but he continued walking with GREAT stability - even stoppping and making a 90 degree turn.
The maids were already letting him walk 15 minutes before that, while we were eating, so they didn't find this as exciting as we did.
But we let him walk all over the house, and the way he was going, it seemed like he had been doing it for weeks, not having just started moments before! My little cutie pie. He looks adorable when walking, as I thought he would.
For weeks, the little fellow's been teasing us with a few steps and lunges from one piece of furniture to another, or standing on his own for minutes on end. But try to lead him to take steps on his own, and he sits down the minute you remove his support or keeps walking on tip toe and threatening to fall over if you loosen your grip.
We knew he could do it, just that confidence seemed to be the issue. Plus, he seemed happy to do his weird sit-crawl, since he could get around really fast that way AND hold a toy at the same time.
This afternoon, he started taking a few steps on his own, near the lizard shit patio area. But lunged for the exploded bouncy castle. I figured it would be a few more days.
Then during dinner at my in-laws', he was playing around the TV area and we just let go of him and off he went. Toddling away, with his feet flat on the ground for once. He took more than 10 steps and I was sure he would either sit or pitch forward, but he continued walking with GREAT stability - even stoppping and making a 90 degree turn.
The maids were already letting him walk 15 minutes before that, while we were eating, so they didn't find this as exciting as we did.
But we let him walk all over the house, and the way he was going, it seemed like he had been doing it for weeks, not having just started moments before! My little cutie pie. He looks adorable when walking, as I thought he would.
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
James kicks ass
At playgroup today, there was a much older boy (maybe about 4 or 5 years old) playing with the kids. He was pretty rough, and kept snatching the spatula James was playing with right out of his hand.
I managed to quieten James' wails when I found another one. But the boy returned and started to sword fight with James using the spatula. Since James' latest obsession was Puss In Boots, he was very happy to oblige.
But while James was smiling and giggling as they locked spatulas, I noticed the boy had a belligerent expression and was actually TRYING to hurt James. He kept aiming for James' hands, instead of his spatula, and had already swiped various parts of his body. I saw a red line across James' cheek.
I was unsure if I should intervene, because James was still smiling and having fun. So I just stood there, wringing my hands, 10 feet away.
Then, the boy disarmed James by snatching his spatula, so he now had both while James had none. I started moving towards them, because given the boy's expression, he was going to hit my defenseless baby with both spatulas!
James surprised me first.
He looked down at his empty hand, looked up at the boy who was about the swing the spatulas at him, and immediately stepped forward to slam his hand into the boy's chest. The boy flew backwards several feet and started crying for his mommy.
I have NEVER been as proud of my son as I was that day. When I regaled his daddy, my mom and my in-laws with this story, everyone broke out in applause.
It was so unexpected, because despite his size, James is a gentle giant. He usually gets bullied by the more aggressive kids, and just takes their hits in his stride, never retaliating. I was actually worried that he would never learn to defend himself.
But with everything else that he does, he's led by his instincts. And such KILLER instincts he has. Oooo.
I thought it was a coincidence at first, that James was just playing with him. But several times the boy disarmed him, and each time (before the boy could do him any harm) James would slam his palm into the boy's chest and send him flying.
BUDDHIST PALM!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHJM5ZS4dmQ&feature=player_detailpage#t=498s
I am such a proud mommy right now.
I managed to quieten James' wails when I found another one. But the boy returned and started to sword fight with James using the spatula. Since James' latest obsession was Puss In Boots, he was very happy to oblige.
But while James was smiling and giggling as they locked spatulas, I noticed the boy had a belligerent expression and was actually TRYING to hurt James. He kept aiming for James' hands, instead of his spatula, and had already swiped various parts of his body. I saw a red line across James' cheek.
I was unsure if I should intervene, because James was still smiling and having fun. So I just stood there, wringing my hands, 10 feet away.
Then, the boy disarmed James by snatching his spatula, so he now had both while James had none. I started moving towards them, because given the boy's expression, he was going to hit my defenseless baby with both spatulas!
James surprised me first.
He looked down at his empty hand, looked up at the boy who was about the swing the spatulas at him, and immediately stepped forward to slam his hand into the boy's chest. The boy flew backwards several feet and started crying for his mommy.
I have NEVER been as proud of my son as I was that day. When I regaled his daddy, my mom and my in-laws with this story, everyone broke out in applause.
It was so unexpected, because despite his size, James is a gentle giant. He usually gets bullied by the more aggressive kids, and just takes their hits in his stride, never retaliating. I was actually worried that he would never learn to defend himself.
But with everything else that he does, he's led by his instincts. And such KILLER instincts he has. Oooo.
I thought it was a coincidence at first, that James was just playing with him. But several times the boy disarmed him, and each time (before the boy could do him any harm) James would slam his palm into the boy's chest and send him flying.
BUDDHIST PALM!
http://www.youtube.com/
I am such a proud mommy right now.
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
James and his pronunciation
His diction is very sharp for his age, I think largely thanks to breastfeeding.
The "CH" at the end of words like "lunch" and "bench" are very enunciated, his little lips curled cutely around the words. But there are still some words that escape his abilities :
Snicker-perry (slippery)
Bus stop (bath tub)
Kung-pewter (computer)
And he still has a lot of made up words that I don't know the source of, like "boo-kay" for lamp post.
The "CH" at the end of words like "lunch" and "bench" are very enunciated, his little lips curled cutely around the words. But there are still some words that escape his abilities :
Snicker-perry (slippery)
Bus stop (bath tub)
Kung-pewter (computer)
And he still has a lot of made up words that I don't know the source of, like "boo-kay" for lamp post.
Monday, 12 March 2012
Joshua's 1st steps
He was holding a toy and standing on his own, near my computer, while James was bounding about the room and around him. He got caught up in the moment and kept taking steps forward, feet flat on the ground.
He was trying to walk after James, and not trapezing from one piece of furniture to another for once. I was amazed to see him plodding one foot after another, with GREAT stability. He even turned and continued on his journey.
I got the camera out and started videoing and he stopped. Stared at me. Realised what he was doing. Sat down. GAAAAAH.
Guess it's just a confidence thing for him now. He definitely can walk. It'll be so cute to see him walk. I can't wait! He's much more careful than James, so it should be less stressful than James' first year of walking. No need to follow him around everywhere, hovering right behind him in fear of tripping or an intentional backflip.
He was trying to walk after James, and not trapezing from one piece of furniture to another for once. I was amazed to see him plodding one foot after another, with GREAT stability. He even turned and continued on his journey.
I got the camera out and started videoing and he stopped. Stared at me. Realised what he was doing. Sat down. GAAAAAH.
Guess it's just a confidence thing for him now. He definitely can walk. It'll be so cute to see him walk. I can't wait! He's much more careful than James, so it should be less stressful than James' first year of walking. No need to follow him around everywhere, hovering right behind him in fear of tripping or an intentional backflip.
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