STEP 1 :
Dump him into the kindergarten of your first choice, prepared to stay there the whole day, only to have him wave bye-bye to you and disappear around the corner without a care in the world.
STEP 2 :
Discover 1 week later how much he hates the kindergarten, and you have to pull him out before it creates irreparable psychological damage due to the insensitive, asshole teacher in charge of his young toddler mind. Lucky we only lose the deposit and not the term fees.
STEP 3 :
Wait for a month to let him recover, all the while trying to brainwash him with books or videos about how fun school is. Let him choose a water bottle or something personal that is specifically for his school, and tell him it's for school.
STEP 4 :
Take him to your 2nd choice kindy, and explain your previous difficulties to the new teacher / principal and ask them to be patient with him and not force him into anything. Be ignored by them the first few times, until they see how much he cries each time he loses sight of you, then be taken seriously. Now you can tell them for real what you need them to do for your son.
STEP 5 :
Stay with him the whole session, bringing your second child with you because you can't leave him alone at home. Sweat to death the entire time because you are busy chasing both boys around the kindy and trying to get them to sit down and listen to the teacher or participate. Occasionally chasing around one of the other kindy kids, to be helpful to the teachers and hopefully inspire them to be patient with my own kids. Take lots of pictures and see how patient teachers are with him.
STEP 6 :
Fall horribly sick the next day due to all the heat and stress, develop killer sore throat, which morphs into horrible wet cough in the next few days and lasts for more than a month. The kids too. Reduce the number of days you go to kindy from 4 days/week to 2 days/week because your body just can't take it. Especially since you still have to take care of the household chores, cleaning, cooking, laundry etc... after you've spent the whole exhausting morning there with the 2 kids. Lunch is impossible to cook, unless I wake up really early that morning to make the soup before we leave. Most of the time, mommy will go hungry because she only has enough time to cook lunch for the kids, and none for herself. Some of the times, mommy will tapau KFC for everyone, and on those days, mommy will feel human again.
STEP 7 :
Keep this up for 2 exhausting months. Made worse by the fact that the timing runs into the biggest crime month of the year, Ramadhan. Add the stress from the constant fear of being car jacked, robbed, snatch thefted, slashed in front of your home, smash-and-grabbed, home invaded etc... to the mix, as friends and family around you are victims of such crime during that month.
STEP 8 :
Discover what your kid enjoys, which is art and craft. And wait for the holiday programme, which is intensive art and crafts, and start warning him that you can't follow him to school anymore. Follow him for 3-days into the holiday programme. Then tell him he'll be staying on his own the next day, and that the teachers will be taking care of him after that. Mommy needs to go home and clean the house and cook his food, and she will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock - show him where the hands go on the clock.
STEP 9 :
Drop off second kid with mother in law. Leave eldest in school on the last day of the week, so you have the weekend to reassure him and bond with him. Steel yourself for tears and wailing. There will be a lot of it. Be firm, do not show him that you are worried. It's no big deal. Show him the clock on the wall and tell him that mommy will be back to fetch him at 12 o'clock. Leave your number with the teacher and tell them to call you if he's been crying non-stop for more than 30 minutes. Wait around outside the classroom, hidden, listening to him wail and wring your hands helplessly. See the teacher finally manage to distract him with something, then make your getaway, and continue hand wringing at home, keeping your phone (which never rings) close to you in case. Pick him up before classes end, see him beaming at the sight of you, hug him happily (but do not show him your anxiety) and point to the clock and show him that it's 12 o'clock and mommy is here as promised. Do this each time. Be surprised that he's quite cheery the rest of the day, compared to his shutdown behaviour from the previous kindy.
STEP 10 :
Spend lots of quality time over the weekend, talking about how good the teachers were to him and assuring him that they will take care of him, and that he should learn to ask them for help if he can't do something. Help him to make "Thank you" cards for the teachers, with their names on it, and buy some Hershey kisses to go with them.
STEP 10 :
Get him to hand deliver each thank you card & chocolate to all his teachers. Continue leaving him there, telling him you're going out to cook, will be back at 12 o'clock - then leave and listen to him wail until he gets distracted, all the while holding 2nd child and hiding behind the wall. But the wailing is less and less now.
STEP 11 :
After 2 weeks of leaving him there with bated breath (minus some days he had to stay home because he's always catching something), he starts waving happily at you and saying, "Bye bye mommy!" when you drop him off, and you can finally start making plans in the mornings he goes to kindy!
STEP 12 :
A little hiccup as the wailing starts again when the new term begins, because he hates the structured learning and lessons. But stand firm and leave him there. He will be ok.
Showing posts with label Milestones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Milestones. Show all posts
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
It's NOT normal for kids to cry at Kindy
The biggest challenge of raising a high-need kid like Condor 1 is knowing when to filter out well-meaning but damaging advice from others.
The pressure to treat him the way other kids are treated is immense, and I find myself doubting my instincts on a weekly basis. Usually when I'm exhausted, sick, there's a regression, or when people just don't understand the special care that's needed to raise a happy C1.
The most recent damaging advice received was that it's "ok to dump him in kindergarten and let him cry". That's how it's done with all the other kids.
Why the fuck did I listen? I knew he did not have the temperament for Ferberization, and kindergarten was NO exception.
When people give you seemingly simple advice on how to handle your high-need child, be sure to ask for a lot more details. Taking the kindy example :
When C1 had his kindy trauma, he was crying ALL FUCKING MORNING. From 8.30am till 12.00pm! It would stop for brief periods, then start again. That is NOT normal, and that is NOT ok. That's a sign that something's wrong, and you need to follow your instincts and not what some idiot told you.
Lots of parents gloss over this VERY important point. They forget or they never notice the change in their kids after they're dumped unceremoniously in kindy.
Some kids learn to cope and adapt without much fuss. Some kids turn into total assholes, doing things they never did before as a way of acting out or expressing their feelings of abandonment. e.g. hitting, biting, wetting themselves even though they're potty trained.
I noticed the change in C1 immediately after his 1st day in the Trauma Kindy. He was withdrawn, didn't make much eye-contact, and had trouble controlling his bladder. I knew this meant trouble but I stuck it out for another 3 days, during which his behaviour got worse (wouldn't let me out of his sight, even in the house) and even his sleep was affected.
In this new kindy (Nakorn Sari), I'm happy to say that I've left him on his own twice now. I've been staying with him throughout class for a month (exhausted till I fell sick) and felt that it was time to start leaving him on his own. Especially since he seemed comfortable letting me out of his sight for long periods of time as he was absorbed in their activities.
The first time, he did cry, with big rolling tears. But I had prepared him for this moment, and assured him that I would be back at 12pm to pick him up. And I would never leave him without saying bye first (my rookie mistake at Trauma Kindy). He's used to this cue because he's learned to wait for Papa to come home from work at 7pm, so I decided it was the best way to go for him.
The teachers told me he cried till his body shook at first, but for the most part he was ok because they kept distracting him with things to do. Glad I chose the holiday programme to do this, as he loves the arts and crafts.
I was more interested in his behaviour when I came to pick him up.
I showed that I was happy to see him, but not "OMGMYPOORBABYCOMEISAVEYOUNOW!". That was good advice from the kindy owner Nancy Simon - she said when he comes to you, you must be assuring but non-challant, like "Hey, there. Wassup baby?". This allows him to pick up cues from you that this is not a scary place, because mommy is not scared for me or worried for me.
So, I'm glad to say that he was happy to see me, but he wasn't desperate to run away from the teachers or about to burst into tears. He also said the teachers were very nice to him, but I'm not sure if he was just echoing what I said. He did say he liked them. He didn't like the teacher in Trauma Kindy.
For the rest of the day, he also was very cheerful and talkative, and MORE independent than usual (feeding himself, getting out of the car etc....). He was very loving and affectionate, but NOT clingy.
That was a great sign.
Today is the second time he's been left there. LOTS of tears and wailing, and I could barely bring myself to leave. But I had to be strong, because I'd started already and I had to be consistent if I wanted him to learn to be independent in kindy, and trust his teachers to see to his needs.
I hid with Condor 2 till I saw he was distracted by the cars outside, and he stopped wailing. Then, with a heavy heart, I left.
When I came back, the poor fella had just finished 2 bowls of fried rice, and was shuffling his feet slowly and despondently on the floor mats. Again he was happy to see me and hugged me, but didn't look like he was holding in a flood of tears.
I pointed out that I was here at 12pm, as promised. He looked at the clock on the wall and declared with a smile, "The hand point at 12 o'clock!" You could see the thoughts in his head : mommy is here, she didn't leave me, I'm not so scared anymore, she won't leave me.
They had a birthday party and he was so excited he kept trying to blow out the boy's candles. He was the only kid who couldn't sit still, and kept getting scolded by the other kids when he couldn't contain himself and ran to the cake. When the cake was finally cut, he was jumping around for a piece and took his bowl to the birthday table and sat there without preamble.
He had trouble feeding the cake to himself and started asking for help. All the teachers were busy so he finally found a way to cut the piece and feed himself without dropping any. He kept asking for more. Had 2 helpings! Hahaha.
He was very happy to leave, and screamed an enthusiastic "BYEBYEEEE TEACHERRRR!" to any adult he saw. That's good because at the previous kindy, he just mumbled it robotically, the way an abused wife would kiss the cheek of a husband who had just slapped her.
Again, very affectionate at home, but not tearful or clingy. He was happy to see me, and I told him I was happy to see him. He listened to me, he was responsive, he told me he wanted to poo poo without releasing any in his pants, he was playful ....
THIS is what it's supposed to feel like when they slowly learn to be independent. I do hope it continues to go well!
The pressure to treat him the way other kids are treated is immense, and I find myself doubting my instincts on a weekly basis. Usually when I'm exhausted, sick, there's a regression, or when people just don't understand the special care that's needed to raise a happy C1.
The most recent damaging advice received was that it's "ok to dump him in kindergarten and let him cry". That's how it's done with all the other kids.
Why the fuck did I listen? I knew he did not have the temperament for Ferberization, and kindergarten was NO exception.
When people give you seemingly simple advice on how to handle your high-need child, be sure to ask for a lot more details. Taking the kindy example :
If it's ok for him to cry, how LONG is it ok for him to cry?
I belatedly realised that most kids will cry for a few minutes when the parents leave, but they are easily distracted by the teachers and they STOP.When C1 had his kindy trauma, he was crying ALL FUCKING MORNING. From 8.30am till 12.00pm! It would stop for brief periods, then start again. That is NOT normal, and that is NOT ok. That's a sign that something's wrong, and you need to follow your instincts and not what some idiot told you.
Did you notice any change in his behaviour after starting kindy?
Lots of parents gloss over this VERY important point. They forget or they never notice the change in their kids after they're dumped unceremoniously in kindy.
Some kids learn to cope and adapt without much fuss. Some kids turn into total assholes, doing things they never did before as a way of acting out or expressing their feelings of abandonment. e.g. hitting, biting, wetting themselves even though they're potty trained.
I noticed the change in C1 immediately after his 1st day in the Trauma Kindy. He was withdrawn, didn't make much eye-contact, and had trouble controlling his bladder. I knew this meant trouble but I stuck it out for another 3 days, during which his behaviour got worse (wouldn't let me out of his sight, even in the house) and even his sleep was affected.
In this new kindy (Nakorn Sari), I'm happy to say that I've left him on his own twice now. I've been staying with him throughout class for a month (exhausted till I fell sick) and felt that it was time to start leaving him on his own. Especially since he seemed comfortable letting me out of his sight for long periods of time as he was absorbed in their activities.
The first time, he did cry, with big rolling tears. But I had prepared him for this moment, and assured him that I would be back at 12pm to pick him up. And I would never leave him without saying bye first (my rookie mistake at Trauma Kindy). He's used to this cue because he's learned to wait for Papa to come home from work at 7pm, so I decided it was the best way to go for him.
The teachers told me he cried till his body shook at first, but for the most part he was ok because they kept distracting him with things to do. Glad I chose the holiday programme to do this, as he loves the arts and crafts.
I was more interested in his behaviour when I came to pick him up.
I showed that I was happy to see him, but not "OMGMYPOORBABYCOMEISAVEYOUNOW!". That was good advice from the kindy owner Nancy Simon - she said when he comes to you, you must be assuring but non-challant, like "Hey, there. Wassup baby?". This allows him to pick up cues from you that this is not a scary place, because mommy is not scared for me or worried for me.
So, I'm glad to say that he was happy to see me, but he wasn't desperate to run away from the teachers or about to burst into tears. He also said the teachers were very nice to him, but I'm not sure if he was just echoing what I said. He did say he liked them. He didn't like the teacher in Trauma Kindy.
For the rest of the day, he also was very cheerful and talkative, and MORE independent than usual (feeding himself, getting out of the car etc....). He was very loving and affectionate, but NOT clingy.
That was a great sign.
Today is the second time he's been left there. LOTS of tears and wailing, and I could barely bring myself to leave. But I had to be strong, because I'd started already and I had to be consistent if I wanted him to learn to be independent in kindy, and trust his teachers to see to his needs.
I hid with Condor 2 till I saw he was distracted by the cars outside, and he stopped wailing. Then, with a heavy heart, I left.
When I came back, the poor fella had just finished 2 bowls of fried rice, and was shuffling his feet slowly and despondently on the floor mats. Again he was happy to see me and hugged me, but didn't look like he was holding in a flood of tears.
I pointed out that I was here at 12pm, as promised. He looked at the clock on the wall and declared with a smile, "The hand point at 12 o'clock!" You could see the thoughts in his head : mommy is here, she didn't leave me, I'm not so scared anymore, she won't leave me.
They had a birthday party and he was so excited he kept trying to blow out the boy's candles. He was the only kid who couldn't sit still, and kept getting scolded by the other kids when he couldn't contain himself and ran to the cake. When the cake was finally cut, he was jumping around for a piece and took his bowl to the birthday table and sat there without preamble.
He had trouble feeding the cake to himself and started asking for help. All the teachers were busy so he finally found a way to cut the piece and feed himself without dropping any. He kept asking for more. Had 2 helpings! Hahaha.
He was very happy to leave, and screamed an enthusiastic "BYEBYEEEE TEACHERRRR!" to any adult he saw. That's good because at the previous kindy, he just mumbled it robotically, the way an abused wife would kiss the cheek of a husband who had just slapped her.
Again, very affectionate at home, but not tearful or clingy. He was happy to see me, and I told him I was happy to see him. He listened to me, he was responsive, he told me he wanted to poo poo without releasing any in his pants, he was playful ....
THIS is what it's supposed to feel like when they slowly learn to be independent. I do hope it continues to go well!
Friday, 27 July 2012
Condor 1's Amazing Self Control
He did an impressive thing last week.
His cousin rammed him with the toy car while Condor 1 was playing by himself on the floor. It was painful, and obviously the hit was a shock to him since he didn't see it coming. So his instinctual reaction was to raise his hand angrily to hit his cousin.
His cousin rammed him with the toy car while Condor 1 was playing by himself on the floor. It was painful, and obviously the hit was a shock to him since he didn't see it coming. So his instinctual reaction was to raise his hand angrily to hit his cousin.
But he stopped his own hand in
midair, the little hand shaking a bit from the internal war, and kept saying to himself
through gritted teeth : "Cannot ... hit ... Ethan"
That amount of self control for a toddler is BLOODY amazing.
So damn proud.
That amount of self control for a toddler is BLOODY amazing.
So damn proud.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Milestones Update - Part 1
CONDOR 2 MILESTONES
27 Jan 2012 - 1st word. Hello29 Jan 2012 - stood on his own
9 Feb 2012 - 1st time slept in own room. C1's room. Major hard shit n constipation. Started eating rice.
10 Feb 2012 - 2 more bottom teeth erupted. Can eat rice. Prefers adult food to porridge or cereal. Loves chicken.
13 Feb 2012 - Ate scoop of choc ice cream. Loved it.
8 Mar 2012 - 1st steps. Took 4 steps crossing from activity table to couch.
29 Mar 2012 - walking steadily n dramatically for 1st time in in laws' hse. Holding small
book. Recovering from cough n fever. Only got sick about 3 times in his life so far.
12 Apr 2012 - can move from sit to stand without pulling up on furniture. Hands on floor, straightens legs, then raises trunk.
16 Apr 2012 - can get up from squat to stand without any support. No hands on floor.
21 May 2012 - transitioned to 1 nap a day. About 2 hours. Instead of 1.5 to 2 hrs in morning and 1 hour in afternoon.
26 May 2012 - 4 top molars and canines erupting. Can see bottom molars under swollen gums. Not sleeping well at all at night. Wakes crying.
5 June 2012 - last few weeks, wakes often. Even at naptime. Only sleeps 1 hour per nap now. Hard to calm when wake at night. Screams. Killing me with sleep deprivation. Today ate like a horse!
6 Jul 2012 - told me 'poo poo' n when i put him on toilet n made mm mm sounds, he strained n let out a load. So excited! Never repeated it again though, just like C1. He can still tell me he's about to 'poo poo' or has already gone though, but confuses actual poo with farting. So cute.
July 2012 - Has a "lovie". My breastpads. Loves to smell them for comfort. He knows what they are and keeps asking for his "Nen-nen" when it's bedtime. Will stick his hand down my shirt to grab it roughly if I don't give it in time. Sewed a used but cleaned one to C1's unused toy blankie (which C2 also rejected) and now he loves it. The old one I had sewed to it before didn't have my scent because it was machine washed, which is why he rejected it last time. Hugs it to sleep and sometimes when he wakes from his sleep, he will take a whiff and go back to sleep! OMG.
July 2012 - Can say "Mommy" very clearly. Started with him imitating am ambulance going "mee moh mee moh" so I kept encouraging him to say "Maaaa-meeee" and after a couple of weeks of irregular attempts, he started going, "Mah-meee" pausing between each syllable. Now it's a full on "Mommy!" and I sometimes can't tell if C2 or C1 is calling me. He confuses "Papa" and "Mommy" though, often referring to both of us with the same name.
July 2012 - Very violent when angry (take a toy away, end of shower etc...) and arches back and swings head or beats me or throws the nearest object. I suspect he's imitating me because I've been very moody the last few months. So I've tried being more nurturing and caring, even when he's beating me or headbutting me, and it's brought down some of the intensity, but still quite a ways to go.
CONDOR 2 MILESTONES
31 Dec 2011 - said 'i love you' unprompted for the 1st time. To papa.
24 Jan 2012 - pooed in potty by himself
April 2012 - takes 2 hours or more to sleep at night. No matter what we do. Still wakes once at night. Falls asleep easily at nap time, though - 15 to 30min.
Early June 2012 - finally getting easier to put to sleep at night. About 1 hour. Moved bath time first, cup of milk after bath. Took a few weeks for schedule to take.
July 2012 - Fed himself without prompting, on his first day in Nakorn Sari. It was sausages. The another day, fried kuey teow. It was just a matter of ensuring he had the right size spoon (not the stupid Ikea one, but the metal teaspoon) and bowl (Nestle Breakfast Cereal melamine bowls!). He's pretty good at it too.
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Joshua's Vocabulary
The little fella is progressing a lot faster than I'm used to. He's 16.5 months now. He's lucky he's got an older brother to imitate.
So far these are the things he can say, that I can remember :
- What's this? (wah-gis?)
- Who's this? (who-gis?) : Surprisingly accurate usage when pointing at another human.
- Dog (dukkh) : Used to describe dogs, horses or any other animal or living creature.
- Cat (kaah - meeeww mewww) : For cats
- Apple (ehh-puhh) : For apples, oranges and other inanimate objects.
- Banana (na-na) : For bananas
- Moon (moo) : For the moon
- Ducky (dah-kiii) : For his rubber ducky
- Car (kaah-kaah) : For cars
- Soup (thoop) : For soup
- Aeroplane (ehh-pohhh) : For airplanes and helicopters
- Ball (bohhhh) : For balls
- Eyes (ai-ai) : For the eyes
- Nose (noooo) : For the nose
- Ta-dah (tah-tahhh) : To demonstrate his awesomeness when he's accomplished something. Not often.
- Kiss ( * makes kissing sound * )
- Fish (gihh) : For the fighting fish
- One Two Three (wahh-tooo-teeee)
- Up (up-up-up) : For getting out of his high chair
- Kick (kikhh) : For actually pretending to kick something, or kick a ball
- Goal (gohhhhhllllll) : Usually shouts this in reference to anything he does to a ball. Goal or not.
- Papa : For papa
- Tata : For tata
- Neneh : For neneh
- Ahma : For ahma
- Nen-Nen : For milk or my breastpads, or sometimes water
- Poo-poo : Usually said after he has done the deed, or in reference to the toilet
- Kai-kai : For outings in the car
- Choo-choo : For trains. He recognises the word "train" but will always respond with a "choo-choo".
- Pampers (pam-puhhh) : For his diapers
- Mam-mam : For food, but he hardly uses this one.
- Penis (pihhh-ni) : For his penis. But he only tried to say this a few times, and got shy.
- Oh no (oh-nuuuuu) : When things fall on the floor
- No (nuu-nuu-nuuu) : When scolding himself. Sometimes only.
- Hot (hahh-hahh) : When touching or eating anything hot or warm. He follows this with a jerky hand gesture, which was the sign language I tried to teach him before I got lazy. So cute.
- Cold (koh-koh) : When touching my glass of Coke. Starting to use it more accurately for other cold things.
 |
| "Pimp daddy in da house, yo" |
So far these are the things he can say, that I can remember :
- What's this? (wah-gis?)
- Who's this? (who-gis?) : Surprisingly accurate usage when pointing at another human.
- Dog (dukkh) : Used to describe dogs, horses or any other animal or living creature.
- Cat (kaah - meeeww mewww) : For cats
- Apple (ehh-puhh) : For apples, oranges and other inanimate objects.
- Banana (na-na) : For bananas
- Moon (moo) : For the moon
- Ducky (dah-kiii) : For his rubber ducky
- Car (kaah-kaah) : For cars
- Soup (thoop) : For soup
- Aeroplane (ehh-pohhh) : For airplanes and helicopters
- Ball (bohhhh) : For balls
- Eyes (ai-ai) : For the eyes
- Nose (noooo) : For the nose
- Ta-dah (tah-tahhh) : To demonstrate his awesomeness when he's accomplished something. Not often.
- Kiss ( * makes kissing sound * )
- Fish (gihh) : For the fighting fish
- One Two Three (wahh-tooo-teeee)
- Up (up-up-up) : For getting out of his high chair
- Kick (kikhh) : For actually pretending to kick something, or kick a ball
- Goal (gohhhhhllllll) : Usually shouts this in reference to anything he does to a ball. Goal or not.
- Papa : For papa
- Tata : For tata
- Neneh : For neneh
- Ahma : For ahma
- Nen-Nen : For milk or my breastpads, or sometimes water
- Poo-poo : Usually said after he has done the deed, or in reference to the toilet
- Kai-kai : For outings in the car
- Choo-choo : For trains. He recognises the word "train" but will always respond with a "choo-choo".
- Pampers (pam-puhhh) : For his diapers
- Mam-mam : For food, but he hardly uses this one.
- Penis (pihhh-ni) : For his penis. But he only tried to say this a few times, and got shy.
- Oh no (oh-nuuuuu) : When things fall on the floor
- No (nuu-nuu-nuuu) : When scolding himself. Sometimes only.
- Hot (hahh-hahh) : When touching or eating anything hot or warm. He follows this with a jerky hand gesture, which was the sign language I tried to teach him before I got lazy. So cute.
- Cold (koh-koh) : When touching my glass of Coke. Starting to use it more accurately for other cold things.
Friday, 15 June 2012
Kindergarten Trauma
We sent James to Tadika Diyana on 11 June, the first day of school, and his first day in school EVER. Chris took leave so we could experience this big moment together, and were prepared to stay there the whole session in case he was sticky. Knowing my son, I knew he'd be fine because of the novelty of the class. It would be the next week that he'd be REALLY sticky.
I was right. He ran into class without a backward glance, while we stood outside wringing our hands and wondered why we were more anxious than him. Even when he came out to go to another class, he saw us and looked away, more interested in where he was going than running to us.
We went home, shoulders slumped, feeling scared and depressed at leaving him there on his own. Would he be ok on his own? Would the teacher understand his needs and not push too hard? Would he be able to escape if a gunman got through security? All these worries and feelings. We cried on the way home. Stupid.
We went early to pick him and he looked frowny and upset, and couldn't wait to jump into Papa's arms. We thought it was normal separation anxiety. (PS : Joshua didn't give a shit that we were gone and happily stayed in the Neneh's house, like he'd been living there all the while)
2nd DAY
I went early so I could talk to the teacher and explain James' sensitivity, and how his development had halted when I went back to work, and only when I stopped work to have Joshua could I spend the time to SLOWLY and PAINFULLY bring him out of his shell again. I told her to be very patient with him. She was barely listening and attributed it to 1st time kindy blues. I was really pissed at her apathy, because I worked really hard to bring James to where he was, and a uncaring teacher could just screw it all up and leave me to pick up the pieces --- again!!!
He still seemed very teary and upset when I came to pick him. Teacher seemed annoyed he couldn't really feed himself (he's 3, come on!) and couldn't hold his penis to pee standing (he always preferred to sit, in our house, because he doesn't want his hands to get dirty). I said that he prefers to sit, but she insisted that he had to pee standing up. He had refused to pee the whole day, it seems. An alarming sign because his potty training is the first thing to go when he's very upset. When I took him to the kindy toilet, I had to make sure the toilet was clear of pee before he would go - then a LOT came out. Can't believe he held it all in.
He spent the whole day being very withdrawn and quiet, the way he is when he's been scolded. Since we yelled at him last night (sleep deprivation) we tried to chalk it up to him being mad at us. He wouldn't say a word about kindy. I started having doubts already, as the teacher didn't seem very patient with him.
I spoke to the headmistress and she was a lot more understanding, and asked me to talk to the teacher again, this time after class. The HM recognised that James was a high-need child (I didn't have to tell her) - which made me feel better. Issue was, this teacher was leaving in 2 mths to get married. What hope could I have of getting her to care?!
3rd DAY
He was skipping to kindy, but screamed when I took him to his class. He refused to go. Luckily, the class had gone to the Hall, and I took him there instead. He was anxious. The teacher took him before I could say goodbye, and James kept looking for me, so I went to him to say a proper goodbye. He refused to let go of me, so I followed them to cooking class - thinking it was interesting enough for him to ignore me and I could move on. I told him I was making a phone call, and when I came back, he was whining for me. Teacher told me to go, or she will not be able to control him. I didn't feel good, because he was expecting me to come back and the betrayal would cause him to lose trust next time.
I came back early to sit outside the class, and heard him calling for mommy every 10 minutes. I was horrified. Was he doing this all morning? I peeked and he was sitting in the corner of the class, holding his bag, his back facing the kids. So heart-breaking. When he came out, his eyes were swollen and the area under his nose was red and raw from being rubbed all morning.
Teacher said she had a very hard time with him because he was crying for me the whole way, refused to pee, and wouldn't participate in class. I knew I should've said goodbye. She said he cried till his whole body shook, which scared her. I told her he does that when he's VERY upset, and that's why I needed her to be patient. She listened this time.
Later James told me the teacher was angry at him because he kept crying for mommy. He woke from his nap halfway, crying for mommy, inconsolable, and it was hard to calm him back to sleep. He stuck to me like a leech the whole day, so afraid I would leave him again.
4th DAY
Again, he screamed when he neared the class, and pulled away screaming when he saw the teacher. She didn't help matters by looking impatiently at him, instead of smiling encouragingly. I went in with him, and he was ok. When he was sure I wasn't leaving, he was more willing to join the other kids in play. He still did his own thing, never really following the rest of the class unless it was something which interested him. I dunno what to do about this.
I found his fear of the toilet was because it was a waterfall-wall style, which he's never seen or used before, especially since he's been scared of public toilets due to the hand dryer. All the other boys could pull down their own pants and hold their own penises to go. The teacher expected James to do that too!
I had to help him get used to the toilet first, so I held his penis for him. He was terrified, but I made a game of it - hit the waterfall with his water gun. He finally let loose and enjoyed seeing his pee mix with the water and flow down. The next few times, he still wouldn't hold his own penis, but at least he was peeing.
He was happy to join the kids sitting down for snacks, drinking his own drink and eating bread on his own - though he didn't finish either. No adults helped anyone to eat. I'm not comfortable with this. I met another mom who had been there all week, and her son wouldn't let go of her hand to mix with the kids at all.
I saw what they taught in class, and felt it was too academic for James' age. I still wanted him to develop his life skills (eating, peeing, socialising) before getting him to learn how to write alphabets.
It was an exhausting morning of trying to get him to listen to teacher, hide from him or sneak out the door. He would yell whenever he noticed I was gone and insisted I be in the classroom, not just visible thru the window outside. He also got hit by this violent kid in class who was hitting everyone and he wailed, never retaliating, unlike the girls who actually hit back!
WTF IS HAPPENING?!?!
Finally, class was over and I was looking forward to getting some water and food. I turned on the aircond to cool the car (hot day) and put James in his seat. Then I noticed a lot of foot traffic behind me. Given the spate of crimes where kids get jacked along with the cars, I closed my door and locked it - which locked all the other doors. I reminded myself to unlock it before I closed James' door, but because he was whining, I got distracted and due to physical memory, the minute I buckled him into his seat --- I SHUT THE DOOR!!!! The second the door left my hand I realised my mistake.
Coolly, I used the remote. But it wouldn't open the doors while the engine was running! Now I started panicking. MY BABY WAS LOCKED INSIDE!!!
I called Chris several times but he kept hanging up cuz he was in an important meeting. I had to call Caryn to get him, and finally could tell him to get the spare key for me and that James has oxygen since the engine is running.
I started banging on the window to get James to lift the lock. People came to help, but a Malay man pointed out they were freaking James out by peering in like that. James was starting to get upset, especially since I alternated between calmly instructing him to open the door and hysterical/angry panic. Someone got the nearby mechanics to try and lift the lock, but it was a Honda, not a Proton. Plus they kept looking at James, and he started to get hysterical - he told me later they scared him.
I spent almost an hour cajoling James to open the lock, but he just couldn't. He was so upset he was banging his head against the window or kicking it, trying to get me in. I had to yell at him to stop. He was so upset he got his shoe tangled in his foot and didn't have the presence of mind to undo it - he impossibly tried to yank it off.
I contemplated smashing the window, but it didn't make sense because James had oxygen and was a lot more comfortable than I was, Chris was on the way, AND I had security tint.
Chris passed me the key, and I was so fucking relieved the car had a keyhole. Definitely a criteria for our next car. Hugged a traumatised James and drove home. He was so exhausted from the ordeal he fell asleep before I got there and slept for 2.5 hours.
I spent the rest of the day agonising over whether to continue at Diyana or look for another more play-oriented kindy. I prayed hard.
After dinner, we're about to go home when Joshua poops. Reni takes him upstairs to change but ends up giving him a bath because she saw how tired I was and was being helpful. I happened to walk into the room JUST as she splashed some water into his tub, and he SCREECHED in pain. The hot day had turned the cold water into scalding water, and Josh got the brunt of it on his shoulders, chest, back and thigh!
It was all red and he was crying, and crying and crying, and I felt like I was about to fall apart.
I reeled myself in and told her to splash cold water on him. It was a few seconds before the cold water finally came in, and even then he just kept crying. Dad put lotion on him and assured us it would get better soon, as there were no blisters. Just 1st degree burns. We left him naked and I drove him home to put him to bed. Once home, he was ok and could wear PJ's.
I don't have the energy to take James to kindy tomorrow and leave Josh alone again. Plus, before bed, James told me he didn't like the teacher, and was very specific about which one, too.
FUCK. What a day. I guess God's trying to tell me not to go back to Diyana. At least he answered my prayers pretty quickly.
I was right. He ran into class without a backward glance, while we stood outside wringing our hands and wondered why we were more anxious than him. Even when he came out to go to another class, he saw us and looked away, more interested in where he was going than running to us.
We went home, shoulders slumped, feeling scared and depressed at leaving him there on his own. Would he be ok on his own? Would the teacher understand his needs and not push too hard? Would he be able to escape if a gunman got through security? All these worries and feelings. We cried on the way home. Stupid.
We went early to pick him and he looked frowny and upset, and couldn't wait to jump into Papa's arms. We thought it was normal separation anxiety. (PS : Joshua didn't give a shit that we were gone and happily stayed in the Neneh's house, like he'd been living there all the while)
2nd DAY
I went early so I could talk to the teacher and explain James' sensitivity, and how his development had halted when I went back to work, and only when I stopped work to have Joshua could I spend the time to SLOWLY and PAINFULLY bring him out of his shell again. I told her to be very patient with him. She was barely listening and attributed it to 1st time kindy blues. I was really pissed at her apathy, because I worked really hard to bring James to where he was, and a uncaring teacher could just screw it all up and leave me to pick up the pieces --- again!!!
He still seemed very teary and upset when I came to pick him. Teacher seemed annoyed he couldn't really feed himself (he's 3, come on!) and couldn't hold his penis to pee standing (he always preferred to sit, in our house, because he doesn't want his hands to get dirty). I said that he prefers to sit, but she insisted that he had to pee standing up. He had refused to pee the whole day, it seems. An alarming sign because his potty training is the first thing to go when he's very upset. When I took him to the kindy toilet, I had to make sure the toilet was clear of pee before he would go - then a LOT came out. Can't believe he held it all in.
He spent the whole day being very withdrawn and quiet, the way he is when he's been scolded. Since we yelled at him last night (sleep deprivation) we tried to chalk it up to him being mad at us. He wouldn't say a word about kindy. I started having doubts already, as the teacher didn't seem very patient with him.
I spoke to the headmistress and she was a lot more understanding, and asked me to talk to the teacher again, this time after class. The HM recognised that James was a high-need child (I didn't have to tell her) - which made me feel better. Issue was, this teacher was leaving in 2 mths to get married. What hope could I have of getting her to care?!
3rd DAY
He was skipping to kindy, but screamed when I took him to his class. He refused to go. Luckily, the class had gone to the Hall, and I took him there instead. He was anxious. The teacher took him before I could say goodbye, and James kept looking for me, so I went to him to say a proper goodbye. He refused to let go of me, so I followed them to cooking class - thinking it was interesting enough for him to ignore me and I could move on. I told him I was making a phone call, and when I came back, he was whining for me. Teacher told me to go, or she will not be able to control him. I didn't feel good, because he was expecting me to come back and the betrayal would cause him to lose trust next time.
I came back early to sit outside the class, and heard him calling for mommy every 10 minutes. I was horrified. Was he doing this all morning? I peeked and he was sitting in the corner of the class, holding his bag, his back facing the kids. So heart-breaking. When he came out, his eyes were swollen and the area under his nose was red and raw from being rubbed all morning.
 |
| Seriously. How the hell do you rub a kid's nose till it looks like this?! |
Teacher said she had a very hard time with him because he was crying for me the whole way, refused to pee, and wouldn't participate in class. I knew I should've said goodbye. She said he cried till his whole body shook, which scared her. I told her he does that when he's VERY upset, and that's why I needed her to be patient. She listened this time.
Later James told me the teacher was angry at him because he kept crying for mommy. He woke from his nap halfway, crying for mommy, inconsolable, and it was hard to calm him back to sleep. He stuck to me like a leech the whole day, so afraid I would leave him again.
4th DAY
Again, he screamed when he neared the class, and pulled away screaming when he saw the teacher. She didn't help matters by looking impatiently at him, instead of smiling encouragingly. I went in with him, and he was ok. When he was sure I wasn't leaving, he was more willing to join the other kids in play. He still did his own thing, never really following the rest of the class unless it was something which interested him. I dunno what to do about this.
I found his fear of the toilet was because it was a waterfall-wall style, which he's never seen or used before, especially since he's been scared of public toilets due to the hand dryer. All the other boys could pull down their own pants and hold their own penises to go. The teacher expected James to do that too!
I had to help him get used to the toilet first, so I held his penis for him. He was terrified, but I made a game of it - hit the waterfall with his water gun. He finally let loose and enjoyed seeing his pee mix with the water and flow down. The next few times, he still wouldn't hold his own penis, but at least he was peeing.
He was happy to join the kids sitting down for snacks, drinking his own drink and eating bread on his own - though he didn't finish either. No adults helped anyone to eat. I'm not comfortable with this. I met another mom who had been there all week, and her son wouldn't let go of her hand to mix with the kids at all.
I saw what they taught in class, and felt it was too academic for James' age. I still wanted him to develop his life skills (eating, peeing, socialising) before getting him to learn how to write alphabets.
It was an exhausting morning of trying to get him to listen to teacher, hide from him or sneak out the door. He would yell whenever he noticed I was gone and insisted I be in the classroom, not just visible thru the window outside. He also got hit by this violent kid in class who was hitting everyone and he wailed, never retaliating, unlike the girls who actually hit back!
WTF IS HAPPENING?!?!
Finally, class was over and I was looking forward to getting some water and food. I turned on the aircond to cool the car (hot day) and put James in his seat. Then I noticed a lot of foot traffic behind me. Given the spate of crimes where kids get jacked along with the cars, I closed my door and locked it - which locked all the other doors. I reminded myself to unlock it before I closed James' door, but because he was whining, I got distracted and due to physical memory, the minute I buckled him into his seat --- I SHUT THE DOOR!!!! The second the door left my hand I realised my mistake.
Coolly, I used the remote. But it wouldn't open the doors while the engine was running! Now I started panicking. MY BABY WAS LOCKED INSIDE!!!
I called Chris several times but he kept hanging up cuz he was in an important meeting. I had to call Caryn to get him, and finally could tell him to get the spare key for me and that James has oxygen since the engine is running.
I started banging on the window to get James to lift the lock. People came to help, but a Malay man pointed out they were freaking James out by peering in like that. James was starting to get upset, especially since I alternated between calmly instructing him to open the door and hysterical/angry panic. Someone got the nearby mechanics to try and lift the lock, but it was a Honda, not a Proton. Plus they kept looking at James, and he started to get hysterical - he told me later they scared him.
I spent almost an hour cajoling James to open the lock, but he just couldn't. He was so upset he was banging his head against the window or kicking it, trying to get me in. I had to yell at him to stop. He was so upset he got his shoe tangled in his foot and didn't have the presence of mind to undo it - he impossibly tried to yank it off.
I contemplated smashing the window, but it didn't make sense because James had oxygen and was a lot more comfortable than I was, Chris was on the way, AND I had security tint.
Chris passed me the key, and I was so fucking relieved the car had a keyhole. Definitely a criteria for our next car. Hugged a traumatised James and drove home. He was so exhausted from the ordeal he fell asleep before I got there and slept for 2.5 hours.
I spent the rest of the day agonising over whether to continue at Diyana or look for another more play-oriented kindy. I prayed hard.
After dinner, we're about to go home when Joshua poops. Reni takes him upstairs to change but ends up giving him a bath because she saw how tired I was and was being helpful. I happened to walk into the room JUST as she splashed some water into his tub, and he SCREECHED in pain. The hot day had turned the cold water into scalding water, and Josh got the brunt of it on his shoulders, chest, back and thigh!
It was all red and he was crying, and crying and crying, and I felt like I was about to fall apart.
I reeled myself in and told her to splash cold water on him. It was a few seconds before the cold water finally came in, and even then he just kept crying. Dad put lotion on him and assured us it would get better soon, as there were no blisters. Just 1st degree burns. We left him naked and I drove him home to put him to bed. Once home, he was ok and could wear PJ's.
I don't have the energy to take James to kindy tomorrow and leave Josh alone again. Plus, before bed, James told me he didn't like the teacher, and was very specific about which one, too.
FUCK. What a day. I guess God's trying to tell me not to go back to Diyana. At least he answered my prayers pretty quickly.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Joshua repeats after the "house"
He was playing with his "house" in the car as usual, and as we pulled into the house, I heard him repeating words from the "house", like "up up upppp" etc... I realised that he has been saying "The End" for the past 2 weeks because he learned it from storytime at the "house".
So basically, he's learning whole sentences now because he can recite most of the words in the storytime. The "house" is amazing! James also learned a lot of sentences from it. Best toy EVER!
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Joshua Finally Walks
The long awaited day finally came!
For weeks, the little fellow's been teasing us with a few steps and lunges from one piece of furniture to another, or standing on his own for minutes on end. But try to lead him to take steps on his own, and he sits down the minute you remove his support or keeps walking on tip toe and threatening to fall over if you loosen your grip.
We knew he could do it, just that confidence seemed to be the issue. Plus, he seemed happy to do his weird sit-crawl, since he could get around really fast that way AND hold a toy at the same time.
This afternoon, he started taking a few steps on his own, near the lizard shit patio area. But lunged for the exploded bouncy castle. I figured it would be a few more days.
Then during dinner at my in-laws', he was playing around the TV area and we just let go of him and off he went. Toddling away, with his feet flat on the ground for once. He took more than 10 steps and I was sure he would either sit or pitch forward, but he continued walking with GREAT stability - even stoppping and making a 90 degree turn.
The maids were already letting him walk 15 minutes before that, while we were eating, so they didn't find this as exciting as we did.
But we let him walk all over the house, and the way he was going, it seemed like he had been doing it for weeks, not having just started moments before! My little cutie pie. He looks adorable when walking, as I thought he would.
For weeks, the little fellow's been teasing us with a few steps and lunges from one piece of furniture to another, or standing on his own for minutes on end. But try to lead him to take steps on his own, and he sits down the minute you remove his support or keeps walking on tip toe and threatening to fall over if you loosen your grip.
We knew he could do it, just that confidence seemed to be the issue. Plus, he seemed happy to do his weird sit-crawl, since he could get around really fast that way AND hold a toy at the same time.
This afternoon, he started taking a few steps on his own, near the lizard shit patio area. But lunged for the exploded bouncy castle. I figured it would be a few more days.
Then during dinner at my in-laws', he was playing around the TV area and we just let go of him and off he went. Toddling away, with his feet flat on the ground for once. He took more than 10 steps and I was sure he would either sit or pitch forward, but he continued walking with GREAT stability - even stoppping and making a 90 degree turn.
The maids were already letting him walk 15 minutes before that, while we were eating, so they didn't find this as exciting as we did.
But we let him walk all over the house, and the way he was going, it seemed like he had been doing it for weeks, not having just started moments before! My little cutie pie. He looks adorable when walking, as I thought he would.
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
James and his pronunciation
His diction is very sharp for his age, I think largely thanks to breastfeeding.
The "CH" at the end of words like "lunch" and "bench" are very enunciated, his little lips curled cutely around the words. But there are still some words that escape his abilities :
Snicker-perry (slippery)
Bus stop (bath tub)
Kung-pewter (computer)
And he still has a lot of made up words that I don't know the source of, like "boo-kay" for lamp post.
The "CH" at the end of words like "lunch" and "bench" are very enunciated, his little lips curled cutely around the words. But there are still some words that escape his abilities :
Snicker-perry (slippery)
Bus stop (bath tub)
Kung-pewter (computer)
And he still has a lot of made up words that I don't know the source of, like "boo-kay" for lamp post.
Monday, 12 March 2012
Joshua's 1st steps
He was holding a toy and standing on his own, near my computer, while James was bounding about the room and around him. He got caught up in the moment and kept taking steps forward, feet flat on the ground.
He was trying to walk after James, and not trapezing from one piece of furniture to another for once. I was amazed to see him plodding one foot after another, with GREAT stability. He even turned and continued on his journey.
I got the camera out and started videoing and he stopped. Stared at me. Realised what he was doing. Sat down. GAAAAAH.
Guess it's just a confidence thing for him now. He definitely can walk. It'll be so cute to see him walk. I can't wait! He's much more careful than James, so it should be less stressful than James' first year of walking. No need to follow him around everywhere, hovering right behind him in fear of tripping or an intentional backflip.
He was trying to walk after James, and not trapezing from one piece of furniture to another for once. I was amazed to see him plodding one foot after another, with GREAT stability. He even turned and continued on his journey.
I got the camera out and started videoing and he stopped. Stared at me. Realised what he was doing. Sat down. GAAAAAH.
Guess it's just a confidence thing for him now. He definitely can walk. It'll be so cute to see him walk. I can't wait! He's much more careful than James, so it should be less stressful than James' first year of walking. No need to follow him around everywhere, hovering right behind him in fear of tripping or an intentional backflip.
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Joshua speaks & James is SOOO CUUUUTE
Joshua has been demonstrating great verbal skills in the last couple of weeks. Although his first official word was "Hewwwwoooo?", he's hardly repeated it. But he's been able to imitate me when I over-pronounce and repeat all these words so far :
- Aaaah-puh (apple)
- Baa-buh (bubble)
- Am-puh (Pampers)
- Thoop (soup)
- Tahhh (star)
He also likes dogs because it's one of the first animals he's learned to recognise and gets very excited whenever he sees one, squealing and exclaiming in his staccatto bursts, and POINTING at them. He's very responsive to Bolt, standing on his own to watch it (he doesn't realise, or he'd straight away sit down) and squawking and exclaiming at various points of the intro.
And James, the ever lazy to feed himself, did something so adorable.
I had piled chips and chicken nuggets on his plate and put it on his table. He ignored it, busy doodling on his magnetic doodle pad. Nearly knocked the plate down a few times, pissing me off. So I took it away and put it on the main table, and ignored James to feed Josh.
I went to the kitchen, and while there I heard James sort of humming to himself outside (like "tum te tum" or something similar), and when I returned, the whole plate of food was back on James' table and he was putting a tomatoed nugget into his mouth.
My little clumsy had very carefully balanced and brought the plate from the main table to his table, without spilling anything on it, and started eating on his own! SO CUUUUUTE.
- Aaaah-puh (apple)
- Baa-buh (bubble)
- Am-puh (Pampers)
- Thoop (soup)
- Tahhh (star)
He also likes dogs because it's one of the first animals he's learned to recognise and gets very excited whenever he sees one, squealing and exclaiming in his staccatto bursts, and POINTING at them. He's very responsive to Bolt, standing on his own to watch it (he doesn't realise, or he'd straight away sit down) and squawking and exclaiming at various points of the intro.
And James, the ever lazy to feed himself, did something so adorable.
I had piled chips and chicken nuggets on his plate and put it on his table. He ignored it, busy doodling on his magnetic doodle pad. Nearly knocked the plate down a few times, pissing me off. So I took it away and put it on the main table, and ignored James to feed Josh.
I went to the kitchen, and while there I heard James sort of humming to himself outside (like "tum te tum" or something similar), and when I returned, the whole plate of food was back on James' table and he was putting a tomatoed nugget into his mouth.
My little clumsy had very carefully balanced and brought the plate from the main table to his table, without spilling anything on it, and started eating on his own! SO CUUUUUTE.
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