Melbourne Recce : Impressions

It's been almost 15 years since I've lived in Australia, and I was worried I remembered everything with rose-tinted glasses on. Plus, I was single, and had no kids or family to worry about - just myself. I loved every minute of being in Adelaide. But would it be the same today?

Since we had to activate our visa with this initial trip to Melbourne, I decided to jot down my latest impressions as a mom, wife and adult who's already eaten a bit of salt in her working life.

MY MELBOURNE OBSERVATIONS :

- Fresh food (fruits, veggies), packaged foods and generally everything in retail are really expensive! I had the impression they were cheaper than in Malaysia and was SOOO looking forward to experimental cooking with cheap, high quality foods. The good news is that during the sales / offers at Woolies and Coles, they become ridiculously cheap. So gotta buy and freeze and hoard.

- Meat (beef, lamb, pork, chicken) are cheaper, even after conversion! Hooray!

- If you're earning in Oz dollars, everything is more affordable than in Malaysia. Your buying power is higher here because prices are almost dollar for dollar e.g. Fuel is RM1.90 in Malaysia, and AUD1.30 in Oz. So are salaries e.g. RM4k in Msia and for the same job, you'll probably earn AUD4k too.

- Pampers are ridiculous. AUD33 vs RM46 !!! No Mamy Poko, only Huggies so far. Thank God Josh is ok with using this brand. We have to ship a ton from home, and start potty training Joshua ASAP.

- King beds are non-existent. Mainly Queen beds due to small bedroom sizes, and they are about a foot longer than the Queen beds in Msia. All our bedsheets won't fit. Shit. No point buying quilts from home because they won't fit and won't be thick enough.

- Using dryers are bloody expensive. They take 2 hours of electricity-draining hot air to dry a small load. Dang. May still have to line dry the laundry.

- You can get sunburned (red face, not peeling yet) after walking in the morning sun for 1 hour. Sunblock is always a must.

- The water isn't as hard as it was in Adelaide. My hands didn't dry that much when I did washing, didn't really start cracking or hurting, and should be fine with regular moisturiser. Water can be drunk from the tap, but tastes a bit weird due to fluoride. Found out fluoride is really toxic and can reduce IQ over time. Can only get rid of it via reverse osmosis, and even then it's not all. Can't escape it since all water there is fluoridated, and bottled water is bloody bloody expensive there it seems.

- No more watching movies for us. Tickets are now AUD20 instead of AUD8 that I used to pay in Adelaide. OMG.

- Gotta get the kids used to other yogurts, because Petit Miam is more expensive than Malaysia after conversion. Dutch Lady UHT milk doesn't exist, so I gotta introduce fresh milk to them now. Kids are also ok with meat pies, which is VERY good news.

- My little chinamen need their rice. They can't put in much of the gwailo food. Get full really fast on the proteins. Condor 2 actually liked eating the steamed cauliflower and carrots there, without needed to mash it into the rice. The veggies are really sweet and yummy.

- Avocadoes and salmon are NOT cheap. But, gotta wait for the sales. Hoard, hoard, HOARD!

- I should ship my own stationery, since I already have so much here at home. Expensiveeee.

- Very expensive to eat out, if you convert. But it's almost dollar for dollar as when we eat out in Malaysia. e.g. dinner in an expensive celebrity chef restaurant for 4 adults + 2 kids came up to AUD120. Not so bad if you're earning money there. But the simple meals are really costly, as nothing under AUD10. Fish & Chips are AUD10, and good sandwiches can be about AUD15. McD can also come up to AUD25 for 3 adults + 2 kids. Good news is there are plenty of microwave dinners (Weight Watchers) and frozen pies, so even if we eat at home all the time, I don't need to panic if I can't cook dinner everyday. Pies are like AUD5 for a pack of 4, so yay!

- Tax is ridiculous. Very easy to hit the 45% tax bracket. At least we actually benefit from our tax money there.

- The boyz sleep very well in this weather, even though it was summer. Either that, or they're really tired. They could sleep more than 2 hours uninterrupted! WOOHOO! But C2 is still very hot stuff, and sweats in his sleep (back of head and neck, and his pillow, are drenched) even on the cold days, and at night, even though he's just wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt and diapers!

- There are a disappointingly high number of Asians in the Boxhill / Mont Albert area, mainly people from China, since they are all conversing in sharp and and hissy Mandarin. They also brought their unpleasant social behaviour with them e.g. not waiting for people to alight a train before they barged on board, only mixing among themselves and not with the locals, sprawling themselves all over the seat on the train so that others won't take the vacant seats opposite them etc.... Me no likee. Didn't run across many Malaysians or Singaporeans.

- Australians (caucasians) kept staring at me and Papa Condor wherever we went. Not with hostility, but with a mix of interest and curiosity. They were also really friendly, and ready to engage. At first, I thought that it was because I was so exotic and gorgeous, despite my mommy fats, that they couldn't help but stare. But later, we surmised that it was because we looked Asian, but not typically Chinese. And we conversed in English, and so did our kids. Not in Mandarin. Our accents were not Indian, Hongkie nor Pinoy, so they must be wondering what the hell we were. You can see how their initial expressions (which are a little guarded) melt into friendly ones the minute they hear us speaking English to each other.

- Australia Day is a bad day to go out. 2 pimply punk-ass teenagers snubbed me and the kids, choosing to take the stairs rather than wait for the lift with us. I had smiled at them (since everyone to that point had been super friendly and chatty), but didn't return it and looked away, saying loudly after they had passed, "Get out of the country!" I was shocked, then replied loudly, "Assholes!" In-bred dickwads.
This experience ruined the trip for me because if I can get this treatment 4 days into a short holiday, what happens if I extrapolate it into 40 years of making a life here?!? How will my boyz be treated, growing up? Will they be bullied, or will they be accepted? Taking my previous bullet point into this analysis, it's possible that the hostility to Asians is due to their unwillingness to assimilate into the society they've joined - if that's the case, we should be fine since we are as Western-minded and eager to assimilate as they come. We can't even speak Chinese. We love the Australian way of life and plan to fully embrace it and have plenty of Aussie friends (if we can) and not just stick to our own people.

- They have DAISO and CRABTREE here! WOOHOO! But must go to the big malls like Westfield. The others only have small-time or local brands. And Daiso seems to be AUD3 per item, not AUD2 like the 2 dollar Oz shops. Oh can someone please bring Uniqlo to Melbourne??

-  The most fantastic beautiful weather for exercise and outdoor play with the kids. Even when it's hot, the cold wind makes the heat non-existent (dangerous without sunblock, as you burn without realising) and you don't SWEAT! Oh joy! No more sweating!!! Although I did sweat since we are struggling with 2 demon boyz, one hour of struggling produces a light misting of sweat, not the torrential sticky mess you get in KL after 1min of struggling. It's sort of a similar comparison when you talk about rain in Melbourne.

- The sun goes down at 8.30pm-ish. So we have such a huge window for taking the kids out to the playground, and not have to worry about the dark, muggers, or Aedes mosquitoes. Although their mozzies are quite big and itchy too, as the only existing mozzie in a 5-kilometre radius can always somehow find ME to bite me all over the place.

- Safe to leave things unattended. Garage doors can be left open, without worry that people will walk into the ungated yard and swipe your shit. For once, I didn't constantly worry about keeping my pouch in front of me for fear of pickpockets. I could comfortably carry Joshua, with my pouch dangling safely behind me, instead of Joshua using it as a foothold to rock-climb the front of my body.

- The air is very dry, and C2 drank tons of water. He went thru diapers like crazy. His skin is also too sensitive to the air, and he had dry skin or some sort of eczema all over the parts that were exposed to the air (calves). Condor 1 got it on his cheeks. Windburn, maybe? I have to moisturise the boyz like mad before every outing. But at least I won't be sweating buckets each time I put the lotion on, or have to worry that the lotion will burn their face or neck, or that it's stinks or that it's toxic if they accidentally get some in their mouths or eyes (the thing I hate the most in Msia is putting on heavy-duty mozzie lotion each time we go out). Lip balm is a must.

- Woolies lasagnia is very very nice!

- General consensus when talking to people living here is that there is a racial ceiling. Caucasians will always be chosen for management positions over the Asians, or so we've been told, but that's if you're looking at promotions within the country and not cross-country transfers within the same company. I'm still not 100% sure about it being a skin colour thing. I have a suspicion it's an industry and language thing. Some industries will be harder for non-Aussies, usually the more corporate or political ones, like banking, finance, consultancy etc... But for industries like video games, it's super multicultural and it's run like a meritocracy. Onto language, people will never want to promote someone who can't communicate as well as their closest competitor. Come on, even I won't do that here if I was the boss. Also, if you're still speaking in an accent that makes it hard for the other Aussies to understand you, it makes you a less appealing candidate. So I gotta put on my Aussie voice if I wanna get back into the corporate world. But I'm not into the rat race anymore, so I guess that's a moot worry.

- Education is STILL very expensive, even if you're a Permanent Resident. State Schools will still cost you AUD4k, which is about the same as a private education in Malaysia. FUCK la. Not yet enter University also so expensive already. Feel really depressed now. Kindy is semi-subsidised, so it's about AUD400 a term. About half of what kindies here cost, but that's only for 2 days a week whereas Msia is for 5 days a week! So I guess the cost is the same. WTF am I doing going to Oz?!?!?!?!?  Oh yeah, education is in English and quality of life will be better, and we will be physically safer from all the crime. I really hope this move is the right one for us.
http://m.theage.com.au/data-point/private-fees-mount-as-education-costs-soar-20130124-2d8c4.html

- Kindies are very play-based. Unlike here, where 3-4 year old kids are already pressured to learn how to read, write, use phonics - the kids this age are still encouraged to learn via play. They don't teach the kids to read or write alphabets / numbers till they are 5, when they go to Prep School. Then they start Year 1 at 6 years old! I think C1 will thrive better in such a system, but I hope we can get him into a school in time for him to benefit! So rushed!!

- Gardens are a must, by law! Every house must have a certain ratio allotted to a garden, and you must upkeep it and remove all the constant weeds or you can get fined. Also, you can't just cut down a tree cuz it's pissing you off, even if it's on your property. You need permission from the council and you gotta plant a new one to replace it. Guess we should create a herb or veggie garden to make all the effort of weeding worth it. At least you're growing something you can use, and not just pretty, useless flowers.

- Papa Condor is awesome at his job and will always be in demand. But I'm a bit worried for myself now. Will I be awesome enough? I know I am awesome, but it's been so long since I've had to show it professionally. God, please help guide me.

- Property is ridiculously expensive. And the rental is low, so no way you can make up for the repayments by earnings from rental. AUD500k on average for a 2 bedroom house in a moderately good area. AUD1million and above for apartments nearer to or in the CBD. Scared if we buy a place now, property value will drop next year, since they are predicting a bit of an economic downturn, and we lose out. Please God, guide us to choose well.

- I will hopefully lose weight. It's too expensive to overeat and gorge myself here.

CONCLUSION :

I had this impression of Australia being the solution to all our problems, and boy have my eyes been opened. Things are not much better there, in terms of cost of living and salary. The consumerism we enjoyed in Malaysia will not be as easily enjoyed there if we want to save money, but overall quality of life is better due to the culture, laws, weather, people, mindset and WEATHER (did I stress that one enough?). Education will hopefully prove to be better. I really hope and pray for this one, since there seems to be no cost savings.

I'm also reminded of the unpleasantness I had to brush off while in Adelaide (the racist fellas telling us to "Go back to Asia"), but we are getting that in Malaysia more and more now thanks to the politicians and stupid brainwashing happening in local universities, so if we're gonna be treated as second-class citizens, better it be in a country where your rights are actually safeguarded by the government.

All in all, the experience removed the rose-tint from my memories and my assumptions, but I'm still surprisingly optimistic about the move. That's a big thing, considering my penchant for preparing for the worst. I'm 90% sure we will be happy there. Fingers crossed :)

Teaching Condor 1 & 2 to share

Condor 1 wants a toy, other kid refuses to share because he's not ready to, doesn't know how or is just an asshole. C1 TO meltsdown and I can't do anything about it, because he's fixated on the toys. Can't expect small kids to understand sharing when they've not been taught to, and can't expect them to understand the concept of sharing when they only understand ownership.

Can't expect small kids to understand sharing when they've not been taught to.

METHOD : 
Teach my kids to ask others to "Exchange", then thrust another toy in their face to tempt them, then take the toy my kid wants from the other kid's loosened hand, which had loosened to take hold of the new toy.  Then say, "Thank you" during the exchange. Gotta guide their hands the whole way, in the beginning, until they can understand and remember the process, then transition to verbal reminders to "exchange".

Sometimes, the other kid doesn't want the new toy offered. Told C1, "He doesn't want this one. Find one that he wants" and guide C1 to find another toy that may interest him. Keep offering new toys till one works. If all doesn't work, then tell C1, "He's not ready to share, so we can't force him to. You will have to wait till it's your turn to play." Then calm, console and distract C1 as much as possible while keeping a hawkeye on the other kid, then prompting C1 to grab it the minute the kid is done, "Ok, he's done.  Your turn to play now! Go take it!"

WHEN :
Started teaching C1 around 2 years old and Condor 2@ 18 months.

RESULTS : 
C1 and C2 do not fight over toys (sometimes still do, if it's a brand new toy) and can exchange toys peacefully on their own when at home or even seated in their car seats during a long journey. Each automatically understands that when a new toy is thrust in their face, if they like it, they give their current toy to the other without a fight. They do not hoard toys, and tend to play with one toy at a time. Sometimes, when C2 is done with his toy (the one that C1 wants), he will walk over to C1 and hand it to him without further prompting.

Milestones Update - Part 1

CONDOR 2 MILESTONES

27 Jan 2012 - 1st word. Hello

29 Jan 2012 - stood on his own

9 Feb 2012 - 1st time slept in own room. C1's room. Major hard shit n constipation. Started eating rice.

10 Feb 2012 - 2 more bottom teeth erupted. Can eat rice. Prefers adult food to porridge or cereal. Loves chicken.

13 Feb 2012 - Ate scoop of choc ice cream. Loved it.

8 Mar 2012 - 1st steps. Took 4 steps crossing from activity table to couch.

29 Mar 2012 - walking steadily n dramatically for 1st time in in laws' hse. Holding small 
book. Recovering from cough n fever. Only got sick about 3 times in his life so far.

12 Apr 2012 - can move from sit to stand without pulling up on furniture. Hands on floor, straightens legs, then raises trunk.

16 Apr 2012 - can get up from squat to stand without any support. No hands on floor.

21 May 2012 - transitioned to 1 nap a day. About 2 hours. Instead of 1.5 to 2 hrs in morning and 1 hour in afternoon.

26 May 2012 - 4 top molars and canines erupting. Can see bottom molars under swollen gums. Not sleeping well at all at night. Wakes crying.

5 June 2012 - last few weeks, wakes often. Even at naptime. Only sleeps 1 hour per nap now. Hard to calm when wake at night. Screams. Killing me with sleep deprivation. Today ate like a horse!

6 Jul 2012 - told me 'poo poo' n when i put him on toilet n made mm mm sounds, he strained n let out a load. So excited! Never repeated it again though, just like C1. He can still tell me he's about to 'poo poo' or has already gone though, but confuses actual poo with farting. So cute.


July 2012 - Has a "lovie". My breastpads. Loves to smell them for comfort. He knows what they are and keeps asking for his "Nen-nen" when it's bedtime. Will stick his hand down my shirt to grab it roughly if I don't give it in time. Sewed a used but cleaned one to C1's unused toy blankie (which C2 also rejected) and now he loves it. The old one I had sewed to it before didn't have my scent because it was machine washed, which is why he rejected it last time. Hugs it to sleep and sometimes when he wakes from his sleep, he will take a whiff and go back to sleep! OMG.


July 2012 - Can say "Mommy" very clearly. Started with him imitating am ambulance going "mee moh mee moh" so I kept encouraging him to say "Maaaa-meeee" and after a couple of weeks of irregular attempts, he started going, "Mah-meee" pausing between each syllable. Now it's a full on "Mommy!" and I sometimes can't tell if C2 or C1 is calling me. He confuses "Papa" and "Mommy" though, often referring to both of us with the same name.

July 2012 - Very violent when angry (take a toy away, end of shower etc...) and arches back and swings head or beats me or throws the nearest object. I suspect he's imitating me because I've been very moody the last few months. So I've tried being more nurturing and caring, even when he's beating me or headbutting me, and it's brought down some of the intensity, but still quite a ways to go.

CONDOR 2 MILESTONES

31 Dec 2011 - said 'i love you' unprompted for the 1st time. To papa.

24 Jan 2012 - pooed in potty by himself

April 2012 - takes 2 hours or more to sleep at night. No matter what we do. Still wakes once at night. Falls asleep easily at nap time, though - 15 to 30min.

Early June 2012 - finally getting easier to put to sleep at night. About 1 hour. Moved bath time first, cup of milk after bath. Took a few weeks for schedule to take.

July 2012 - Slept through the night many times. Goes down at 10pm - 11pm, then only wakes at 4am or 6am!! Wondering if the difference is he sees C2 being put in the bed next to him,  before he goes to sleep himself. He wants company. Even though C2 goes over after his first waking at 12am, he still thinks C2 is there. Can't wait for C2 to turn 2, so he's old enough to take James' knocks and they can share a bed!

July 2012 - Fed himself without prompting, on his first day in Nakorn Sari. It was sausages. The another day, fried kuey teow. It was just a matter of ensuring he had the right size spoon (not the stupid Ikea one, but the metal teaspoon) and bowl (Nestle Breakfast Cereal melamine bowls!). He's pretty good at it too.

It's Bloody Hard. Stop Beating Myself Up

I'm angry all the time. Ever since I've been alone at home with them 100%, it's the emotion I feel 99% of the time. I feel so guilty because I should be appreciating the beauty of parenthood and the cute little things they do and say. But I just feel angry and resentful. All. The. Time.

Think. Think. Why is this?

It's because I know several supermoms who've raised 2 kids all on their own, without grandparental help or maids. They did the laundry, housework, cooked creative and nutritious meals for the family (one of them even bakes bread daily, from scratch!) ... and their 2 kids are all grown, relatively well-behaved and ALIVE!! They also still love mommy very much, so I assume they're doing a bang up job of it.

I've always prided myself as a capable person. More than capable. So why can't I do this with more dignity and grace?!! My kids are gonna grow up hating me. All this pressure I'm putting on myself isn't helping. It just makes me angrier!

Calm down. Calm down. Think. Is it really a fair comparison?

This is hard for even the supermoms, but I also have to keep reminding myself that things really are harder for me at the moment because :

1. My kids can't put themselves to sleep. The other kids can.

This is a major one.

Both of mine still need me to either cuddle or bounce them to sleep, and obviously once they awaken in the middle of the night or afternoon nap, they can't go back to sleep without my help (although Condor 2 is slowly learning with his "breastpad blankie" - thank GOD!). Obviously this is a losgitical nightmare when Condor 2 still needed 2 naps a day and none of them coincided with Condor 1's nap timing.

And when both would wake from their naps at the same time, I would just sit there crying because I knew it was impossible to soothe both to sleep again (they are stimulated by each other's presence and want to play), and everything I had planned to finish doing was now going to remain undone.

This is partly my fault for practicing Attachment Parenting, and partly C1 for being a high-need baby so sleep training was just not possible with him.

So, at least 2 hours each day are spent putting the kids to sleep, or back to sleep. Time which could have been spent finishing up on cleaning, general house admin or cooking - if only I could just lock them in their room and let them fall asleep on their own.

They also don't sleep through the night. Both of them.. Yes, even 3-year old C1. Essentially I have been sleep-deprived and fucking grumpy for more than 3 fucking years.

2. My 3-year old refuses to feed himself

Not only do I have to cook, I have to process the food after cooking to make sure the kids can chew it (e.g. carrots must be squished, or they are just swallowed and come out whole when they lau sai), and then I have to FEED it to them. When do I get the time to cook for myself, or eat it?

I blamed myself at first till I remembered how C1 wouldn't even hold food, much less put it in his mouth when he was a toddler. I never saw him use his pincer grasp till he was almost 2 years old!!

I've recently discovered in kindergarten he's quite able to do it, but at home, he just doesn't want to. I have to cajole and force, and it just takes too much effort. Plus, he makes a mess, stains his clothes and never eats enough. So feed him I must. :(

C2, on the other hand, has been feeding himself quite well, if it's finger food like chicken. I can start him on spoons soon, if I have the energy. At least that will be one less child to worry about at mealtimes.

3.  Supermoms DO have help. 

They have part-time cleaners that come in once a week. Professional cleaners for the harder places like the windows outside the house. I've been trying to do all the cleaning on my own, whenever the kids are asleep, instead of taking some time out for myself to rest.

They use dryers for wet laundry, which is a huge time-saver compared to me having to wait for naptime before I can hang the clothes, take them in again if there's rain or the threat of it, then take them out again when the sun comes out, then check to see what's dry then take those in, and hang the still wet ones under the awning.

4. I DO have help.

Since mom has been overseas for the past 3 months, I've been trying too hard to go it alone in preparation of my future lifestyle. My MIL has been kind enough to let me send C1 over a few times a week so I can at least get my chores done, and she does offer the help of one of her maids with my cleaning (but I just don't feel comfortable with this one).

The Hubbie is more helpful than most, and I'm lucky he's so willing to help with the chores and take charge of C1 once he's back from a full day at work. He's very involved with the kids and their lives, always trying to find little ways to make my day better and cheer me up (e.g. taking us out for food on the weekend, ordering me the occasional margarita, fetching me a Coke) and it feels great to have such a strong partner who's got my back.

But somehow this just makes me feel worse because I shouldn't even be feeling stressed or angry if I have this much help. Sigh.

5. I have a part-time job, on top of my full-time one (the kids)

Yeah, I do it from the comfort of home, on my computer.
Yeah, I do it after the kids have been put to bed.
Yeah, it doesn't take up a huge chunk of time unless there's some major issue (and then it takes up a HUGE chunk of my night) or a particularly stupid, childish bitch is in charge of a project. But that's still time that I should be spending winding down, or doing chores I had not gotten to yet, or just relaxing after a hard day with a nice book or movie on the computer.


Plus, it's a job that's counter to my personality - dealing with customer complaints. Thank God I don't have to contact customers directly, just respond to their social media comments. But people on the internet are real childish assholes because of the anonymity of the medium, and they try with all their might to bait a reaction that they can share with the world. Taking in all that negativity right before bed really sucks and it will affect my equanimity and sleep.  

6. I have a High-Need kid

One of them is like having 2 or more kids. So, at best, I'm actually dealing with 3 kids ... At worst, it feels like I have 10. From the forums I've been reading, one high-need kid can sometimes be enough to destroy a marriage, because they just take so much out of you.

What's more, this one still can't be dropped off at Kindy because every major change like this is met with great resistance, soiled pants, sleepless nights, lots of tantrums and sometimes cognitive or behavioral regression. I have to be with him the whole time (with C2 in tow) which means NOTHING in the house can be done in the morning, nor in the afternoon because I am just so damn knackered.

Toilet training was such a nightmare, I'm still trying to block the pain of it out. At least now he can tell me he wants to poo, though he still routinely spots his underwear with wee. Better than flooding the floor like last time.

7.  I can't cook for shit

My time alone in Australia & Penang was full of unhealthy sausage-filling-and-potato casseroles, microwave dinners, meat pies (yum), instant pasta and eating char kuey teow in a hawker centre. Not the best diet to feed a growing family.

I had to learn when I had C1, and it's been a stressful and scary process because I don't like ruining and wasting food. I'm no domestic goddess that can whip things up at a moment's notice. And I'm constantly worried I'm going to give them food poisoning, or stunt their growth with my lack of nutritious creativity. Gotta keep working at it.

8. The house is too damn big

There's just too damn much surface area to get dirty and to have to clean. When we get our own place, I want a small single-level place with 3-bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.

Yeah, I could leave the place dirty for awhile, but more than a week goes by without a vacuum or mop, you can draw portraits in the dust and The Husband gets coughing and sneezing spells because he's allergic. Also .... read the next point. 

9. The bloody Fauna

Week-old dust attracts invisible creatures that bite the kids at night, the bites can sometimes be so bad they interrupt sleep (theirs, and ours) and leave scars. No, they're not bed bugs. I don't know what the fuck they are. No, it's not psychosomatic!!

Then there's the lizards, ants and cockroaches (luckily not so much of these anymore) who are attracted by an unmopped floor that has drops of spilled soup / food from kids struggling at mealtime. Even when the fucking floor is clean the damn lizards carpet bomb my floor, tables and kids' toys with their fucking shit. I hate them so damn much. Why are there so many of them?! They crawl over EVERY fucking thing in the house!

Then there's the fucking magpies who've decided to make nests outside the kids' room so they wake them with their loud chirping, and carpet bomb our cars with their shit even though the cars are in the damn porch!!

Then there are the bees and the wasps who keep trying to build a nest on my clothesline, or within my laundry area. So hanging clothes are usually a hazard.

Then there's the fucking mozzies. I can never bring the kids out to the garden or to the playground because there are mozzies everywhere. I'm always under house arrest.

Then there's the neighbour's fucking dog who barks (at nothing!!) for extended periods of time, and usually at the times of day that my kids are sleeping. It's bark is so damn loud it's like it's standing outside my kid's window!! The neighbour has received many complaints already, not just from me, but they are deaf and don't seem to give a shit. I really hope they get raped by rabid goats, then by their own stupid dog.

Then now there are all those robberies and muggings and kidnappings in the parking lots of popular malls! I can't even go out during the weekdays anymore for fear of my kids' safety. I'm so sick of staying at home. I feel like a goddamn prisoner!! What the hell is wrong with this damn country?!

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Ok, I meant to end this on an optimistic and positive note, but it's just turned into a long whine and rant. Sigh.

I just have to stop beating myself up when an extra ball gets thrown into the bunch I'm already juggling.  Like right now, I'm down with cough and cold, and C2 is recovering from a high fever. I'm still very tired.

I'm human. Give myself a break. Don't expect so much of myself. Take it one sticky step at a time!!!