Condor 1 sees a vampire in A&W ?

We were having tea with the hubbie's friends in A&W, the one by the Taman Jaya LRT station.

Condor 1had spent the whole day out, taking the LRT to KLCC this morning, and slept really late for his nap at 3pm. He woke up pretty grumpy, similar to how tired and grumpy he was in Genting.

Was trying to feed him in A&W when he started burying his face in the hubbie's lap. He had been watching the TV behind him before that. He kept saying he wanted to "get out get out" and acting like he was afraid, his whole body tensed. We figured he must've seen a balloon because that was upsetting him for the most part of the KLCC trip.

I dragged him over to me, but he kept his head down and when he realised it was me, he immediately climbed into my lap and made a beeline for my crucifix. He held it and kept saying, "Jesus protect me".

Then I realised he must have seen something.

I asked him what was wrong :

C1 : The face. Scared the face.

Mom : What face?

C1 : The face. The girl got the face. The girl's teeth so sharp. The teeth so brown. The teeth so sharp. I dowan to be scared.

I kept trying to prompt him to show me where this was, because I wondered if it was the TV. But he only repeated variations of the above, so I kept reawssuring him and telling him to continue praying and that mommy will make it "go away". He calmed down and was ok again.

Later at home, when he brought it up again, I asked him if the girl was inside the TV or outside. He said, "Outside" ... but later at night, again when he brought it up, he said it was in the TV.

Am pretty sure this one was from the TV cuz I saw some semi-scary ads with this weird woman wielding a pitchfork. But it still scared us a little because OMFG THERE COULD HAVE BEEN A VAMPIRE IN A&W!!!

Thank God it wasn't Edward

Lifted A Car & Saved My Family

Ok, it's not as dramatic as it sounds, but some parts are.

I've spoken about my rage issue in previous posts, and it was reaching the point where I didn't know what else to do to control it.

It's not just as simple as taking a breath, or checking my temper. It explodes without warning, at the slightest provocation, and I don't even know what's causing my temper to simmer all the time - but it does. And when someone does something small, it's like tossing a whole bottle of Eno into a boiling pot of water. Or Mentos in a Coke bottle - whatever the urban legend is that makes harmless things explode.

I was praying hard. I had already hurt myself several times in attempts to redirect the rage to inanimate things like the furniture. I was afraid someone else was eventually going to be seriously hurt. It had to stop.

Action 1:

The fire seemed to lower after I wrote my last blog post, because I realised I was trying to be EVERYTHING to the kids and the pressure was killing me. Especially the part about feeding them enough food, nutritiously. Once I worked out what was important to me, or what I wanted the kids to feel and think about me in the long run, I could refocus my energy on that and stop spreading it so thin across everything.

Still, the water was simmering and I was still losing my temper with the kids and everyone else. Had a major blowout with my loved ones too, which made things worse, and the kids got the brunt of it.

Action 2:

So I had made a decision to take a page from my FB moderation awsum-skillz book, and STOP ENGAGING in conflict with other adults - no matter how much they bait me or their words upset me. Engaging just upsets them, and me, and no one comes out the winner. I only needed to keep quiet, hold my tongue - be cool. Be cool, bitch. Be cool.

I had to consciously stop taking things personally, and let the words just roll off my back like water off a duck. It helped that I had set my Parenting Priorities in my previous post, and those were fresh in my mind and it helped to keep my actions in perspective.

But still, the water was still running hot and nowhere close to tepid.

Action 3:

I feel like the the turning point was when I ... * drum roll * ..... lifted the Honda City.

I was simmering with anger the whole morning while we were on a family outing, and the car got accidentally driven over this cement hump at the parking lot (not all the lots have it, but ours inexplicably did), the front wheels went over and KRUNK, the bottom of the car scraped the hump and chipped off a few bits of cement chunks.

We tried to reverse it back over the hump (so we didn't scrape more of the car's underbelly) but the car had no power to get back over it.

I was already at exploding point now, and stormed out of the car immediately, walked to the front, grabbed the bottom of the bumper just under the license plate .... and lifted the car. 

No. But it sure felt like this!

My first attempt failed. It didn't budge.

I used more strength and lifted it again, and pushed, while the driver reversed it ... and the car went up and over the cement hump without further fuss.

All this while, 2 terrified indian ladies in a nearby car were watching me with wide eyes. Hahah.

Later, I found I had sprained my wrist and pulled the slipped disc in my neck from the exertion, but I didn't feel it at the time. Too much adrenaline.

This is an illustration of just how violent and angry I was during this rage period - and how dangerous I was to the kids.

After this incident, all the anger seemed to have leaked out of me. It's like all the bad shit that was roiling around inside me, contained inside me, was released into the effort to do something superhuman like lift a car! I do remember feeling weak, but euphoric after I got back into the car.

I'm glad to say that things seemed to have calmed a lot and I feel a lot more like myself again, and even though the kids still do things that make me mad or make me yell at them, I no longer have the violent, uncontrollable rage that used to take control of my body.

Hope it's not just hormonal and temporary. I like being happy and in control of my life again.

My family is safe. And all it took, was for me to lift a car.

How I Want My Kids To Remember Me

Given how low I've been feeling, how I'm actually starting to resent motherhood and all the inhuman giving that it requires of you, I've decided to try a more positive type of visualisation exercise. I really don't know what else to do, because I think I'm reaching the end of my rope.

When my boys are grown and they think back on their childhood, I've always wanted to be remembered like this :
- In their mind's eye, I'm surrounded by a golden nimbus of love, warmth, gentleness and all-round awesomeness.
- The Madonna-mother. (Haha. I laugh even as I type this. Maybe this one is too ambitious.)
- The one they run to for comfort when they're hurt.
- The one who is so strong, powerful and awesome that she can protect them from anything that scares them, whether it's human bad guys, or evil ethereal beings.
- The one they can confide in or talk to about anything and everything, because they know that she will listen with an open-heart (though she can't help being judgemental).
- The one they enjoy sitting in silence with, because they just like her company.
- The one they know loves them unconditionally, but will not hesitate to punish them if they do the wrong thing.
- The cool mom. 

Hahahahahaha. No, I think.

This might be more likely.

Hmm. Nowhere in there does it say I want to be remembered as the mom who always kept the house clean, their clothes washed and ironed, or their food yummy & chock-full of nutrition (this one always stresses me the fuck out). Interesting.

Please God, give me strength to be these things.

Condor 1's "Gifts" - The Genting Experience

We've always suspected Condor 1 was psychic and could see "things".

Experience 1

When he was around 1+, he often cried and clung in fear to his caregiver when he was being bathed in my in-laws' spare room. He hated one particular spot high up in the curtains, where it was a little dark, even with the lights on. Always would stare at that spot and cry. The maids would get creeped out and run down the stairs with him, while he was still half-dressed.

Experience 2

He's about 2yo and having dinner with us in Churrascaria, this Brazillian place. He's seated near some handmade earthenware pots, and was fine till an hour into dinner he starts freaking out and crying for no reason. The waiter (who's been there since the beginning of time) came over calmly and made the sign of the cross on C1's forehead and said, "Jesus, please protect me from the things I see" and C1 calmed down immediately. About 15-30min later, he freaked out again. Again, the waiter repeated the ritual and he calmed. I asked C1 to say, "Thank you, uncle" and for once, he actually looked at him and said it. Normally, he NEVER acknowledges another human being or speaks to them despite my prompting. So that in itself was amazing enough for us to take note of.

Experience 3

In my house (around 1yo or younger), my mom saw him staring at the landing of my staircase, then following something with his eyes as it came down the stairs and walked out the front door. Then he stated brightly, "Tata!" which is his word for grandfather, although Tata refers to his paternal grandfather who is still alive, and KongKong would be for his maternal grandfather who had passed away more than 5 years ago.

Experience 4

He can also pick things out of your head, if you happen to be thinking hard about something. Sort of like how I can do that with my siblings. Last week, he went on a car ride with my hubbie and his friend, and suddenly said, "Stones! Stones!" My hubbie and friend froze, cuz that is my hubbie's nickname from school. His friends used to call him that all the time, but not recently, and not in front of C1.


We joke about his "powers" all the time, because I always wanted to have psychic abilities like pyrokenesis or telekenesis, or even mind control, so I was open-minded and almost wishful about the abilities. But we never seriously thought he had any.

We went to Genting on 6th Sept to celebrate my birthday, and now have 99.9% confirmed that he has them.

THE PROOF

On 6th Sept, he spent the whole evening playing in the indoor theme park. We took the connecting walkways back to the hotel around 10pm and walked past a row of old promo posters featuring artistes who had performed in Genting before (some of them almost dead, like Cliff Richard, and some of them already dead, like Michael Learns To Rock). James was fine, chattering away about his day.

Hmm. This IS pretty scary.

On 7th Sept, after a whole day in the outdoor and indoor theme parks, we took the walkway back again around 8.15pm, because C1 had very little sleep the night before and gets very lau kai, so we wanted him in bed earlier.

Before C1 and my hubbie reached the row of posters, he started freaking out, saying, "Scared! Scared! Scared!" and wanting his father to carry him. His grip around his father's neck tightened into a vice when they walked past the posters, and he shut his eyes as tight as he could, refusing to open them or be let back on the ground.

He does have irrational fears of things like this every once in awhile, so we figured he was just afraid of the posters of the creepy old singers and of plastic surgery (Jolin Tsai). Hubbie had to put him down at one point to help me carry Condor 2 down some stairs in his pram. C1 refused to let go, clinging to him like a burr.

Plastic surgery. Terrifying.

When he peeled C1 off, C1 stood on the ground shaking a little, body all tense, with his eyes still tightly shut. I kept telling him there were no more pictures, and kept repeating what I said, then slowly opened his eyes. He didn't seem to see anything scary anymore, though he was still very shaken and clingy the rest of the way.

He kept mumbling, "C1 is scared of all the people" for the rest of the night, on and off, between other subject matters. We were all squashed into bed, lights off, when he started saying it again. So we started questioning him :

Mommy : Were the people INSIDE the picture, or OUTSIDE the picture?
C1 :  (pause) Outside the picture.
Mommy & Daddy : (geli silence)
Daddy : What colour are the people? Are they grey, black, white, pink ...?

C1 : Grey
Mommy & Daddy : (more geli silence + bulu standing)
Mommy : Are the people walking or standing there?
C1 : Standing there.
Mommy : What are they doing? Are the people talking to C1?
C1 : No. The people talk to C1. The people don't talk to C1.
Mommy : Are the people waving at C1?
C1 : The people waving at C1.

Ok, after that point, I think he lost the plot and was just repeating after me, because he kept reverting back to "C1 scared of all the people". I kept asking him to say the Hail Mary, since he knows how to say the whole thing, and he started off the first 2 lines and let me continue for the rest of the night. So scary.

We waited till we got home the next day to ask him more. I drew an outline of a man in a picture frame and an outline of a man standing on the ground, and asked him which was the people he saw. He pointed consistently at the outline of the man standing outside.

Then he got really upset and kept insisting I draw a collarbone. I drew 2 lines on the outline's chest and he seemed satisfied. Later I tried it again, same result. He asked me to draw the collarbone again and I gave him the pencil to do it, and he made 2 lines at the chest where the bone should be, then smiled.

We don't know what he saw or what happened, but we figured that on 6th Sept, since it was a Fri and there was a concert blaring just down the walkway, maybe all the restless spirits in Genting were going there to kepoh (like they do during the 7th month concerts) and that's why he could see them.

I am creeped out yet impressed at his possible abilities and hope to learn how I could help him deal with them. I see them as a gift from God, and there must be a reason he has them. I hope all the spirits are not harmful ones and this ability doesn't affect him mentally or physically - that's where I draw the line and will find a way to get his "3rd eye" closed, the way so many adults here have done so.